Tears

i cry. A LOT.

Sometimes I find this bothersome. sometimes i find this to be frustrating. other times i find this to be quite special. (i have yet to determine whether this "special" is good or bad)

Just in the past few days these are the things that have caused tears to roll down my cheeks:

-watching a movie where a father dying of cancer was reunited with his estranged son. Something about seeing the redeeming qualities of the father and son brought out due to a family crisis just stirred raw emotion in me. And of course the fact that the father dies...come on. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!

-reading my journal that my friends made for me just about a year ago when I was about to leave on my 3 month journey in the DR. Seeing how the Lord has woven my life with many people who love Him and serve Him. Encouraged by their thoughts of me and what they have seen the Lord do in and through me. again....WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!

-during a reflective time I had with the Lord over the weekend. Just being reminded of how much He loves me. How much He desires me. Knowing how He pursues me. Experiencing his love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience....ok, admit it....YOU are now crying, cuz WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

-Reading a blog of a dear friend who also lost her mother. Reading her thoughts about that loss in her life...knowing that for me losing my mother affects me to the core daily. It's a loss that I can't seem to understand. it's a loss that I'm constantly reminded of. I attempt to do life knowing that I don't have a mom to call anymore. it's wanting to know how in the world she made apple crisp cuz eventhough i follow her recipe it never tastes like how she made it. Knowing that I'm not going home on Easter Sunday because I don't even know if anyone in my family is getting together for Easter dinner. Telling my friends son about my mom telling my brother that i was going to be green and the incredible hulk when i was born and how he was disappointed that i was a girl, not green, and definitely not the incredible hulk. (sorry george....she should have NEVER told you that) Come on.....that is sad. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! (I'm crying as I type this. seriously.)

-Thinking about the many lives affected by the natural disasters happening, what seems like, daily. Japan....Raleigh....Haiti.....lives lost, homes destroyed, lives forever changed. Trying to see the Lord's purpose in it all....grappling with understanding why these things happen....holding onto to the truth that He does use all things for His glory even when it seems impossible. Do I even need to ask about who is crying????

-my work place is AWESOME! We have soooo much fun. Laughing so hard I cry. Yeppppp, happens about once a week (me brought to tears that is). Come on....we are a funny bunch!

Sometimes I wish that I didn't cry at EVERYTHING so EASILY! (I bet if I was an actor I could cry on demand.) Seriously though, sometimes it stinks. I HATE going to movies fearing that I am gonna look like a hot mess when the lights come on from all the crying. Sometimes I can't even talk because my emotions are so real. so raw. It's also hard to relate to people that don't cry. It's like we don't "get" each other. I think they are ridiculous cuz they aren't crying. They think I'm ridiculous because I cry to much and inevitably the frustration of that makes me cry. (i'm not kidding)

Other times I like that I cry. I like that I truly feel things in my core. I like that I am able to share that with most anybody....eventhough I know it makes men uncomfortable. (this is another reason why I think I am single. men just don't know what to do with a crying woman. I can't really blame them....sometimes I don't know what to do with myself either) I'm glad that I feel things, feel things sooo much that my life is altered by them. I think it makes me real. Which let's be honest, I would rather be real, transparent, and honest then being fake and seemingly ok on the outside but really dying on the inside. Who wants to feel like they are bottled up all the time? not me!

Jesus wept. (secretly my favorite verse because it makes Jesus seem more real to me then any other verse in the Bible) is that weird?

I'm a Braggin' Fool!!!

These two are sooooo near and dear to my heart!!!! I can't wait to see them very very soon!!!!

Asher & Adam

******************************************************* Adam

It's the little things....

*having time to reflect on my day during my quiet evenings at home.

*downloading then listening to new music.

*having random "dates" with friends throughout the week

*trips to Texas

*learning more about my department at work and taking on new tasks.

*The kings heart is in the hands of the Lord. He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. Proverbs 21:1

*having friends that months go by without contact yet when the impromptu phone calls happen it's like we just talked the day before.

*calling my sis and hearing the murmurs of my new nephew Adam in the background.

*hearing my nephew Asher giggle.

*walks on the trail

*warm, sunny weather

*ice packs....have been great for my "jacked up" back

*painted toe nails

*finding a cute handbag on clearance!

*answered prayers

*laughter

*my thorns - drives me closer to Him.

*His faithfulness.

My days are full of sweet gifts from the Lord and I just wanted to take a minute to be thankful for some of them! I hope you take a second of the busyness of your day to see the Lord and all the blessings BIG and small He gives you.

Adam "Chunk" Sorensen

He is gaining weight....almost 6lbs already. Loved by his parents and BIG brother. Soon to be visited by His Aunt Manda. The lil guy is doing incredibly well and is super duper cute!!!

~Quote~

I have been reading "Voices of the Faithful" lately. It's a collection of stories from Christians all over the world. I'm sure many of you own it and have read it. There was a quote that I read several weeks ago that the Lord has been reminding me of lately: "As we prayed God did not bring immediate freedom from pain. Instead, the pain became the path by which He drew near." It later reads: "His power transforms us, resulting in a greater change than merely removing unpleasant experiences." ~Whoa!

I absolutely LOVE this quote and the godly perspective woven through the words. As I think back on times in my life that have been super difficult, it hasn't been about Him removing the circumstancs, but rather what He does in me during the circumstances. I'm sure we all have hurts, wounds, scars from circumstances we have found ourselves in. I'm sure that many times we have cried out for the Lord to rid us of the hurt and pain, wondering if He hears us, hoping for Him to show up in the midst of the pain and miraculously change the circumstance so we are left with peace, joy, and relief.

But what if He doesn't? Then what? Do we sit in the pain? Do we then travel a path of unbelief and question? Do we let anger take residence in our heart? Do we isolate ourselves from the people in our lives that love us and care for us? Does this sound familiar to anyone other than me??

Sadly, I have traveled the road mentioned above...the road that leads to ultimate disappointment. The road that leads to frustration. And sadly sometimes that is my first reaction when circumstances don't turn out to be as I had hoped. The road the Lord desires for us all is to trust Him in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the storm, in the midst of the worst possible circumstance we could ever imagine ourselves in. The road He desires for us is filled with love, compassion, grace, mercy, kindness, faithfullness, and strength. It's a road that leads us into a deeper walk with Him. A road that leads us to His Son and transforms us and molds us into His likeness. This my friends is the only road I want to be on.

Beth Moore in one of her Bible Studies says: "We are always interested in God changing our circumstances, but He is interested in changing us." If you find yourself at a crossroads....wanting to head down the road that leads to anger instead of the road that leads to the Son...your circumstances are not what you want....the pain is too much...your hope is diminishing by each tear....know that He is using it all. He is teaching you in the midst of the pain. He is being glorified in the pain. He will transform you and will use the pain for good.

I know that the process is messy and hard, but hold on strong to the promises found in His Word....He is in COMPLETE control and nothing that happens suprises Him. He will give you all you need to have joy in the midst of the pain. Hold onto Him. Trust Him even when you can't understand how. Believe Him for the healing. He won't fail you. AND He will change you.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed..........Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18

Weight Loss Journey???

I added a weight loss tracker to my blog today....but I feel like that is not a true depiction of what I want to track on this journey the Lord has me on. Yes I want to track my weight loss but I also want to track the state of my heart. (they don't make trackers for that) :) As my heart changes there are bound to be physical changes but the heart changes are what really matter. I desperately want my body to be the temple He created it to be. I want to make decisions in His strength that bring honor and glory to Him. I don't want to destroy what He has graciously given me. I want to serve Him to the best that I can and my weight has a definite effect on my ability to do so. A verse that the Lord first showed me in the Dominican has been one that I have clung to recently:

Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. - Romans: 14:20

I am on this journey with the Lord and I am experiencing such joy and peace from Him. He is showing me that through Him I can conquer this area of my life. That I can get up every day and lean on Him for wisdom in choices I make regarding food. This is such a neat thing and I am excited for all that He has shown me and will show me as I continue to seek Him.

This journey definitely is hard....I had my weigh-in tonight and was SUPER excited to step on the scale....but then the results were spoken and my heart sank. I only lost .5 pounds....and this has been the same results I have experienced the past 3 weeks. It has taken three weeks for me to lose 1.5 pounds. Do you know how FRUSTRATING that is?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? As soon as my leader told me what I had lost I quickly said "Are you KIDDING me?" I told her that I feel like I am stuck and not sure how to fix it...that I have been following the weight watchers program and am perplexed as to why I can't seem to lose more each week. I left the meeting pretty discouraged, but on my way home in my car I felt like the Lord say that He was proud of me. That He was so excited that I had another week where I looked to Him for what to eat. He whispered to me that I am on His journey He is leading me on and that is what matters.

I feel like I can so easily lose sight of Him on this journey. I can so easily forget that this journey will be the rest of my life and all He is asking me to do is take one decision at a time....leaning on Him, trusting Him to guide and direct me....and I have to trust that He is in complete control. I am so thankful that He reminded me tonight that it's about Him, not about the scale.

The tracker will be a fun way for me to visually see the changes He is making in me....I'm excited to see all the suprises He has on the bumpy and exciting ride ahead!

Fun things

This week was a week of things. What fun things, you ask. Welllllll lemme tell ya since u asked so nicely ;)

-Monday night with my gal pals Ang and Kristin. There is just something fun about sitting at Panera chatting with these women about life, food, family, hearts, etc. I really look forward to my Mondays with my gal pals.

-Thursday night dinner with my dear friends Kristen and Anthony. I just love these two. Who knew that over 6 years ago I would meet my neighbors and develop a fun friendship with two awesome people! They are a hoot and make me laugh everytime I see them!!!

-Far Out Friday!!!! Me and another girl in my office (Val) planned a 70's theme work party. It was super fun to see people dress up and bring food so we could have a slammin' salad bar and a far out time playin 70's Bingo! Fun prize give-aways, yummy food, lots of laughter, and funkadelic music made for a great office party!!! I personally think we should be the office party planning committee....yeah, Val and I were THAT good! ;)

-Saturday morning breakfast with Danielle!!! Danielle is a gal I had the pleasure of meeting 3 yrs ago when we were both in Jason & Jeanette's wedding. We became friends quick and can always have a good time catching up. It doesn't matter how many months go by between visits, we chat it up like we just saw each other. It's fun to learn all about what the Lord has been doing in her life and she is just a joy to spend time with. If I have one complaint it's that we waited sooooo long to catch up.....let's get together soon friend!!! love ya!

-Saturday night.....It's Final Four Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE me some basketball!!!! March Madness is my favorite time of year. I'm cheering for either VCU or Butler to win it all!!! The only thing that is sad is that in just 2 short days basketball will be over and I have to wait another year for the fun to come back.

-My new nephew, Adam Kristian, got to leave the hospital on Thursday!!!! That is awesome considering he decided he wanted to join us about 6 weeks early. He is doing great, Reba and the gang are doing great! Can't wait to see him soon!

What a super fun week of connecting with people I love, seeing God move in HUGE ways, and enjoying the time He has chosen to bless me with. Hoping that this week has more fun in store!