i cry. A LOT.
Sometimes I find this bothersome. sometimes i find this to be frustrating. other times i find this to be quite special. (i have yet to determine whether this "special" is good or bad)
Just in the past few days these are the things that have caused tears to roll down my cheeks:
-watching a movie where a father dying of cancer was reunited with his estranged son. Something about seeing the redeeming qualities of the father and son brought out due to a family crisis just stirred raw emotion in me. And of course the fact that the father dies...come on. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!
-reading my journal that my friends made for me just about a year ago when I was about to leave on my 3 month journey in the DR. Seeing how the Lord has woven my life with many people who love Him and serve Him. Encouraged by their thoughts of me and what they have seen the Lord do in and through me. again....WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!
-during a reflective time I had with the Lord over the weekend. Just being reminded of how much He loves me. How much He desires me. Knowing how He pursues me. Experiencing his love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience....ok, admit it....YOU are now crying, cuz WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
-Reading a blog of a dear friend who also lost her mother. Reading her thoughts about that loss in her life...knowing that for me losing my mother affects me to the core daily. It's a loss that I can't seem to understand. it's a loss that I'm constantly reminded of. I attempt to do life knowing that I don't have a mom to call anymore. it's wanting to know how in the world she made apple crisp cuz eventhough i follow her recipe it never tastes like how she made it. Knowing that I'm not going home on Easter Sunday because I don't even know if anyone in my family is getting together for Easter dinner. Telling my friends son about my mom telling my brother that i was going to be green and the incredible hulk when i was born and how he was disappointed that i was a girl, not green, and definitely not the incredible hulk. (sorry george....she should have NEVER told you that) Come on.....that is sad. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! (I'm crying as I type this. seriously.)
-Thinking about the many lives affected by the natural disasters happening, what seems like, daily. Japan....Raleigh....Haiti.....lives lost, homes destroyed, lives forever changed. Trying to see the Lord's purpose in it all....grappling with understanding why these things happen....holding onto to the truth that He does use all things for His glory even when it seems impossible. Do I even need to ask about who is crying????
-my work place is AWESOME! We have soooo much fun. Laughing so hard I cry. Yeppppp, happens about once a week (me brought to tears that is). Come on....we are a funny bunch!
Sometimes I wish that I didn't cry at EVERYTHING so EASILY! (I bet if I was an actor I could cry on demand.) Seriously though, sometimes it stinks. I HATE going to movies fearing that I am gonna look like a hot mess when the lights come on from all the crying. Sometimes I can't even talk because my emotions are so real. so raw. It's also hard to relate to people that don't cry. It's like we don't "get" each other. I think they are ridiculous cuz they aren't crying. They think I'm ridiculous because I cry to much and inevitably the frustration of that makes me cry. (i'm not kidding)
Other times I like that I cry. I like that I truly feel things in my core. I like that I am able to share that with most anybody....eventhough I know it makes men uncomfortable. (this is another reason why I think I am single. men just don't know what to do with a crying woman. I can't really blame them....sometimes I don't know what to do with myself either) I'm glad that I feel things, feel things sooo much that my life is altered by them. I think it makes me real. Which let's be honest, I would rather be real, transparent, and honest then being fake and seemingly ok on the outside but really dying on the inside. Who wants to feel like they are bottled up all the time? not me!
Jesus wept. (secretly my favorite verse because it makes Jesus seem more real to me then any other verse in the Bible) is that weird?
Sometimes I find this bothersome. sometimes i find this to be frustrating. other times i find this to be quite special. (i have yet to determine whether this "special" is good or bad)
Just in the past few days these are the things that have caused tears to roll down my cheeks:
-watching a movie where a father dying of cancer was reunited with his estranged son. Something about seeing the redeeming qualities of the father and son brought out due to a family crisis just stirred raw emotion in me. And of course the fact that the father dies...come on. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!
-reading my journal that my friends made for me just about a year ago when I was about to leave on my 3 month journey in the DR. Seeing how the Lord has woven my life with many people who love Him and serve Him. Encouraged by their thoughts of me and what they have seen the Lord do in and through me. again....WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!
-during a reflective time I had with the Lord over the weekend. Just being reminded of how much He loves me. How much He desires me. Knowing how He pursues me. Experiencing his love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, patience....ok, admit it....YOU are now crying, cuz WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
-Reading a blog of a dear friend who also lost her mother. Reading her thoughts about that loss in her life...knowing that for me losing my mother affects me to the core daily. It's a loss that I can't seem to understand. it's a loss that I'm constantly reminded of. I attempt to do life knowing that I don't have a mom to call anymore. it's wanting to know how in the world she made apple crisp cuz eventhough i follow her recipe it never tastes like how she made it. Knowing that I'm not going home on Easter Sunday because I don't even know if anyone in my family is getting together for Easter dinner. Telling my friends son about my mom telling my brother that i was going to be green and the incredible hulk when i was born and how he was disappointed that i was a girl, not green, and definitely not the incredible hulk. (sorry george....she should have NEVER told you that) Come on.....that is sad. WHO wouldn't cry at THAT?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! (I'm crying as I type this. seriously.)
-Thinking about the many lives affected by the natural disasters happening, what seems like, daily. Japan....Raleigh....Haiti.....lives lost, homes destroyed, lives forever changed. Trying to see the Lord's purpose in it all....grappling with understanding why these things happen....holding onto to the truth that He does use all things for His glory even when it seems impossible. Do I even need to ask about who is crying????
-my work place is AWESOME! We have soooo much fun. Laughing so hard I cry. Yeppppp, happens about once a week (me brought to tears that is). Come on....we are a funny bunch!
Sometimes I wish that I didn't cry at EVERYTHING so EASILY! (I bet if I was an actor I could cry on demand.) Seriously though, sometimes it stinks. I HATE going to movies fearing that I am gonna look like a hot mess when the lights come on from all the crying. Sometimes I can't even talk because my emotions are so real. so raw. It's also hard to relate to people that don't cry. It's like we don't "get" each other. I think they are ridiculous cuz they aren't crying. They think I'm ridiculous because I cry to much and inevitably the frustration of that makes me cry. (i'm not kidding)
Other times I like that I cry. I like that I truly feel things in my core. I like that I am able to share that with most anybody....eventhough I know it makes men uncomfortable. (this is another reason why I think I am single. men just don't know what to do with a crying woman. I can't really blame them....sometimes I don't know what to do with myself either) I'm glad that I feel things, feel things sooo much that my life is altered by them. I think it makes me real. Which let's be honest, I would rather be real, transparent, and honest then being fake and seemingly ok on the outside but really dying on the inside. Who wants to feel like they are bottled up all the time? not me!
Jesus wept. (secretly my favorite verse because it makes Jesus seem more real to me then any other verse in the Bible) is that weird?
3 comments:
ironically enough, plug, i laughed through most of this post. just picturing you leaving a movie theater as one hot mess, and picturing your mom's incredible hulk baby story, just made me laugh out loud. i think it's hilarious that you cry so easily because it's a great part of who you are. and you make a lot of people- including myself-smile. and, apparently, laugh as well:D keep the tears flowing, my friend. it's just a whole love flowing down your beautiful, ivory face.
How could you! Just kidding you have seen me cry. We are women God gave us and extra dose of emotions.
Maybe God made you an emotional hearer. And forgive me for posting this, because I have not quite taken the time to figure out if "emotional hearer" means one who can "literally" hear others emotions or actually can sympathize with others? But, again, in my opinion, crying can be healing, and therefore good for you. I have had some times in my life, even personally, that I wanted to cry but I COULDN'T! That is really hard for me! In fact, it is the most frustrating thing, well one of the most, that I have yet been completely "healed" from. BUT, God is helping me! Okay, this is your blog, :), I will sit down and read on. I like this, and hope we can become close my FAMILY, my BLOOD, and my SISTER IN CHRIST. God Bless!
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