Eucharisteo

A believe that the Lord orchestrates beautiful things to take place in our life...things that at the moment seem ordinary but oh how He will turn the ordinary moments into life-changing, Jesus-filled, joy moments where we realize that our life will forever be changed. I had one of those moments this past Friday. I was driving around town and ended up meeting with my sweet friend Dawn at Target because she was braving the crazy Black Friday crowds to get some much needed winter gear for her kiddos. This was not a planned time together, but a decsion made kind of on a whim. I joined her as she was crossing things off her list...our Target trip was full of good conversation and laughter. I love this woman so much! She is such a joy in my life and I respect her for the way she lives out the Gospel daily.

As we were walking around chatting she mentioned a book that she read that changed her life. Now when Dawn say something has changed her life I listen, and listen quickly! She starts telling me about the book - 'One Thousand Gifts'. As she is talking about it she gets so super excited and decides that she is going to buy me the book. Well what a blessing that book has been in the past 5 days of my life. It's all about Eucharisteo - giving thanks. This "ordinary" woman is being used by the Lord to change thousands of people's lives/hearts by simply practicing Eucharisteo. She started making a list of 1,000 things in her daily life that she is thankful for. Once she hit 1,000 she didn't stop, but continued on daily giving thanks for the Lord's blessings in her life and as a result she is experiencing living a full satisfied life in Christ, not wishing and wanting for something other than what she has. To find joy and thanksgiving in the "boring, mundane, or pain" is the key to living a grace-filled life. A life that honors the Lord.  She found that starting a habit of practicing thanksgiving was like a nail driving out the old habits of self doubt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and discontment.

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I am only about halfway through this book, but I am starting my list of 1,000 gifts:

 

1. Redemption in Loss.

  

Let me explain. My sister and I growing up didn't have a great relationship. (that is putting it mildy actually) It was a relationship that didn't seem to have much hope in it. I always kind of felt like our relationship was doomed from the beginning and it would remain as it began. Well wasn't I quite wrong. Things changed a little when she went off to college and I remained at home for my senior year of high school, then that was followed by a little bit more positive change as I went off to college. Hints of the past would creep in when we would be at home for the holidays, but there were longer breaks in between the hurtful times. Then enter the passing of our mom. I never imagined being able to see good in such an awful time in my life. Losing my mom is like a gaping wound that never heals. It has gotten smaller over the years, but it still hurts some days as if it happened yesterday.

Enter the redemption in loss. My relationship with my dear sister Becky has been redeemed. We have gotten closer the past 7 years...both fully experiencing loss that I don't think we ever thought we would have to face this early in our lives. A loss that has inevitably drawn us closer to one another.  Then enter Asher and Adam. What a joy my nephews are! Since they have been born I feel a tug on my heart to "do" more for Becky. Mom would have moved to Texas by now to be closer to Becky and the boys and it breaks my heart that my sis had to have some of the most amazing days in her life occur without mom being there to be her biggest cheerleader. I know I can never be in my becky's life as mom would have, but I love her so much that I want to be someone in her life that will encourage her, help her, cheer her on in her achievements, and not just be her sister but her friend too.   This also spurs me onto being in the kids daily life.

Losing mom has been the most hurtful thing I have ever had to experience, but seeing the development of my relationship with Becky since then has been a rainbow in the midst of a storm. So Becky, I am very thankful for you, for the past few years that we have grown closer and I look forward to many more years seeing our relationship grow! You are such a joy in my life and I am incredibly thankful for you.


 

Redemption in Loss. Such a BEAUTIFUL thing.

Clinging to the Cross

Simply to the cross I cling. Letting go of all earthly things. I'm clingy to the cross. Mercy's found a way for me, hope is here as I am free. Jesus You are all I need, I'm clinging to the cross.

This is the chorus that played over and over as I took a prayer drive this past Sunday all around Morgantown. Prayer drive, you ask? Yes, a prayer drive. I felt led to drive all over Morgantown and pray as the Lord led me to pray. It was one of the best afternoons I have had in a very long time. As I passed the hopsitals and prayed for the patients and family members visiting the patients, and as I drove down the street that is lined with bars and crazy college students the chorus above played over and over again.

Driving past old churches that I have attended, apartments of my first and only ex-boyfriend, the place I drove to after I left the hospital the night after my mom passed away, and past the homes of all the friends I have made over the years I was reminded of His faithfulness, His love, His grace, and His joy. Praying for the ones that have wounded me...praying for the ones I have wounded. Praying for the ambulance as it sped past me with it's lights glaring. Praying for my future. Praying truths from His Word. Praying over the Crusade office, the Ranch, praying for all the amazing people who are serving the Lord so that He will transform Morgantown into a place of hope....

As I drove and drove and prayed and prayed constantly listening to the words above...how amazing is our life when we are clinging to the cross. How amazing is life when we are abiding in Him, immersed in His Word, looking for Him to move and work in every detail of our day. How amazing life is knowing that no matter what the minutes will bring, the pain ahead on the path He has planned for us, He is enough. No matter what mistakes we have made His grace is sufficient. His love is enough. His mercy is enough.

Jesus, You ARE all I need.

focusing on the pigs

Mark 5:1-20 The Healing of the Demon-possessed Man

Not cliffnotes, but Amanda notes: Jesus comands evil spirits to come out of a man, they then enter 2,000 pigs and lead the pigs to their death, drowing them in a lake near by. As people witness this miracle, they were afraid and asked Jesus to leave.

I have heard a few sermons in my day about these verses but the focus has always been on the demon-possessed man and the miracle that Jesus performed in his life. After He performs the miracle, He comands the man to share with others what He did, so that others will believe in Him. The emphasis has been on the man being commanded to share his story, to tell others of the mercy and love of Jesus. This emphasis is important and I don't mean to minimalize it, however that is not what strikes me in this story.

I think the reason is three-fold:

1. I have ALWAYS seen the importance of sharing my story with others. It's actually my favorite thing to tell people because I love using personal stories to relate to others. I guess you can say I value that aspect of building relationships with others.

2. I think that this lesson is very obvious to the reader, Jesus's teaching was very apparent in this chunk of scripture.

3. Timing is everything and I think I needed to see an additional lesson these verses emphasize. (isn't that the great thing about the Lord! He has timely lessons for us as He is working in our lives and that His truths are even in the shortest of verses!)

What strikes me is the response of the people that witnessed the miracle. They focused on the pigs....they missed it. They missed seeing mercy and love that occurred right in front of their faces! They missed the bigger picture because they were distracted by the pigs. The pigs represent a loss, a worldy and financial loss. It is clear to me what their hearts were focused on.

That resonates soooooo much in me.....makes me realize just how much i miss when my heart is focused on worldy things. I miss what He is doing in and through me when it is right in front of my face! I am distracted by unmet desires. being busy and selfish with my time. being lazy and not in the Word as much as He desires for me to be. not giving up desires that may not be of the Lord. Struggling with finding my security in other things then the Lord.....etc etc.

Going back to a more obvious lesson of these verses..sharing what He has done and is doing in our lives. If we are focusing on the "pigs" and not on Him how can we even be active in sharing what He is doing when we are too distracted to see it....Whoa! Makes ya think doesn't it? Makes me think. I pray that my focus would not be on the "pigs" but on our Maker!

A lil of this, a lil of that

well goodness....has it really been almost a WHOLE month since my last post? how does that happen??? Time sure does FLY by, whoa nelly!

Work has still been going great! It's always a good sign when you wake up early in the mornings excited for your work day to start. I think the reason that I have mentioned this numerous times is that I never ever thought I would enjoy a "non-ministry" position before. Now don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed the path the Lord has been leading me on the past several years, but I think I was always a little scared to have a "non-ministry" position....I thought maybe I wouldn't be a "good" Christian in that environment. I'm not sure why I thought that, but I am excited to see that the Lord uses me in every situation He places me in. It's not about being a "good" Christian, it's about being a Christ follower.

Exercise? So I am gonna start training for another 5K. Rail Trail, here I come!!!!!! ooooh and I was thinking about buying a mountain bike. Anybody out there wanna help me get a good one??? (Jeanette....I mean u, when I say anybody! Let's go get me a bike soon. k?) I am just hoping for a few things:

1. I want my bike to be purple. yes, purple. don't judge....
2. That I won't look like a complete dweeb in a helmet.
3. That I can buy a BIG seat for my not so small bottom. I do hope that the riding of the bike will make my bottom smaller. :)
4. Did I mention that I want a purple one? just checking.....

Switching gears - I am currently in TEXAS!!!!! I have had the joy of meeting precious Adam for the first time. Cuddle time with him has been pretty sweet. I have also had the joy of playing with giggly Asher. Oh my stars is he a cutie!!!! Here are some pics.....enjoy.

It has been good to be here with the kiddos, Peter, and Reba. Part of me is excited to get back home and then another part of me wants to move here. sigh. welp, that's it for now.....

work

uhhhhh, so just a lil over a week ago i blogged about tears. seems that my tear ducts are functioning well...too well infact. Today, I started crying at work. yes, at work. Me and my friend Val work in the same department. The two of us plus our supervisor make up our department. The three of us work really well together and have loads of fun. Our supervisor is always telling us how much we resemble her daughters....it's like she is our psuedo mom.

Val and I decided we were going to get our supervisor a gift for Mother's Day cuz she is always making comments about her being our mom at work. Val and I have lots in common, but one thing is that we both lost our moms. As we were discussing what we were gonna do for the gifts, I started tearing up....looked at Val and then she yelled "stop" and then she started to tear up. AT. WORK.

Sigh.....

Usually I am crying at work when I laugh extremely hard. (this does occur often!)

It's soooo funny to me to think back when I was looking for jobs a few summers ago...I found this job by looking in the classified ads in the newspaper. Honestly, I only applied for the job because it said you had to be able to lift up to 50lbs, and well I am burly, so I figured I could do it. ;) Then once I got hired I kinda thought it was an undercover terrorists thingy. (The first position I had was shipping items overseas on a daily basis, thus proving my terrorist theory wasn't completely off track) hehehehehehehehehehe

I really just took the job because I needed one. I never could have anticpiated how much I would gain from working there. yes, like every work expereience there are good and bad things, however my experience has been predominantly a good one. It has been my first experience working in a non-mininstry position (although i view it as my ministry). I never could have imagined that I would still be working there, in a completely different department, and really enjoying it. I have met wonderful people there. People that make me laugh, that encourage me, that pray for me, that challenge me, that frustrate me (as I frustrate others too I'm sure), and that make me want to be better.

I feel like I have learned a lot about my strengths and weaknesses and am trying to take every opportunity while there to continue to build on my strengths, and work on my weaknesses. I look forward to going to work every day, laughing with my co-workers, and serving the Lord in the administrative position He chose to bless me with. I consider this job a gift as well as the relationships/friendships I have made there. He knew what He was doing when He led me to that classified ad. I LOVE that He knows what is our best even if it doesn't appear to make sense to us. I LOVE that He uses everthing for His Glory...I LOVE that I am blessed to be a small part of His BIG plan. He chose to give me life, to place me in the position He prepared me for, and will continue to lead and guide me accordingly to His plan! Soooooo thankful for Him and the many joys and blessings I get to experience on a daily basis.

Tears

i cry. A LOT.

Sometimes I find this bothersome. sometimes i find this to be frustrating. other times i find this to be quite special. (i have yet to determine whether this "special" is good or bad)

Just in the past few days these are the things that have caused tears to roll down my cheeks:

-watching a movie where a father dying of cancer was reunited with his estranged son. Something about seeing the redeeming qualities of the father and son brought out due to a family crisis just stirred raw emotion in me. And of course the fact that the father dies...come on. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!

-reading my journal that my friends made for me just about a year ago when I was about to leave on my 3 month journey in the DR. Seeing how the Lord has woven my life with many people who love Him and serve Him. Encouraged by their thoughts of me and what they have seen the Lord do in and through me. again....WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!

-during a reflective time I had with the Lord over the weekend. Just being reminded of how much He loves me. How much He desires me. Knowing how He pursues me. Experiencing his love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience....ok, admit it....YOU are now crying, cuz WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

-Reading a blog of a dear friend who also lost her mother. Reading her thoughts about that loss in her life...knowing that for me losing my mother affects me to the core daily. It's a loss that I can't seem to understand. it's a loss that I'm constantly reminded of. I attempt to do life knowing that I don't have a mom to call anymore. it's wanting to know how in the world she made apple crisp cuz eventhough i follow her recipe it never tastes like how she made it. Knowing that I'm not going home on Easter Sunday because I don't even know if anyone in my family is getting together for Easter dinner. Telling my friends son about my mom telling my brother that i was going to be green and the incredible hulk when i was born and how he was disappointed that i was a girl, not green, and definitely not the incredible hulk. (sorry george....she should have NEVER told you that) Come on.....that is sad. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! (I'm crying as I type this. seriously.)

-Thinking about the many lives affected by the natural disasters happening, what seems like, daily. Japan....Raleigh....Haiti.....lives lost, homes destroyed, lives forever changed. Trying to see the Lord's purpose in it all....grappling with understanding why these things happen....holding onto to the truth that He does use all things for His glory even when it seems impossible. Do I even need to ask about who is crying????

-my work place is AWESOME! We have soooo much fun. Laughing so hard I cry. Yeppppp, happens about once a week (me brought to tears that is). Come on....we are a funny bunch!

Sometimes I wish that I didn't cry at EVERYTHING so EASILY! (I bet if I was an actor I could cry on demand.) Seriously though, sometimes it stinks. I HATE going to movies fearing that I am gonna look like a hot mess when the lights come on from all the crying. Sometimes I can't even talk because my emotions are so real. so raw. It's also hard to relate to people that don't cry. It's like we don't "get" each other. I think they are ridiculous cuz they aren't crying. They think I'm ridiculous because I cry to much and inevitably the frustration of that makes me cry. (i'm not kidding)

Other times I like that I cry. I like that I truly feel things in my core. I like that I am able to share that with most anybody....eventhough I know it makes men uncomfortable. (this is another reason why I think I am single. men just don't know what to do with a crying woman. I can't really blame them....sometimes I don't know what to do with myself either) I'm glad that I feel things, feel things sooo much that my life is altered by them. I think it makes me real. Which let's be honest, I would rather be real, transparent, and honest then being fake and seemingly ok on the outside but really dying on the inside. Who wants to feel like they are bottled up all the time? not me!

Jesus wept. (secretly my favorite verse because it makes Jesus seem more real to me then any other verse in the Bible) is that weird?

I'm a Braggin' Fool!!!

These two are sooooo near and dear to my heart!!!! I can't wait to see them very very soon!!!!

Asher & Adam

******************************************************* Adam

It's the little things....

*having time to reflect on my day during my quiet evenings at home.

*downloading then listening to new music.

*having random "dates" with friends throughout the week

*trips to Texas

*learning more about my department at work and taking on new tasks.

*The kings heart is in the hands of the Lord. He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases. Proverbs 21:1

*having friends that months go by without contact yet when the impromptu phone calls happen it's like we just talked the day before.

*calling my sis and hearing the murmurs of my new nephew Adam in the background.

*hearing my nephew Asher giggle.

*walks on the trail

*warm, sunny weather

*ice packs....have been great for my "jacked up" back

*painted toe nails

*finding a cute handbag on clearance!

*answered prayers

*laughter

*my thorns - drives me closer to Him.

*His faithfulness.

My days are full of sweet gifts from the Lord and I just wanted to take a minute to be thankful for some of them! I hope you take a second of the busyness of your day to see the Lord and all the blessings BIG and small He gives you.

Adam "Chunk" Sorensen

He is gaining weight....almost 6lbs already. Loved by his parents and BIG brother. Soon to be visited by His Aunt Manda. The lil guy is doing incredibly well and is super duper cute!!!

~Quote~

I have been reading "Voices of the Faithful" lately. It's a collection of stories from Christians all over the world. I'm sure many of you own it and have read it. There was a quote that I read several weeks ago that the Lord has been reminding me of lately: "As we prayed God did not bring immediate freedom from pain. Instead, the pain became the path by which He drew near." It later reads: "His power transforms us, resulting in a greater change than merely removing unpleasant experiences." ~Whoa!

I absolutely LOVE this quote and the godly perspective woven through the words. As I think back on times in my life that have been super difficult, it hasn't been about Him removing the circumstancs, but rather what He does in me during the circumstances. I'm sure we all have hurts, wounds, scars from circumstances we have found ourselves in. I'm sure that many times we have cried out for the Lord to rid us of the hurt and pain, wondering if He hears us, hoping for Him to show up in the midst of the pain and miraculously change the circumstance so we are left with peace, joy, and relief.

But what if He doesn't? Then what? Do we sit in the pain? Do we then travel a path of unbelief and question? Do we let anger take residence in our heart? Do we isolate ourselves from the people in our lives that love us and care for us? Does this sound familiar to anyone other than me??

Sadly, I have traveled the road mentioned above...the road that leads to ultimate disappointment. The road that leads to frustration. And sadly sometimes that is my first reaction when circumstances don't turn out to be as I had hoped. The road the Lord desires for us all is to trust Him in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the storm, in the midst of the worst possible circumstance we could ever imagine ourselves in. The road He desires for us is filled with love, compassion, grace, mercy, kindness, faithfullness, and strength. It's a road that leads us into a deeper walk with Him. A road that leads us to His Son and transforms us and molds us into His likeness. This my friends is the only road I want to be on.

Beth Moore in one of her Bible Studies says: "We are always interested in God changing our circumstances, but He is interested in changing us." If you find yourself at a crossroads....wanting to head down the road that leads to anger instead of the road that leads to the Son...your circumstances are not what you want....the pain is too much...your hope is diminishing by each tear....know that He is using it all. He is teaching you in the midst of the pain. He is being glorified in the pain. He will transform you and will use the pain for good.

I know that the process is messy and hard, but hold on strong to the promises found in His Word....He is in COMPLETE control and nothing that happens suprises Him. He will give you all you need to have joy in the midst of the pain. Hold onto Him. Trust Him even when you can't understand how. Believe Him for the healing. He won't fail you. AND He will change you.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed..........Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18

Weight Loss Journey???

I added a weight loss tracker to my blog today....but I feel like that is not a true depiction of what I want to track on this journey the Lord has me on. Yes I want to track my weight loss but I also want to track the state of my heart. (they don't make trackers for that) :) As my heart changes there are bound to be physical changes but the heart changes are what really matter. I desperately want my body to be the temple He created it to be. I want to make decisions in His strength that bring honor and glory to Him. I don't want to destroy what He has graciously given me. I want to serve Him to the best that I can and my weight has a definite effect on my ability to do so. A verse that the Lord first showed me in the Dominican has been one that I have clung to recently:

Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. - Romans: 14:20

I am on this journey with the Lord and I am experiencing such joy and peace from Him. He is showing me that through Him I can conquer this area of my life. That I can get up every day and lean on Him for wisdom in choices I make regarding food. This is such a neat thing and I am excited for all that He has shown me and will show me as I continue to seek Him.

This journey definitely is hard....I had my weigh-in tonight and was SUPER excited to step on the scale....but then the results were spoken and my heart sank. I only lost .5 pounds....and this has been the same results I have experienced the past 3 weeks. It has taken three weeks for me to lose 1.5 pounds. Do you know how FRUSTRATING that is?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? As soon as my leader told me what I had lost I quickly said "Are you KIDDING me?" I told her that I feel like I am stuck and not sure how to fix it...that I have been following the weight watchers program and am perplexed as to why I can't seem to lose more each week. I left the meeting pretty discouraged, but on my way home in my car I felt like the Lord say that He was proud of me. That He was so excited that I had another week where I looked to Him for what to eat. He whispered to me that I am on His journey He is leading me on and that is what matters.

I feel like I can so easily lose sight of Him on this journey. I can so easily forget that this journey will be the rest of my life and all He is asking me to do is take one decision at a time....leaning on Him, trusting Him to guide and direct me....and I have to trust that He is in complete control. I am so thankful that He reminded me tonight that it's about Him, not about the scale.

The tracker will be a fun way for me to visually see the changes He is making in me....I'm excited to see all the suprises He has on the bumpy and exciting ride ahead!

Fun things

This week was a week of things. What fun things, you ask. Welllllll lemme tell ya since u asked so nicely ;)

-Monday night with my gal pals Ang and Kristin. There is just something fun about sitting at Panera chatting with these women about life, food, family, hearts, etc. I really look forward to my Mondays with my gal pals.

-Thursday night dinner with my dear friends Kristen and Anthony. I just love these two. Who knew that over 6 years ago I would meet my neighbors and develop a fun friendship with two awesome people! They are a hoot and make me laugh everytime I see them!!!

-Far Out Friday!!!! Me and another girl in my office (Val) planned a 70's theme work party. It was super fun to see people dress up and bring food so we could have a slammin' salad bar and a far out time playin 70's Bingo! Fun prize give-aways, yummy food, lots of laughter, and funkadelic music made for a great office party!!! I personally think we should be the office party planning committee....yeah, Val and I were THAT good! ;)

-Saturday morning breakfast with Danielle!!! Danielle is a gal I had the pleasure of meeting 3 yrs ago when we were both in Jason & Jeanette's wedding. We became friends quick and can always have a good time catching up. It doesn't matter how many months go by between visits, we chat it up like we just saw each other. It's fun to learn all about what the Lord has been doing in her life and she is just a joy to spend time with. If I have one complaint it's that we waited sooooo long to catch up.....let's get together soon friend!!! love ya!

-Saturday night.....It's Final Four Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE me some basketball!!!! March Madness is my favorite time of year. I'm cheering for either VCU or Butler to win it all!!! The only thing that is sad is that in just 2 short days basketball will be over and I have to wait another year for the fun to come back.

-My new nephew, Adam Kristian, got to leave the hospital on Thursday!!!! That is awesome considering he decided he wanted to join us about 6 weeks early. He is doing great, Reba and the gang are doing great! Can't wait to see him soon!

What a super fun week of connecting with people I love, seeing God move in HUGE ways, and enjoying the time He has chosen to bless me with. Hoping that this week has more fun in store!

* Hello Adam Kristian * Battle * Gift *

Adam Kristian Sorensen

Well my new nephew decided to suprise us all and come about 6 weeks early!!! *hey lil guy...your aunt manda can not WAIT to meet u and hold u and love on u!!!!* He is being a champ so far for being so early. My sis is doing well too. What a blessing and answer to prayer that they are doing as well as they are. I will be headed to TX soon to help out and I am super excited about that!!!

I don't have any other fun news to share...my life here in WV remains to be fairly uneventful. I have rejoined weight watchers about 6 weeks ago. I have had many ups and downs with this area of my life yet I remain encouraged. It's amazing to me how easily I run to food to "fix" things in my life. Why is it that we run from the Lord to other things that just leave us unfulfilled and joyless? I have had some pretty hard months since returning from my trip to the DR and my weight gradually increased. It's hard/frustrating because when I was in the DR I didn't think about food. I experienced this newfound freedom that I never even had a glimpse of before and suddenly all that stayed in the DR and didn't return back to the states with me. Or did it and I am just ignoring it??

I think what it boils down to is that I have chosen to ignore the things the Lord taught me in the DR because I have fooled myself into thinking that "yummy" food will solve all my problems and the worlds. (didn't u know that Krispy Kreme doughnuts WILL bring peace to the earth!?!?!?!) It's ridiculous to place anything above the Lord in your life but I find that it is extremely easy. That makes me sad....I wanna love the Lord so much that I fight off things that try to take His place in my heart. I want to stop distraction aimed at my heart before they head my way...yet I have stopped fighting. (well I had stopped....I have picked up my sword and am ready for battle and have been fighting back for about 2 months) This is a small vicotry, but that's what life is about, right. Small victories every minute, hour, day, month, year...

I am finding that the older I get the more I understand myself and the more I love myself....for who He has made me to be. I love that I have a slow metabolism because that causes me to lean on Him for my daily choices of what I put in my mouth. It's a weakness that is constantly in front of me because I need to eat to survive. I have the joy of experienceing blessings daily as I see small victories with each choice I obey Him in. How COOL is that. I used to get angry about that, but it causes me to trust Him in a way that others miss out on. Yeah...that's cool!

I'm also beginning to enjoy being single...I mean, not that I am not wanting to get married, but I am really trying to view my singleness as the gift He has intended it to be. This is a daily challenge, but I am trusting that He will continue to show me this. I have not "arrived" but again, I am in the fight....I really want to live my life for Him and it's clear that He is asking me to be single cuz, well that's exactly where He has me. Until He chooses to change this then I am trying to trust Him in it. If He decides to not change this area, then I am trusting that He will give me all I need to not endure, but to have complete joy in the path He has designed for me. I'm not gonna lie though....I am still prayin for my prince charming! :)

That's a small update on fun news and my heart....still processing this "Plan B" book and the truths that the Lord is teaching me....more to come on that.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

i *heart*....

-March Madness!!!!!
-knowing that i can eat a ton of fruit for ZERO points on weight watchers!
-that my nephew Asher pretends to talk to "Manda" on the phone!
-that I am headed to Austin at the end of May to meet my new lil niece or nephew! (and to hang with Asher. oh and beck and pete) :)
-that my goal chart is getting A LOT of stickers added to it!
-I have the privilege and blessing to pray for all my friends across the world servin and lovin the Lord (I have a "prayer wall" that has your all's pics on it)
-I can laugh A LOT at work....my co-workers are a BLAST!
-ghetto cruiser is indeed still cruising!
-drinking a ton of water a day and feeling healthier after each wise, godly choice i make.
-girl scout cookie season has arrived!!! hellllllllloooooo thin mints!
-that I consider my big sis a close friend. (Beck, we sure have come a long way!)
-I am now paying for my internet.
-I have a savings plan in place to buy a replacement for ghetto cruiser when she decides to depart from my presence.
-the fact that the Lord is changing and transforming me continually.
-there is more daylight!!!!!
-the Biggest Loser!
-Monday nights with my gal pals at Eat n Park
-The Teodoro family!
-that I have women like Dawn Finn in my life to encourage and challenge me.
-I gots lots of friends that are a joy to do life with!
-my purple phone. it's PURPLE people, PURPLE!
-my converse sneakers!
-Scripture that continues to stir hope in me!
-answered prayers
-the group of gals on facebook that challenge me to continue to lose weight and exercise. I WILL win a weekly challenge soon!!!!
-mangos. oh my stars are they YUMMY!
-new music.
-Bruno Mars....his music makes me bust a groove!
-new organizational thingies for my cubicle at work. i LOVE organization!
-the Dominican Republic
-laughter
-frozen cokes!
-the Big Bang Theory!

Plan B....or is it??? (Part 3)

Oh Plan B.....u just sit there and act all powerful. Like u control me or something. Like u r a surprise. Like you are big, bad, and all that and a bag of chips. BUT to the Lord, you my friend, are His Plan A which is perfect!

I have been reading Plan B by Pete Wilson now for several weeks. I actually have stopped about half way through and just have been letting the thoughts stir in my lil brain....work in my lil heart....and process, chew, process, chew etc. Normally when I read a great book I just read and read until it's done cuz I get soooo excited. With what the Lord has been showing me through this book I feel it calls for more time. I am just letting the truths, scriptures, words of encouragement penetrate my heart. this is a good thing.

One of the things the Lord has been showing me is I think it's plan B. HE knows it's HIS plan A. Nothing surprises Him, nothing interferes with His plan, He is sovereign over everything, He is in complete control! He is not surprised at the circumstances in our lives, in fact He allows them all for our good and His glory!!! He uses everything for the good. He reveals Himself in the midst of pain. He bring glory to Himself by being faithful to get us through each and every "Plan B" we face! He is with us. He is guiding us. He is perfect in loving us. He chooses to be gracious. He willingly provides mercy and forgiveness. He lavishes us with healing. He gives us all we need and more to not just endure our circumstances but dance with joy in the midst of them!

Instead of me whining about my Plan B I want to choose to rejoice in the fact that it's His Plan A!

Proud Aunt Manda

On a lighter note I just have to brag on this lil guy so more. He just turned two last week...he's a lil man! He's into basketball (taking after his aunt manda & momma) Dr. Suess books, and riding a bike. like a for real bike! he's only TWO! Even though he is far away I consider it a blessing and priviledge to be his Aunt Manda.

Plan B - Part Two

"So what do you do with a shattered dream? What do you do with an unmet expectation? What do you do when your life isn't turning out the way you thought life was going to turn out? What do you do when you have to turn to plan B?"

I'll tell you what I have been doing.....

As a young and hopefully hip 31 1/2 year old my life isn't what I thought it would be. I never dreamed that I would still be single. In my mind by my mid twenties I was part of the statistics. the husband. the 2.5 kids. the minivan. the white picket fence. white shudders on 2 story home. i was living life with the man the Lord had created just for me. i even had numerous people in my life say it is just a matter of time...my prince is coming...you can believe the Lord for all those things...keep praying...be patient...put yourself out there...don't settle for something less than God's best for you.

So yeah...turns out I am a statistic all right. just so happens it's in the wrong category.

didn't. see. THAT. coming.

for all of you still wondering what I have chosen to do, well the wondering can stop. i have stewed in my anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment, bitterness, helplessness, and haven't been able to stop thinking about why me Lord, why me? I gave up. I quit fighting the good fight. Now don't get me wrong....there have been highs and lows along the way, but i definitely wouldn't get a medal or ribbon for my response to living Plan B. I have seen pockets of insight, hope, joy, and patience but overall my response has been less than pleasing to the Lord.

You know what I am coming to realize:

*all those positive things people kept telling me - yeah, so i'm not quite sure that they should have said all those things. they know the Lord's plan just as much as I do and basically that means they know nothing. Telling me to keep hoping I don't think is the right thing to say...dare I say I don't think it's the biblical thing to say. My hope...my trust...my faith needs to be in Him not in the chance of my circumstances changing. Those things, granted are nice and encouraging to hear, are not necessarily an accurate picture of what God's desire is for me. What if my prince doesn't ever come? What if he isn't just around the corner? Be patient for something that He may never choose to bless me with? BUT instead, hold fast onto Him...the author and perfector of our faith...the One who has all of my days ordained....the One who knit me together in my mothers womb...the One who says that I fearfully and wonderfully made...yes, those things I need to hold onto with everything that is in me.

Please don't hear me say that I am Debbie Downer....whawhawhawha....I am just thinking that we don't know what the Lord has for any of us and we shouldn't be in the business of making promises to people that may never get fulfilled. We shouldn't pretend to know what His plans are. And TRUST ME when I say that I have said all of those things to other gals. Plenty o' times. because in my heart of hearts I want those things for them. I want them to have their desires met in the way they want them because I want to be joyful alongside them. What I think we all fail to realize is that His best is what will give us Ultimate Joy and that we should spur each other on to know Him, to love Him, to abide in Him, not to hope for things He can give us. (Preaching to myself as I stand on this soapbox!!!!!)

whew....Part 2 has been a lil intense...

i'm tired.

i'll leave you with this: "constant contact with the Creator is essential for transformation living. If you want faith enough to live the life God's called you to live, time with God is simply a must. And that applies double when you're facing a Plan B situation." Thanks Pete Wilson for spelling out such simple truth in a very practial, matter-of-fact way.

More to come...Part 3 is on the horizon. (by the way, i have NO IDEA how many parts there are. ha!)

Plan B - Part One

Picture it....it was the summer of 1997...I was on the brink of becoming a college freshman, packing up to go to IUP. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life. exciting yes, no?!?!?! I had all these amazing ideas. i was gonna meet a lot of fun people and hopefully not only get a bachelors degree but also my mrs. yes, that's right.....my MRS! Cuz that's what happens to people in college, they meet their soul mates. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it was May 2001...I was on the brink of becoming a college graduate, packing up to head to Colorado for the summer. joining staff with Crusade. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life, after college. Again, had all these amazing ideas. meet new people, AND meet my missionary husband. Cuz that's what happens to people in ministry, they meet their match. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it was May 2005...I was on the brink of leaving staff, saying my goodbyes, ready to start working in church ministry. a fresh start. blah blah blah. Amazing ideas....blah bah blah....and this is when I was gonna meet mr right. That is where people meet the person they are meant to be with. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it is February 15, 2011....I am no longer working in full time ministry, figuring out the next step the Lord has for me, working in WV. and blah blah blah.....

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It's interesting looking back at my life so far....such hope in every new beginning. Such anticipation of what the Lord had in store for my future. Willingly hoping. Praying for Plan A...trusting for longings to be fulfilled...faith for the seemingly impossible...obedience to His plan...saying no when I needed to say no....choosing His best....turning down a possible marriage knowing it was His desire for me to turn it down....all the while thinking that because I had listened...tried to do right...took steps of faith....that He was gonna somehow magically answer my prayers. That somehow I deserved for Him to give me my plan A.

Well folks, God is not our geenie...He isn't our vending machine of blessings...He isn't manipulated by our obedience...HIS PLANS are already ordained for me...His plan is what will succeed even when up against our greatest abilities of manipulation and bargaining. Trust me....i have bargained with the best of them.

I haven't been a girl that I am proud to be when it comes to accepting Plan A just isn't in the cards for me. I have not be joyful in the midst of trials, I have not been thankful in the midst of withholdings, and I certainly haven't been thankful in the midst of His protection. That is incredibly sad....

Started reading a really great book this past weekend:

Excited about what I am learning......Plan B Part TWO coming tomorrow.....

It's my party and I'll cry if i want to...

so yeah, pity party 2011 went off with a bang....there were tears, angry words, more tears...did i mention the tears...sadly there were no guests, this my friends was a party for one. no decorations, no music. just tears. if i am really really honest, i would say that this party started in the fall of 2010 and has kept going and going and going....

u know, i don't wanna be THAT girl. I wanna be the girl who strives for righteousness, who willingly accepts Plan B, who graciously accepts wounds, who quickly recovers when her world is turned upside down, who doesn't keep the Kleenex company in business, who looks to her Father for comfort, understanding, grace, mercy, love, and patience.

friends, I have NOT been THAT girl. I have been the girl who has sat in her anger and frustration and let the evil one rob me of my joy. It's like he stole all my sparkle....well ok, i kinda gave it to him. I have been the girl who tosses blame, who turns her back on her Creator, who points the finger, and asks WHY me?

I can't say that the party is over, however I can say that I acknowledge that the party has gone on WAY too long, and that it's not a party I wanna host anymore. I CAN say that I don't wanna be the guest of honor anymore. I want my party to be all about Him.

Pray that I let Him change the party theme!

Asher is Awesome

This is my SUPER cute, adorable, fun, precious, giggly nephew Asher!!!

go-stay-move

where You go i'll go. where You stay i'll stay. when You move i'll move....i will follow You.

These are some lyrics of a Chris Tomlin song that I first heard when I was in the Dominican Republic this past summer. When I first heard it, I noticed the beat. Then I noticed the power in the meaning of such simple words...such simple statements...such simple ideas. It has become one of my favorite worship songs and will forever be a song that will spark memories of my 3 months I lived in the DR.

Shortly after I got back to the states, I would play this song over and over again. Claiming the words to be true of my life and heart. Thinking, Lord, if You really want me to go back to the DR to live I will go! This is what I thought the meaning of the song was....for me to be willing to serve Him in the DR. I have listened to it since and the words have taken on a new meaning to me. See before, I kept my focus on the word GO...that must mean I need to go back to the DR. Well, that may indeed be true, but I think the more important word in the song He is now showing me is stay.

Stay in this place....in my house....in my family....in my job.....but GO towards Him. Let Him penetrate my heart in a way I have never experienced before. Stay to deal with hurts and wounds so that I can receive true healing. Stay. Stay? really? For this season...for this time...for right now, I believe that following Him means staying right where I am. I believe staying is what will ultimately move me to GO where He is leading me.

I have decided to trust Him with some HUGE hurts, some DEEP wounds, to fall in love with Him all over again so that I can go and serve and follow as He leads. I have decided to run towards Him...to fall at His throne and soak up His grace, love, forgiveness, and mercy that He is longing for me to see and understand. I also believe that He is asking me to stay...lay my desire to go back to the DR at His feet, and trust that if that is where He wants me, it will come to be.

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, my future, heck i don't even know if He will choose to give me a tomorrow. Right now, all I know is that I need to stay. Going back to the DR may be in my future....it's something that when I think about it I get excited. And if after a period of staying He calls me to GO then I will glady, joyfully, obediently GO. (is obediently a word?)

Long over due...

It's amazing to me to see how my blogging trends are indicative of the state of my heart. When all is right in the world of Amanda blogging occurs...a lot. When things in Amanda's world are "off" there is no blogging. My life has been really "off" since coming back from my trip to the DR. I guess you could say that I entered a little depressive state after I had been back for some time and I think I have just been sitting in that state. Still am, but atleast now I am aware of it and can admit it...out loud.

My weight follows a similar pattern....when things are going good, my weight decreases. When things are going not-so-good my weight goes up.

The real issue is this: the state of my heart dictates the state of everything else in my life, good or bad. If my heart isn't doing well then everything about me isn't going well and if my heart is in a good place, everything else is in a good place. Ever think about the sheer amount of verses in the Bible that have the word "heart" in them. I'm pretty sure it's because our hearts are super important. We are supposed to afterall "above all else, guard your heart...."

It's a new year....yay for 2011! I say yay, because I am ready for a fresh start, a new beginning, a clean slate...I am ready for another chance to guard what is most precious in me, to the Lord. I want 2011 to be the year that I actively, intentionally, and purposely guard my heart.