i did it, i REALLY did it....

welp, i finally finished my application for the internship to the Dominican. AND i sent it in!!!!!! Time will tell...I should hear from them in another week or two for an interview. THEN I'll just wait and see what the Lord has in store. It's funny...everyone keeps telling me that I am in such a fun, exciting place. that I have my WHOLE life in front of me. that they are soooo excited to see what the Lord's plan is. It's like they are having sooo much joy in my circumstances. I wish that I was feeling the same way. I am scared OUT MY MIND! I am wishing that I was married and had kids so my life would be settled and decided. I'm so tired of making decisions. I'm just ready for something other than the single life. (i know...i know....if i ever do get married and have kids i will be reminded of this blog several times by y'all!) It just seems like I go in one direction after another only to find out that it's not the best fit. WHEN will I ever find the right fit???? I want so desperately to serve Him in all that I do...but I want to do so exactly where HE desires....ugh!

enough of my whining....

onto better news:

I finally did it...I completed my first 5K. Now, don't get me wrong when I say completed I mean, 1. I finished before dying. 2. I did it within 24 hours. 3. I did have to run/walk it. 4. but I did indeed cross that stupid finish line!

I had so much support in this goal and am sooo thankful for everyone who cheered me on in my training and at the race. And I seriously couldn't have done it without the Lord. He is the center of thislifechange that I have been experiencing and He is what continue to drive and motivate me! I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me. Even complete a 5k!

AND i am officially OLD. yes folks, I turned the BIG 30 a few weeks ago. It's all downhill I guess! ;) Jusssssssssst kidding!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK, the moment i have been waiting for has come and I'm frieking out a lil....hence the title of this post. :)

I just got the internship application for G.O. Ministries....that mean i have to fill it out....that means I have to pursue this path....that means i have to take a step into the unknown....that means i have to take this grip i have on my life off....that means i have to surrender....that means that this could change my life.....

NOW do u understand why I am a lil frieked out????

please pray for me as I take this next step in this faith journey the Lord has me on. If I get accepted, that means I go to the DR. (scary option #1) If I don't get accepted that means I probably leave WV. (scary option #2) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

please pray. the end.

Have you Ever Wondered....

who puts together the items you order from an online purchase?

Well folks, I no longer wonder who together the orders from AACE International 's online orders...cuzzzzz it's me!

yesssss, it's true...I am a customer service representative for AACE International. I package things, UPS things, put cd cases together, print labels, sorth the mail, answer the phone, and route the incoming calls, and occasionally get drinks from the water cooler. AND i sit in a cubicle! I feel like my life is like an episode of the office except it isn't nearly as funny...atleast not yet!

To be honest, when I think of where my life is right now, I don't like it. BUT I am trying to look at all the positives of a less than ideal situation. Here they are: I have a job and didn't miss ONE day of work in the transition period. (have u all been paying attention to the news reports that daily descibe how the unemployment rate keeps getting higher across the nation???) Eventhough I am not entirely crazy about my job, the Lord has provided me with one! That's amazing!!!!! When I think about that, I think how incredibly blessed I truly am to even have employment! Another positive is that I now have medical insurance. WAAWHOOO!!! And that means I can get my wisdom teeth removed AND a new pair of glasses! (My current pair of glasses have been super glued 6 times now!) Another blessing!

And there is still that hope that the people in my office will gradually morph into the characters on the show 'the office' and then i would be THRILLED!!!!! :)

Until then, I will proudly answer the phone and packages Cost Estimating materials because I know that the Lord has me where He wants me and I can rest in that, and in that alone! Like I have been saying, I am on an AMAZING journey with twists, turns, and surprises and I am ready for what's next! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store during this season of my life and the many more seasons coming up ahead!

And the JOURNEY begins...

Never once did I picture my life to be what it has indeed ended up being. Everything to who I am, where I live, who has passed on from their time on earth, to my current lifestage...if you would have asked me 10 years ago I'm sure the picture I would have painted for myself would look nothing like what it has ended up being. This is a good thing and a bad thing.

The past 4 months of my life have been nothing but BIG CHANGES! Change of job...change of physical appearance and health...change in my heart...change in where the Lord is calling me to serve...Change, Change, Change. Again, this is a good thing and bad thing.

As I reflect, which I tend to do A LOT, I think about who I want to become versus who I am. I look at the sin in my life and LONG for it to not be there. I desperately want to be rid of all the evil and junk that is in me...that directs my actions and words...i want it GONE...OUTTA HERE...C U LATER ALLIGATOR! BUT I don't want to miss out on the process of Him ridding me of the wickedness in me. I don't want to miss out on who He is and what I will gain from being in the process. As I think about such things I look at the CHANGES that have been happening and I know that they are a part of this process. I know that I am on an incredible journey and I know that the end result will be for His glory!

I just ended my last day working for the Ranch. I NEVER thought that day would come. It did...it's bittersweet. BUT I can't help but be excited for this next chapter in my life. I get excited at the thought of possibly living in another country, loving the Lord and loving people. I get goosebumps at the thought of how much I will change and how much I will learn about Him through this process. I cry in joy at the anticipation of leaving a lasting impact on people's hearts for Him for eternity!

I just reread this and realized that this blog is BEYOND random...but I'm gonna leave it as is...It's what I am thinking and feeling at the moment. Enjoy! (If it makes sense! ha!)

God is in the details

So I'm driving down I68 last Saturday evening, after a FANTASTIC visit with some ol' college gal pals that I hadn't see in years. Like most of my roadtrips, I am jammin' to some tunes in my ghetto cruiser thinking about life, the Lord, u know...typical things u think about when on a mini road trip. At some point in my trip I talk to my friend Liz on the phone and she preceeds to tell me that she is indeed pregnant! I think I screamed several times out of my excitement for her and Nate. I give that lil detail because I am EXTREMELY happy for them and to say that because I was focused on our convo, i was not focused on where I was on my trip home.

Somewhere in MD, I notice that ghetto crusier is actin' up...her engine keeps revvvvvin' like she's not in gear, but she is definitely in 5th gear, she starts smellin' HOTT, and she decided she is gonna decrease in speed. She gets to the point where she doesn't seem to be actin' like she is gonna be able to keep drivin', so I pull of the side of the road to try to figure out what to do. TWO problems: 1) I don't know where I am, mainly because i was too busy screaming in excitement because of the baby news I had received and 2) I don't have cell phone reception where I pulled off the road. Yepppp...bad combination!

So after leavin' my car in neutral for a few minutes, I decide to try to get back on the road because I need to figure out where I am, and I also need to have phone reception. So I put my car in 1st gear, press on the gas and yes folks, i go BACKWARDS! ummmm, clearly that is not the direction I need to be going. I think this is when I may have had a tear in my eye, but also I couldn't help but laugh. Just like ghetto cruiser! She never seems to do what a normal car is supposed to do. So, I try again, and I continue to go backwards. The humor is steadily decreasing at this point. I then think to myself, I'm just gonna GUN it in hopes that I will get going forward enough that I can maybe coast up the mountain I was on. (Do u sense my sarcasm??) I gunnned it, ended up making forward progress, go about 25-30 mph at maximum speed and end up going about another mile on the road. THEN the my speedometer goes very quickly to 0, so I am helpless yet again and pull off the side of the road. As I am on the side of the road for a second time, I look up and see a roadsign 100 feet in front of me telling me that the next exit is 2 miles ahead. YESSSSSSSSS! I know where I am. I then check my phone....I HAVE RECEPTION!!! Are you beginning to see how He is in the details????

After several attempts at trying to get ghetto cruiser in another forward motion, but went backwards yet again, i decide that I need to start trying to call someone. I call about 6 people that I think can help, and NO ONE answers the phone. I finally get ahold of my pastor who is now attempting to get me help, as well as one of my college friends that I met up with. THEN about 5 minutes after I had gotten stranded, a cop pulled a car over for speeding right across the median about 500 feet in front of me! R U KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! I'm still freaking out because I have NO IDEA what to do, it's dark, I'm stranded atleast 50 miles away from home, but I was NEVER alone because of the cop. Yet, another God in the details thing!

After my pastor's work and my friends work to get the cop informed of my situation, he finishes up with the other car and then swings on over to where me and ghetto cruiser are just chillin'. He graciousy offered to call a tow truck for me and to stay with me until the tow truck comes...seee, never alone! I then call my AAA # to see what kind of coverage I have (Need to thank Ken Hildebran...my pops...for persuading me to pay the $ to have a AAA membership...thanks DAD!!!) My coverage is the one where u can get towed up to 100 miles without getting charged....R U KIDDING ME! Soooo, that means, my car can get towed all the way back to Morgantown and I don't have to pay a dime!

Hold on folks...it keeps getting better!

Soo, the tow truck guy, Robert was his name, shows up. Ghetto Crusier and I part ways. She on the bed of the truck, me chillin' in the front with Robert. Robert at this point doesn't seem too excited to be taking me and my car 55 miles to wv, but I still try to make small talk. Robert is not excited about that either! At some point Steve, my boss, calls and I must have said something that triggered Roberts attention because as soon as I got off the phone he turns to me and says "Are u a Chrisitian?" I respond "I sure am". Through our conversation, I find out that he had been looking for way to get back to Morgantown, because his wife almost died and was in a hospital there. He had to work all day and wanted to be with her but couldn't so when he got the call that someone needed a ride there he knew it was his chance to be with his wife. Again, R U KIDDING ME??????

I ended up asking him if there was anything i could do for him or his wife...if they needed anything...etc etc. He then asked if I could get his wife a book and I asked what her name was and what room she was in. So I got all that info and knew that I was supposed to do that for her and him. We had a good conversation the rest of the way back to Morgantown...he dropped me and my car off and went on his merry way.

I get home and start immediately worrying about my car...how am I gonna get from here to there without one. How am I gonna pay for it. I knew that I had NO $ except for one check that I hadn't given yet, but I had already written it out. It was my tithe check to the church. I tried to jusitfy why I should keep it because then I would atleast have that amount of money in my account to get me through the next week or so. I couldn't sleep because I kept debating about what to do with that $. Sunday morning rolls around...the offering basket is being passed...I start crying because I know that I am supposed to put my check in the offering basket, but I know if I do I have $6.45 in my account. Maybe this would be a good time to mention that in 6 days I am jobless...incomeless...carless...etc. So, can u understand why I didn't want to put that check in the offering????? I knew what I needed to do, so I did it. I put the check in the offering. I think more tears came.

I am leaving the church after the message. (the pastor had mentioned my situation during the message so people kinda knew what was going on) A person in the church offered to let me use their car while mine was getting fixed. R U KIDDING ME??? THEN another person in the church hands me a check to help with the car expense. (I'm realizing how VERY LONG this blog is getting so I am leaving out some details and mini God moments along the way...but believe me there is soooo much more I could type!)

I call the car place on Monday morning to get an estimate. It is gonna cost $300 more than what I had to fix it. Again, do I need to mention the fact that I didn't have the $ to fix it, I will be jobless in 6 days, and I am completely and utterly helpless. The next day, another person from the church calls me to get an update on my situation...later that evening I had the additional money to pay for my car to get repaired and some $ for groceries. WHAT????

I can't begin to tell you just what has been going on in my heart the past few days...it's been a rollercoaster of emotions...I have other decisions in my life occuring at the same time that I think He is using this to speak into and that's SCARY....but I know that I know that I know without a doubt that He is my provider. That He is beyond faithful. That He uses people to bring His plan to fruition. He loves me enough to get my car down the road an extra mile so that I can get help. He loves Robert the tow truck driver so much that He would use my "bad situation" to get him to be able to be with his wife. He loves me enough to have my entire car taken care of when I only had $6.45. His prescence has been BEYOND REAL to me the past few days...How incredible is that!?!?!?!?!?!

And the best part is...I can't boast, no one else can boast, because all the honor, praise, and glory are HIS! No one could have orchestrated all of those details to happen the way that they did! Can I get an AMEN?????? (that is if u made it through this rather lengthy blog!)

Job Search 2009

Well, it's been a few days since the job search officially began. It started off GREAT considering that I haven't had to do a resume since 1999. And that resume was designed specifically to apply for teaching positions. Ummm, yeah, so needless to say I had to get movin' on my resume and get movin FAST! Thanks to the handy dandy work of my big sis, my resume was completed last week and I have been able to get it out to 23 different job postings. Pray that the Lord would allow me to discover the job He has specifically for me!

It's funny...normally if I don't know what is going on in my life I totally, completely FREAK OUT! However, this time I haven't. I have had a weird peace inside of me since this whole process began about a month ago. It's as if the Lord has been preparing my heart for months for this to be happening...He's good like that! Sooo, even though it seems ridiculous that I will find a job that meets my needs and specific "requirements", I just know that I know that I know, that He is not surprised that I am looking, and He has the PERFECT job. I just need to do what He is calling me to do until He allows me to discover it. Scary? Heck yeah! Exciting? Abosolutely! Seemingly impossible? Not when HE is in complete control!!!!

I'm excited to begin this new journey He has for me. I am thrilled at the idea of going overseas! I am anxiously awaiting for all that this journey has for me! I am astounded at His desire and love for me! Thankful that I have a Father who has a plan for my life and as I step out in faith, He will lead and direct me where He desires me!

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~Jeremiah 29:11

Chan Chan Change

WHOA NELLY! The past 2 weeks have been CRAZY! Here are some snipits:

1. I am leaving my position with Chestnut Mountain Ranch to pursue overseas missions. I am applying to do an internship next summer with G.O. Ministries in the Dominican Republic. If I get accepted I will then spend 3 months with the hope of seeing whether or not the Lord is calling me to fulltime missions there. WHAT?!?!?! yeah....crazy, but ridiculously exciting!

It's a tug on my heart that I have been avoiding for sometime and it's about time I take a leap of faith to really see what the Lord has in store. I am confident that He is leading me somewhere, I'm just not quite sure where.

2. Had a rough week (this past week) food wise, but am back on track. I realized after a few days of making poor decisions with food that those daily decisions affect a lot more than my weight. They affect the direction that the Lord is leading me in my life. The main reason I have begun to allow the Lord to change this area of my life is so I can go where He is leading me. Right now, I believe that is the DR, but I can't do ministry unhindered there at my current weight. I had the HUGE realization that every decision I make regarding food has an affect. I have kept picturing the many faces of the people I saw, met, and connected with in the DR. I wanna be healthy enough to see those face in 11 months. Soooo, yes, I am back on track. Back on track indeed!

3. Had a visit with the Teodoro family - man oh man do I love them dearly! Wished that they lived closer, but I'll take an hour lunch with them over nothing!

Me with Jacob & Sam Teodoro

4. I have been in physical therapy for my knees, so I haven't been able to exercise. I'm hoping that will change very soon, because my 5k is a little over a month away! YIKES!!! I hope that the next time I blog, I will have had many a dates with my running shoes and the track!

5. I think that's it for now. :)

A lil Motivation

It's funny to think back a few months ago at an event that has changed my life in a drastic way. And what I am about to tell u may seem silly, but it is really the reason that things in my life have been changing.

picture it: I am in the Dominican on a mission trip. We are at the construction site of the feeding center we went over to build and we were told that there were some baptisms happening and that we were gonna go to witness them. Pretty cool huh! BUT WAIT...how are we gonna get there u ask. Good Question. Normally we went on a mini-bus type thing because of the size of group we had. It was like any normal vehicle u and i have been in. One problem. The mini-bus thingy isn't going to pick us up to take us to the site of the baptism because it is already at our destination. Sooooo...that means that we all have to hop on a water truck to get to the baptisms. Doesn't sound bad does it? Well not to a personal of normal weight and mobility. Which by the way did not describe me at that particular time in my life.

So as I am eyeing up the water truck that we were going to have to "hop" on, my heart sank. I subtly tried to figure out how in the world I would get my big fat caboose on this thing. After several minutes of debating this in my head I came to the realization that I would be staying overnight at the construction site cuz there was NO WAY I was gonna physically be able to get on this thing. And I was not about to ask for help either. (Toooooo embarassing!) THEN, I hear murmors of them putting the kiddos in the front of the truck. That's it, i thought...i'll hang with the kids. (there was a step on that part of the truck, so not difficult to get into. It was then that I heard angels singing.....ok maybe not, but that was opportunity to not look like a complete cow of a woman. Sooooo like the servant I am, ha!, I graciously offer to be with the kids in the front. That was the moment I realized that I have a serious problem....

I don't know how to explain it, but it was such a hindering feeling those few minutes I internally debated about how I was going to hoist myself onto the water truck. It was that moment that I will never forget. That was the moment when I realized on a whole new level just how much my health and my weight keep me from living. I have said this before, but I feel like I am trapped in a shell of a person that isn't really me. Because of my weight I hesitate to try new things, I am constantly wondering if I will fit here or there, or if someone will notice this constant debate I have in all social situations, wondering if my size will somehow affect me in anyway. THIS my friends is NOT living.

I also came to the conclusion that my weight can keep me from doing things the Lord is calling me to do. (side note: I almost didn't go to the Dominican because I was ashamed of my weight and I knew that it would negatively affect me on that trip) Instead of the Lord controlling this part of my life, this part of my life has controlled me for too many years. It's not just about how I look, it's about the type of life I have because of my weight...it is not a life I would wish on anyone!

Because of that moment in the DR, because of the Lord gripping my heart with His truth, and because I don't want to live the type of life I have been living this area of my life has changed dramatically! Praise the Lord! I have now lost 30.5 pounds and am THRILLED! I have also been changed in my heart and mind, and that is stinking awesome because that means the physical change is just a result of the heart and mind changes! That means it will stick this time....it's not about getting to a smaller size (although that is FUN!), it's not about being viewed as pretty, it's about glorifying the Lord with my body that belongs to Him. It's about being available to live the life He desires for me.

One more thing: I decided as a way to keep motivated and excited about this journey, I would "reward" myself for every 10 pounds I lose. Soooo, here is a pic of my first 2 rewards.

The necklace charm has my initial on it and the ring says "Nothing is impossible". This necklace is a constant reminder of the journey I am on...With Him, I can do anything and everything. Nothing is impossible! I'll be sure to post a pic of my next "reward" :)

the perfect storm, AGAIN. ~ 27.5, WHAT??

the perfect storm

nov. 24, 2004 was the beginning of 3 very hard years in the life of amanda. what began with the loss of a mother, turned into a time in my life where loss was a popular theme. It also began a faith journey like none other for me. I began to ask the Lord tough questions that I have yet to find answers to. let's say that my perfect storm was not enjoyable and i never wanted to repeat it or have anything like that happen again....well, apparently we don't always get what we want. (duh amanda)

about a month ago, all the pieces were in place for the perfect storm to return and park itself right over me with no end in sight. I can't explain it...i don't understand it...i hate it...i am wondering why it's back...

in the midst of this storm i find myself in, i am holding on by a thread to the truths that the Lord soooo lovingly gave me in the midst of the initial storm. i fear that as i struggle to hold on, that my strength will fail me. guess it's a GREAT thing that His strength is what matters. it's His strength that will keep me in the fight. it's His strength that will get me out of this storm as a changed woman. so in the meantime, i am holding on for dear life praying that the storm will end but trusting that He has BIG things for me to learn and grow in.

27.5 pounds gone, WHAT??????

For reasons that can only come from the Lord I am getting smaller and smaller as the weeks go on. It's crazy!! I have been shocked...

at the results of my hard work. BUT I know that it's not me who is getting through each day making the right desisions for my body. Someway, somehow He has gripped my heart and has begun this change inside of me that is being reflected on the outside. I can't even begin to explain it. BUT I LOVE IT! Lately I have been tempted to pick up that tasty treat to bandage wounds, but before I can even go beyond the thought of eating, the WORD comes flooding into my brain and my heart and it allows me to see that that tasty treat is just that. it's just food, not a bandaid.

1/2 Marathon...22...James...Ranch

whew...lots and lots going on lately. Where shall I start? I guess at the 1/2 marathon. and NO WAY am I talking about myself, just so ya know! Last weekend I got to be at the finish line while my friend Jeanette completed her first 1/2 marathon! It was soooooo exciting! Here is a pic of her crossing the finish line like a CHAMP:

I am sooooooooo PROUD of her. She set a goal to do something she had never done before and she did it! I was literally crying as she crossed the finish line. What a cool thing to be a part of in her life!!!!! YAY Jeanette! Can't wait until the next one you run in! ;) Below is us after she ran...doesn't she look stunning. Wish I looked like that after running...i'm a hott mess, but she is gorgeous as ever!

I am happy to report that as of June 8th I have lost a total of 22 pounds. I was just thrilled when I stepped on the scale that Monday. I had run harder and more the previous week than I have done before and it paid off!!! I know that I have a TON more to lose, but I am just sooooo excited to be headed in the right direction! I can't even begin to tell you all that I have been learning during this short 8 week process, about myself and the Lord. I've said it before and I'll say it again, without Him it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose weight. It is His strength in me that has gotten me to where I am right now. I look forward to the long journey I will be on and I am super excited to continue learning more about Him as He transforms me physically, emotionally, and spiritually!!!!

James - I'm really pumped about a Bible Study that I am in. We are doing an Inductive Study on the book of James. I LOVE LOVE LOVE detaily things and that is exactly what this study is ALL about! Not only is the Word alive and exciting, but this Bible Study is also a great way for me to connect with other women! I'm loving it and look forward to the challenge!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY - Things are movin' and shakin' at the Ranch (where I work). We have 2 HUGE events coming up next week, so it's a stressful, hectic, yet exciting time for us. Be prayin that God will get all the glory in the details of next Thurs and Fri. That His name will be made known more than any of our special guests names, or even the Ranch's name. It's because of Him that the Ranch will have any impact on this community, state, and the lives of the people involved.

I Gotsta Brag

Here are some of the latest pics of my nephew Asher!

This is my ABSOLUTE favorite. He is soooooo stinkin cute, I can hardly stand it!

I think this MUST be the reaction he has EVERYTIME his mommy and daddy mention his Aunt Amanda. I mean, who doesn't have that reaction when I am mentioned?!?! HAHAHA!

YIPPEE!!

Oh yeah...and guess who has lost 17 pounds? yeppppppp....ME (with the Lord's help of course! Couldn't do it without Him!!)

"New Building" - yeah right!

ok...sooooooo I have been going to Crossroads Church now for a lil over a year. I have found fellowship there, have had my heart increased for missions there, and have found solid biblical teaching there. It has been such a blessing to be a small part of that church family, but recently it has been hard. The church just purchased a moved into a new church building. The previous church that was in that building was New Beginnings Community Church!?!?!? DOES THAT NAME RING A BELL?????? *sigh*

For those of you that don't understand what I am talking about here is the brief edited version of a very long story: I found out about that church during the first year I lived in Morgantown. Attended it after 7 months of going to another church and ended up staying at New Beginnings for 3 1/2 years. Also for 2 of those years I was on staff at the church. During that time there were 4 MAJOR things that I went through: Dating Lance, Losing my mother, and then eventually breaking up with Lance, and also eventually leaving the church under not so positive circumstances, but definitely God-directed (which left me churchless, fellowshipless, and jobless). Of course there are loads and loads of other things I could type regarding those 3 1/2 years but I did tell you that i was giving you the brief edited version, so I'll leave it at that.

So needless to say, this past Sunday was a celebration for everyone else in the Crossroads Church family, but not really for me, when we had our first service in the new building. For me it was a constant reminder of those past 3 1/2 years and all the loss and hurt that I experienced. I have been wondering why the Lord has allowed me to have this going on in my life...I don't think it's a coincidence that I am where I am...I just would rather to never step foot in a building that stirs in me what that church building stirs in me. I would rather not be reminded of the most painful 3 1/2 years of my life. I would rather not be reminded of the constant loss I experienced and the deep deep wounds that loss has left on me.

So yay for Crossroads Church! Glad that the Lord is moving in ways that are soooo clear and evident...but really bummed that I can't quite enjoy it the way that I believe I should. I'm praying that I will be transformed even more during this season of reminders and that one day I can truly rejoice about it as well.

Perfect Timing

May 10, was Mother's Day. Mother's Day has become a weird day for me...I noticed it this year more than I have before. It's a sad day for me due to not having a mother to celebrate of my own anymore, but a happy day because of all the mother's that I know. This year in particular was the first Mother's Day for a lot of my friends and my sister. The very first of many that they will have...So I found myself sad and incredibly happy all at the same time. Weird.

It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!

After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

Now I do realize that this verse was not fully talking about physical death as it was a realization that the people had sinned against God and their relationship with Him had been restored. Soooo not the same context, but still very applicable. I had never read the entire book of Nehemiah before...just bits and pieces of it...so this verse in particular was new to me. How sweet of the Lord to reveal this truth in His Word to me on Mother's Day of all days. A day that I was struggling with...

After I spent time in the Word, I drove down to my "special spot" and sat and reflected and prayed and cried. AGAIN...like He does all the time, the Lord met me in a special way and I got an idea of how I can honor my mother. I found a really neat rock in my "special spot" and I stole it! Yessss, I stole from the Ranch! ha! I am going to paint the rock...and add the scripture from Nehemiah on it. {pics will be posted soon, once the rock is complete} It's hard to find things to do to honor my mother because I feel like I am not in a permanent location...I don't want to put something somewhere and me leave it in like a year or two. Sooo this year's "thing" will b very movable! :)

The joy of the Lord is my strength....and I praise Him for that! It's only because of Him who is in me that I have joy, hope, and healing! Life is tough...without Him I couldn't endure the twists and turns that get thrown at me. Loss is impossible to understand, but His character never changes! His truths are just as true today as they were way back when!

--Knocked Out--

Whew! After about a week of what I say is the SWINE flu, others may argue that, I am on the road to recovery, thankgoodness!!! It all started last Tuesday evening, shall we go there? I think we shall.

Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...

Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.

Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!

Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!

Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....

Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!

THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)

This blog is really random!

I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!

I'm going POSTAL!

NOOOO, not in the violent way...in the rain, sleet, snow kinda way!

OK....so not that I am complaining cuz I understand that there needs to be rain, BUT why oh WHY does it need to rain every day that I am training for my 5k?????? It seems as if everyday that I venture out to train is a battle. Whether it's the track that isn't usable, or it raining cats, dogs, elephants, and every other large animal known to man, EVERY day has been a struggle! I am very happy to say that the rain hasn't stopped me! Although I have thought twice about it when I hear the rain pellets clamoring down outside! I have to again say, that it's not because of me, it's because of who is in me!!! Thank you Lord for giving me strength and desire to get healthy even when I have every reason to stay at home, remain dry, and read a good book! Here is a pic to prove that I am dedicated because the Lord is just pushing me and driving me towards better health and a lifestyle that brings Him glory!

Thanks Ang for being a trooper and running in the rain with me!

--Can't Keep This Inside--

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. --Hebrews 4:12-13

I have been reminded time and time again this past week at just how powerful the Word of God is. It is what brings healing to a hurting heart, it's what turns lies into truth, it's our source to the very heart of God, it is the very heart of God. When we are focused on the Word, the promises of God, the promises we have as His children it will transform us. It will change us. It will radically challenge us. It will bring us life.

I had the blessing this week of writing a ton of scriptures on notecards for a friend...not only was it a blessing to be able to share the Word with a friend and encourage them with it, but what an amazing time I had looking up promise after promise after promise. To let the power of God's truth penetrate my heart--WoW!

If you find yourself lost, confused, hurt, angry, complacent, etc. I challenge you to open up the Word and let the beauty of the words penetrate you to your very core...it WILL TRANSFORM YOU!!!!!

While I'm Waiting

It has just been one of those weeks.

*finished my second full week of training for my 5k and still haven't died. yAy!!

*lost another 5 pounds for a GRAND TOTAL of 11 in two short weeks!! Looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!

*was able to "be there" for a friend in need.

*had a productive and enjoyable week at the Ranch.

*and realized more and more just how important this time in my life is: this period of waiting. the period of transforming. this period that the Lord desires for me to have because He has graciously and lovingly given it to me. this period of wondering, hoping, pressing on. this period of preparation for something AMAZING. this period of growth. this period of...


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

Not what I expected...

I've been reflecting the past few days about my life. There seems to be one major theme that I have seen throughout...if you would have asked me 12 years ago what I thought my life would be like, my ideas and what has actually happened would not match.

I always thought that I would go to college, get a MRS and graduate, get a job as a teacher then have kids, be a stay at home mom, and the rest would be history. Boy was I ever wrong. I also didn't think I would have Jesus as my number one priority and I really didn't believe that I would experience loss like I have the past 4 1/2 years. It's amazing to me how quickly we form plans in our minds of what we would like to happen. We decide what is suitable for us, what's convenient for us, what we would like, what we would chose.

Well 12 years ago this August I began a journey that has many twists, turns, and surprises and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am living in a state that I didn't know ANYTHING about, I'm most definitely single with very few dates to speak of, no longer have a mother, working for a ministry that didn't even exist, and I love Jesus with my whole heart! Boy how my life has changed. I've also been reminded of the fact that the Lord has His plans and purposes and He brings them to fruition...He has the perfect plan for each of us! Even when we can't understand the who's, why's, when's, etc. His plans are perfect.

Even though my life is nothing like I would have planned or picked or asked for, I'm truly blessed to have experienced what I have, met the people that I have met, and gone through the many valleys...He has used it ALL for my benefit and HIS glory!!! Thank you Lord for knowing what is best and protecting me from the things I wanted that were obviously not in Your plan for my life. THANK YOU!!!!

Jesus Boot Camp

So this week was the "official" start of my 5K training. Monday I was on the track while it was raining cats & dogs & ELEPHANTS not to mention hurricane force winds and chilly temperatures! BUT I went...I may have been soaking wet with mascara running down my cheeks, not moving faster than a turtle, but i WENT! I could have very easily used the elements as an excuse to not go, but I just kept thinking there will ALWAYS be a reason for me not to go. Then Wednesday hit, I again thought I was gonna be met by lots and lots of rain, but the Lord provided a brief window of opportunity in between rain pellets and I was able to do my training! It's kind of embarassing because I am about as fast as molasses, but I know that it's just the beginning and I will get better. I just pray that no one that I know sees me!! Tomorrow is day three...looks to be sunny and warm, hope that makes my caboose move a lil faster!!

I am also happy to report that on Monday I had my first "weigh-in" and I have lost 6 pounds so far!! I was pretty proud of those 6 pounds! Again, I have a LONG way to go to get where I want to be, but I am just soooo stinkin' excited that I am headed in the right direction. Every minute I make choices that will impact my life and health and I pray that He gives me the strength and desire to make the decisions that will bring Him the most glory. Apart from Him I can't do it, I can't muster up the motivation to run in a monsoon...I can't say no to the pizza at our Board Meeting (I definitely said no and chose a veggie sub from Subway instead)....and I can't walk through the aisles of the grocery store and not put all kinds of yummy treats, that will pack on the pounds, in my cart. HE allows me to do all of those things...It's so hard, but I am truly thankful that He is giving me self-control!!!

I had a breakthrough in the Domincan Republic that has lit this fire in me to change my life. I won't go into details (soooo unlike me, I know! ha!) but I had a moment where I realized I was trapped...trapped in this body that keeps me from doing a lot of things. Trapped in a shell that keeps people from seeing me. Trapped in this fat suit that keeps my confidence barely above ground! TRAPPED! I don't want to be TRAPPED anymore!!!!

It's weird...Jesus Boot Camp that is! Have you ever felt like the Lord was preparing you for something...you can sense it...you experience Him in a new and exciting way...you just KNOW He is up to something...but you have NO IDEA what??? That's where I am right now. I truly believe that not only am I in physical training but I am also in Jesus Boot Camp...training to be more effective for Him, training for a new and exciting journey that He has planned for me. Sky is the limit! It's fun, exciting, and weird all at the same time.

ROAD TRIPS & GOALS

As a single gal I have found that roadtrips are happening more often in my life and have provided an immense amount of refreshment for me. I find that those are times when I can just escape from the busyness of life, reflect on what the Lord is teaching me, pray, and of course sing and dance. This past weekend's trip was no different. Thanks to the music of Eric Hutchinson, Laura Story, Kelly Clarkson, Feist, Tracy Chapman, The Fray, and many other artsists, I think I may have pulled some muscles from my fierce dance moves while driving. Many of my closest friends make fun of me for this, but I just think it's yet another way to try to burn calories! Laughing and dancing WILL get me to my goal weight! I am also happy to report that ghetto cruiser, also known as Sha-Needa in some circles, made it to MD and back without quitting. Considering she is a FORD (never again will I be a FORD owner!) and has over 121,000 miles I just pray everytime I start her up that she works! The trip was a success!

I also listend to numerous sermons by Mark Driscoll...whew, what a godly man who has a way of making the Word come alive and be challenging in new and exciting ways! Good stuff!! I was listening to a sermon series on marriage...which i thought was appropriate considering that the purpose of this road trip was to witness in my good friends wedding.

Congrats Kate & Brad!!!

She was a stunning bride and he was a handsome groom...This wedding was a true representation to me of God's faithfulness! Their story, the years of obedience, the measures of forgivenss and grace, the love they both have for the Lord...good stuff. They really need to write a book about their story. It is guaranteed to provide a ton of encouragement to many people!!!


Back to the sermon series....as a single gal I desire to be married someday so I enjoy listening to sermons on marriage in hopes that the Lord will use them to teach me a ton and prepare me someday for marriage. It's my desire to be the woman He desires to be so I feel like I am in marriage boot camp until He provides that man that will accept me and love me because of who I am in Christ. I also enjoy spending time with my married friends...I just try to soak up all their godly wisdom so that one day I will be a wife and a mom that brings glory and honor to the Lord. (Atleast I pray that those things would be true of me!) Sooo yeppp, Roadtrips are fun and refreshing...can't wait for the next one!


Goals: well people I have 2 really BIG goals. Are you ready? Can you handle it?? I will be running in my first 5K on August 22. The training has begun! I also have a goal of losing 50 pounds before I turn the BIG 30, which will happen on August 24. Pray for me! I know that I can't do it apart from Him who gives me strength and self-control. It's a HUGE area for me to fail miserably in, but I am going to take it one day at a time and trust that He will help me reach my goals.

Austin Trip, Asher, Mom, Life, Confusion, blah blah blah...

Just got back from my trip to Austin.... :( I miss my nephew already! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!? What a fun visit it turned out to be! My sis and her hubby live in Austin and just had their first child, Asher Henry Sorensen, on February 4th. This was my first trip ever to Texas and my first chance to hold lil Asher in my arms. To say it was a joy is not saying enough! Although I wished that I could have done more to help out, I was able to help my sister get some much needed rest (hopefully I helped!), did some laundry, dishes, snuggled with my nephew, and watched the lil guy so she could get a massage. This was not a hard decision to make...have u seen Asher???? ;) Seriously though, this was something that I wanted to do since I found out my sis was preggers. It's what mom would have done...well, actually she would have moved down to Austin for a few months to help Reba out...wait, NO she would have moved there permanently!

It's times like these that make it harder for me that my mom is no longer here with us...the first BIG event that she missed was Becky & Peter's wedding...she would have been sooo proud to be the mother of the bride that day. I have pictured what her beaming face would have looked like many times since that day. And now with the birth of Asher....her whole being would have radiated knowing that Becky was going to be a mother for the first time. To be quite honest....it SUCKS that my mom has missed those things. It sucks for us to have her not here for those things. I haven't had any major life transitions since she passed like my sis, but I wonder what it will be like for me if and when those moments come. Will it be like the day isn't complete because she's not there? Will it ever be normal to go through life transitions now that she isn't here to be a part of them.

My heart aches for Becky in that way...(Yeppp, Beckers, I sure do hurt for u!). I guess that is what motivates me to fill in the gap so to speak. I would want someone to do that for me. Now don't get me wrong, I love my sis and I would do anything for her, peter, & now Asher, but I can't help but feel even more motivated to do more, be more, give more. Gosh...why does this have to be so hard? It's times like these that I often raise the questions that will never get answered...it's times like these that I have to cling to God's promises, cling to His Word and what I know to be true, and not focus on the why's and not focus on how I feel. I by faith, have to continually place my trust in Him, regardless of how I feel. (I needed to say that twice...it helps me to beleive it even more!!) :)

Here is a precious picture of Becky with Asher

Goodness Becky....you look exactly like mom. My heart aches for her to be here to witness Becky become a wonderful mother. Just watching Becky love on Asher, hold Asher, talk to Asher, and comfort Asher made me so proud to be her sister. Becky...YOU ARE GONNA BE ONE HECK OF A MOM!!! YOU ALREADY ARE!! What a precious precious gift I received by going to Austin Texas!

CONFUSION - I feel like I have entered a new land and it's name would be CONFUSION! Location: my heart and brain! AHHHHHHHHHHH! I blame it on my trip to the Dominican Republic! I have NO IDEA what God is doing in my heart, but something is a stirrin' and it's driving me CRAZY that I'm unsure of it's nature! I still reflect on that trip...It was a weird, difficult, challenging, yet AMAZING trip. For those of you that know me, you may not believe this, but I was just not myself on that trip. I felt like I was an observer...like it was my job to just sit back and watch and take it all in...it was just a weird weird thing. I was soooo bothered and broken over some things that I saw. There were moments during the trip that I couldn't even remember scripture to save my life to encourage another believer. I felt like I was at a loss for words in every situation we were in...and y'all know I am NEVER at a loss for words. NEVER! It was like Amanda took a lil retreat inside herself and watched the trip happen from a distance. Even one of the other members of the group called me out on it. She said that I wasn't "shining" like I normally do. (???) I think that was a compliment that I quickly dismissed. I like to think that I ALWAYS glow....pastey white skin just does that naturally! (See how I use humor to thwart any compliment...even in a blog that I am writing.) Work in Progress is the title of this blog...now do u know why?!?!

Seriously though, I'm not sure what the Lord is doing in my heart...again, I am at a loss for words. I just know that I don't want to miss what He is doing, I don't want to ignore the tugging that is on my heart, I don't want to overlook the things that He desires to teach/show me. Prayerfully I will understand the confusion soon....

On a much lighter note: I WENT TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!!!! YAY! Ok....I know that it may seem really silly to get sooooo excited about that. You just don't understand! I have been a fan of David Robinson since 1989. To even think of walking on the same sidewalk as him was just sooooooo cool to me! AND NO, I AM NOT A STALKER....I just appreciate him, his ability to play ball, his character, and his heart for the Lord. IS THAT SO WRONG???? :) I had hoped that I would have a divine encounter with the admiral, but the day I was in his city, he was in Detroit for the NCAA championship game. R U KIDDING ME?!?!?!? *sigh* ok ok, I know some of you are praying for me after reading this...well my guess is that ALL of you are...THANK YOU! ha!!!! Hey, I take any prayers I can get!! ;) In allllll seriousness, stalkerish tendencies aside, it was a neat thing to be able to go there and experience a little part of the city, and enjoy a fun road trip with Becky, Peter, & lil Asher!

Picture taken at the Alamo

Asher

I'm here in Texas visiting Peter, Becky, & Asher! It has been a good time! I can't believe that I have actually been able to hold the guy in my arms!!

He is very precious!

I'm just thrilled that I have been able to come and visit and help out. I got to spend the whole morning with him while Peter worked and Becky went for a massage! (They might just ask me to come visit more often! he he he!!) I'm really looking forward to more moments that I will have in serving my sister by doing laundry, changing diapers, washing the dishes, etc. And not to mention hold the lil guy while He wiggles, and while he sleeps!

5K - What was I thinking?!?!?

It all started with a conversation I had with my friend Bethan. See, she is a machine. And she was trying to convince me to start training to a run a race with her. After much laughter from yours truly, I got to thinking...why not? So I made her a deal that in 2 years I would run a 10K with her. (She is headed to Guatemala with the peace corps for 2 years) I figured that I have a TON of weight to lose, but I want to do it healthily (is that a word? it is now!) Soooo, it's gonna take me a LONG time to reach my goal. So I thought 2 years seemed reasonable.

THEN enter Jennifer Staggers. I love her, but man, why did she have to have a "good" idea???? She suggested that her and I start training for a 5K, do one in the summer to start off with and then do a bunch more throughout the year. Then once I have that under my belt, why not start training for a 10K. My first response, like always, was LAUGHTER!!!!! But wouldn't ya know it, I ended up deciding it wasn't a bad idea after all. Sooooooo, yepp, I have finally put action behind my normally empty words and the training has begun. PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!

I have picked a program that I have heard a TON of good things about...Couch to 5K. Like it's title, it is supposed to take u from the Couch to a being able to do a 5K in 9 weeks....

There, I set a goal....I will meet that goal if it kills me! BUT i have a sneaky feeling that it will only make me more "alive."

These will help me reach my goal...but more importantly...

I can do everything through him who gives me strength. ~Philippians 4:13

It's AMAZING how one week can change your life!

A pic from my recent trip to the DR

I had the privilege of going to the Dominican Republic for one week, and let me tell ya, it has changed me! How does 7 days leave such an impact on one's life and heart? Since being back, I have had a lot of time to pray, reflect, and read God's Word and I sit here amazed that He allowed me to have the blessing of going. I'm a little nervous about what He is doing as a result of this trip, but also very excited too. I feel like He is calling me to be bold in telling others about Him. To look outside my self and truly put others before myself. I know that He is increasing my heart for the lost. And I know that He is telling me to take radical leaps of faith for His glory!

A precious boy!

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. ~Philippians 2:3-4

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. So do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.

~ 2 Timothy 1:6-9

Yolanda and I

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart; for whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God's grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

~Philippians 1:3-11

Ramblings....

Been doing a lot of thinking lately. Feel like I have entered a "reflective" season here recently...It's kinda weird...I feel like I haven't been my obnoxious self! Wonder how many people appreciate these seasons?!?!?! ha! It started before the trip to the DR, but intensified when I was there...it's often like I enter my own little "world" in my head...SCARY!!!! :) Although sometimes I appreciate these times because I think it's good that I am stretched and challenged by the Lord and that I am reflecting on all that He is teaching me. On the other hand it can get very overwhleming because it seems as if I can't escape from my thoughts!

Been thinking about my mom alot lately. There is never a day that goes by that I am not reminded of her, but recently it's been a lot more frequent. It's hard to believe that it has been 4 years, 4 months, and 6 days since she passed away. Some days the memories are soooo fresh that it seems like it was yesterday, and then other days I feel like I can't even remember what her voice sounded like. Today I was just reminded of how much the Lord has healed me and continues to heal me. I'm sooooo thankful that He met me the way He did the first few years after she passed away. I am who I am now as a result of the gowing up it forced me to do. I hate that she is gone but I am incredibly thankful for all the Lord has taught me as a result of the need to trust Him in ways that I never thought was possible. It's neat to see and know that in this loss He has received all the GLORY!!!!

I have also been trying to figure out how to be content in the place He has me. I have Life A, but I desire and feel like I was made for Life B. I often wonder how to live in Life A when I am soooo discontent and long for Life B. Does anyone else struggle with this???? Does anyone else have the "magic answer" to be content in where He has me/you when I/you desire something that we haven't been given??? If so, please enlighten me because I am tired of the battle that wars inside of me! I long to be a woman who is content in all circumstances. I desire to take what He has blessed me with and make the most of it...to live the abundant life He desires me to live...and not long for something else. It's sad to see how wicked my heart can be....

Also been learning a lot about what it means to know that my identity is found IN Christ. That is such a foundational truth for a believer...it's a shame that I don't live like I know that truth. Still grappling with this issue....maybe another blog to come about that.

Soooo anyone out there got some wisdom from the Word to encourage me?? That would be super great if ya got any! Ginny....I know u do, give it to me sistah! ;)

Dominican Republic

Wow...sooo I have had lots of requests for a new note/blog since returning from the DR...ya'll that makes me feel soooo special! But I think you are just being nice cuz you know that there was one coming whether you requested it or not! ha! hey, it's who God made me to be...I can't keep inside what He is teaching me, showing me, etc. sooo, here weeeeeeeee go.... (remember that a lot of you asked for it.)

Many of you have wondered how this trip compared to my trip to Ghana. Well, to be honest, it's kinda hard to compare the two. I feel like the experiences are completely different. My trip to Ghana will always be EXTREMELY special to me...it was the first time I had been overseas, I went alone (HUGE leap of faith for me), and it was the first time I got a real sense of God's heart for the world. My trip to the DR was a lot less scary for me travel wise, I went with a team of AMAZING people from my church (Crossroads peeps ROCK!!!), and this trip increased my heart for the world even more than I expected.

The trip started off great because I met three super fun girls on the plane who were from the DR but studying in Miami. (Sarah, Scarlet, & Laura) You gals were SUPER FUN and soooo helpful. Thanks for telling me more about the DR and for all the laughs! AND Thanks for speaking in English (some of the time) so that I could understand you! ha! When our team got off the plane we were met by two fantastic GO Ministries missionaries (John & Eric)! Seriously you guys were INCREDIBLE!!! Throughout the whole week they translated, took pics, shared their faith, encouraged us to be stretched in our spanish speaking ability (or lack there of), cheered us on at the construction site, worked at the construction site, talked about the DR and what things they have experienced, etc etc. I don't think there was anything that they didn't do! They seriously have the coooooolest "job" ever.... Lovin' the Lord and Lovin' people! Doesn't get any better than that!

Throughout the week we spent time lovin' on kids, worshipping with believers in 5 languages (crazy cool!), met and interacted with pastor Francisco and his family (as a church we are supporting him and committed to coming alongside his ministry in many ways), and began building a feeding center that will some day soon provide a meal for children 6 days a week. We also as a group got to know one another better and became a lil family (I LOVED getting to know all of you better and LOVED serving alongside of you too!!!)

I know this note/blog is kinda broad, but I am still overwhelmed at what I experienced on this trip. I have experienced anger, frustration, joy, thankfulness, confusion, love, peace, etc in my heart since the minute I stepped off that plane in the DR. It's been hard for me to "put my finger on" one thing that sticks out to me because it seems like everything we did hit me like a ton of bricks. I say that to warn you that there will be more notes/blogs to come as I continue to allow the Lord to work in my heart regarding this trip.

Here’s one specific moment on the trip that I will never forget. We went to a feeding center one day for lunch to help feed kids. (this would most likely be the only meal these kids would get that day.) It started off with us singing songs with the kids because the food wasn’t ready. It was a joy to see all their little faces, knowing that there were about to get a meal. (COME ON…..when do we EVER wonder if we are going to have a meal. The biggest concern we have is WHERE are we gonna go to get the meal – makes me sick!) Then the reality hit me….these kids get one meal a day IF there is enough food. I began looking at their faces in a new way…my heart was not filled with joy but rather with a deep sadness. We (the Americans) formed a line so that we could take plates of food to the kids….one problem, toooo many kids, not enough food. My heart just sunk…There was supposed to be enough food to feed about 50 kids, there were close to 90 in the room just waiting to see if they would get fed. As we started taking plates of food and passing them out, they separated the kids in 3 groups: kids sitting around the table, kids sitting on the back table, and then kids sitting along the wall. We were told to feed the kids sitting around the table first. DO YOU GET THAT….We had to walk to those kids first meanwhile that meant we had to pass others up.

I don’t know if you are getting a clear picture of this or not, but to say that it broke my heart is not saying enough of what it did to me. On one of my trips, I walked to the back of the room and as I passed a child that was sitting along the wall, he grabbed my pant leg, motioned his arms as if he was asking me for the plate, and motioned that he was hungry. I had to keep walking past him and give that plate of food to another child. That would be the moment that I LOST IT. I just got soooo angry. Angry that there are these wonderful, beautiful, amazing children that don’t know if they will get a meal. Why is this still happening in the world??? It just breaks my heart, it makes me want to go back and make a difference somehow, it makes me fall on my knees in the presence of the Lord, it makes me long for the day when there aren’t children starving, it stirs me to appreciate all that I have been blessed with, it allows me to see that I need to give more, be more, love more, it drives me closer to Him!

You know, I don’t know the answer, but I do know that I can respond to what I have seen. I am still unsure of what the Lord desires me to do, but I do know this, I am praying for those little faces, I am yearning for more of our heavenly Father, I am clinging to promises in His Word about how He will bless the poor, and I can’t wait to return to see those faces again!

You want to know the coolest thing that happened that day?? Do you?? Come on, you know you wanna know….the Lord provided enough food for every single child in that room to get fed! He is soooo incredibly good to provide the way He does. He is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!!!!!!!!! It was like a miracle right in front of our faces. INCREDIBLE!

Whew….OK this is like a novel, and friends, it’s just the beginning! YIKES! I promise to only tag you in this one though….

Crossroads peeps – You have such amazing hearts and it was a privilege and a blessing to go on this trip with each and every one of you!

John & Eric – YOU GUYS ROCK! Enough said!

My new DR gal pals Scarlet, Sarah, and Laura – You were such a joy to meet. Be looking for an e-mail from me!!

Everyone else who will bravely read my ramblings – thanks for cheering me on in my desire to go to the world, thanks for lifting this trip up in your prayers, and thanks for being super great friends who I love dearly!!!

"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."John 17:25-26

The Cost

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." - Luke 9:23

"And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple." - Luke 14:27

WoW!!!! Those are some SERIOUS words of truth! In fact sooo serious that they scare the living daylights outta me! Do you people know what those verses really mean??? Do I know what those verses really mean???? (I think I see glimpses of what they mean and it is SCARY!!!!!!)

These are things/thoughts/actions etc. that happen in the day in the life of me:
*think about what it would be like to be married
*I eat food that is not healthy for me
*I waste time on facebook
*wish that I was RICH so that I could afford nice things for my house
*Stress over the fact that I don't have curtains in my kitchen or spare bedroom
*feel incomplete becasue I am not a wife and mom
*get jealous at friends who have the hubby and child(ren)
*sleep
*exercise (sometimes)
*Think about exercising! ha!
*watch tv
*work for Chesnut Mountain Ranch
*long for my knight in shining armor to come and rescue me from my singleness
*think fondly of my time in Ghana
*have random memories/thoughts about my mommmz throughout the day
*think of all the people that I know and love
*say no to things that inconvenience me
*get mad at things that in light of eternity are meaningless
*want to give someone the finger for the way that they are driving (I don't actually do this, but some days I get close! jk) I just get REALLY frustrated at stupid drivers!
*I sometimes AM a stupid driver
*listen to music and dance to the beat!
*again, pray for my hubby to find me!
*think about my family
*send a few e-mails
*etc etc etc etc etc

The point I am trying to make is this: I don't take up my cross daily and follow Him. I am way more concerned with whether I am going to get married or not, or whether I communicate to that driver that I am irritated at him just pulling out in front of me, or that I say no to the friend that asked for help because I am too selfish with my schedule and time. I am more concerned about how I feel that what I know is true. I am more concerned about what would make ME happy. I am more concerned about being the person everyone likes. I am more concerned about keeping my mouth shut than giving truth that might offend someone. I am more concerened with being lazy. I am more concerned with how good that doughnut tastes....it's ALL ABOUT ME!!!! Do u get it???? Do I get it????

The verses mentioned above tell us to die to ourselves....we lay everything at His feet and are not tempted to pick it back up before we get caught laying it there....WE MUST DIE in order for HIM TO LIVE!

Oh how I wish that the list above (and things I failed to see or mention) simply said: I deny MYSELF, and take up my cross daily and follow HIM!

-sNiPiTs-

Well folks the past few months have been full of fun, change, joy, growth, & stress... Instead of me typing my typical 300 paragraph long blog I will just give u snipits of my life. r u ready? here weeeeeee goooooooo

~I went to visit my dear friend Jill in Wisconsin over Turkey Day! It had been 2 1/2 years since we had seen each other so it was a much needed visit! It was great meeting her family, seeing where she did ministry back in the day, spending HaPpY hOuR with her at Siggity Sonic!, venturing out to the mall on black friday with her, eating a cheese curd in her parent's kitchen AND living to tell about it, and plenty more fun was had. What a joy it was to be able to spend quality time with one of my favorite people in the world!!!! God is soooo good to have allowed me to meet her almost 8 years ago and she STILL is my friend by His grace! ha!!

~After several months of looking, the Lord provided me with a place to live that is perfect for me and is in my budget (which, let's be honest, is a miracle!!!) I met a neat family who has been soooo kind and generous to me to let me live bedroom house!!!! It has come with a lil stress like no furnace for the first few days I was there, a broken toilet, a clogged sink, and no appliances, BUT it has all worked out and all of those things are either working or have been replaced. It is truly a joy to be on my own again!! Although I do miss my last roomie, who was ridiculously great in letting me crash in her basement for the past 10 months! Georgie you ROCK!!!!!!

~I spent my very first Christmas away from family. Due to the stress and timing of me moving I stayed in WV over Christmas and New Years. I didn't spend the day alone, just so ya know!

~JACOBSON FAMILY VISIT #1,987: After about 3 days of living in my new pad I had some friends come into town and stay for a hott minute! Like always their visit was AWESOME and way TOO short...COME BACK Andy, Gin, & Jimmy!!!!!!!!!!

~Have met some really neat people the past few months too so that is always FUN!!!

~Had a Super Bowl ParTAY in my new house....thanks everyone for coming!! It was FUN!!!! I'll need to post pics if all the crazy people in my living room wearing 3-D glasses only to be disappointed at the lack of 3-D awesomeness. BUT boy did they look silly!!!!

~Some women from Crossroads Church (the BEST church EVER) and I started exercising 3 days a week. We have been doing Turbo Jam which I personally think it is a torture device! It has been such a joy sweating and laughing with the ladies there....

~As always I feel like the Lord meets me in such an intimate way...always lavishing me with grace, love, truth, mercy, & kindness...lots of things to pray about, lots of things that i am challenged by, and lots of things that He continually uses to shape and mold me!!

~Last BUT NOT least, yesterday my BRAND SPANKIN' new nephew came into this world!!!!!!!! (well, I mean he has been a part of it for 9 months, but u get what I'm sayin!) His name is Asher Henry Sorensen, weighing in at 8lbs 6 oz. , measuring 20 inches, with lots of hair, Peter's nose and Reba's Gigantic feet!!!!!!! I can't wait to go to Texas to meet the lil guy!!!!! YAY!!!!!!! This makes me an aunt of 7 lil ones!!! What a joy, what a joy!!!!