Well folks, Turkey Day is over.....soon it will be Christmas, then New Years, and before we know it it will be spring again!!! How does time go by so fast?? It seems like each passing year gets shorter and shorter. Does that mean I am getting old??? I feel like only old people say things like that! yikes! well, I am what I am!
Thanksgiving is a tough holiday for me and my family. BOOOO for Turkey Day! ha! OK, well in all seriousness it isn't a fun holiday. The thought of Turkey Day is always followed with thoughts of my mother. I have replayed her last day on this earth in my head over and over again. Somedays I want to cling to those memories and other days I wish I could forget them! Turkey Day just isn't turkey, mashed taters, stuffing, and cranberries (from the can of course!)....it's the constant memory of my mom and the ache that is inside of me wishing she was still with us!
This Turkey day I stayed in Morgantown and yes folks, my turkey day dinner was a baked potatoe with all the fixin'zzz!!! Meaning, brocolli, cauliflower, cheddar cheese (fat free of course), and fat free sour cream! One word: YUMMMMMOO!! I had decided I wasn't going home a few weeks ago, then I changed my mind at the last minute and decided I was gonna drive home, then I got sick....too sick to make the trip, plus I didn't wanna get my family sick. So I stayed in Morgantown. I had high hopes for my day...wanted to sleep in, watch the Office on DVD, and organize my room. Well, the day was a success! Sweet! BUT also the Lord just met me on Turkey Day as well. The constant streams of truth that were spoken to the depths of my heart provided love and comfort that just filled me to the brim! How great is the Lord that He cares for us when we are weary! How great is He that He loves us enough to give us what we need to get through tough days!! I have decided that this Turkey Day, I would share with you all that I am thankful for, in no particular order!!
my sweet, sweet Jesus!!
nature
The Teodoro family
my family (step-dad, dad, bro's, sistah's, nieces and nephews)
Comfort and peace that only comes from the Lord
memories of my mom
BASKETBALL!
WVU football, oh ok and basketball too
Kleenex's
pictures
good friends (Jill, Ginny, Aja, Liz, Carla, Brooke, Dooke, Katie, Ashley, Liz, Stace, Jay & Amanda, Klinkie, Matt, Amanda H., Anthony, Kristen, Chrissi, Roy, Crystal, Steve & Dawn, Gretchen, Amy, Shannon, Melissa, Sandy, and my home group gals!!)
laughter
purity
the WORD
funny people
great music
people who love the Lord and love others
Ephesians 3:14-21
good books
cell phones that work
computers that work
cars that work
Chestnut Mountain Ranch
Blogs
the fall
the ability to smell
The Biggest Loser
Project Runway
THE OFFICE!!!!!
Cheese filled Ravioli (yumm)
God's grace
the gift of meeting with women and ministering to their hearts and encouraging them in their walks with the Lord
Africa
God's provision
funny memories of my mom
myspace: come on, it's great!
snowflakes
warm vanilla chai
light caramel frappacinos
panera!
learning
guitar hero (played for the 1st time last week...spittin' image of Pat Benetar!!)
examples of godly marriages!
being around people who are smarter than me (wait....that's pretty much everyone!)
prayer
ghetto cruiser
adobe indesign (makes me look more talented than i am!)
being under warm blankets when the air around ya is cold!
flip flops
trying new things
good concerts
God's strength to do what He has called me to do
Obedience
Taking steps of faith
sweet surprises from Jesus during the day
the guitar
makeup....oh my, am I a sight without it! SCARY!!!! (even if i wear it really light, still does a world of difference to my ugly mug!)
my shower radio
my rice cooker (seriously, best purchase I have ever made!)
Netflix
People magazine (my one guilty pleasure!)
getting mail, except for bills
the ability to serve others
the joy in living each day the Lord chooses to bless me with
The things in my life that draw me closer to the Lord (I tend to think of these things as negatives, but look at what they cause me to do!)
Jacob and Sam Teodoro!!! (I wish I could steal them!)
good movies
the ability to see the beauty in God's creation
funny quotes
plane rides
meeting new people
church
fellowship
the ability and freedom to worship
healing
ginger peach candles
chocolate
vanillalight twinkies!
weight watchers
encouraging people
ipod...no more carrying around 1,000 cd's when i travel!!
people that make me laugh and smile
God's will and plan for my life
my singleness (by faith, I typed that! ha!!)
the here and the now.....never know when we will leave this earth
God's constant love and pursuit of me. (i am sooo unworthy!)
music, music, music, music...did i mention music??
Well, I hope that this Turkey day and every day we can all take a second and think about all the wonderful things that we have in our lives that we can be thankful for....even in the midst of a not so great time! (i am preaching to myself!!!)
BTW....please comment and tell me all that you are thankful for!!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Chic-a-go here i come!
THE TEODORO FAMILY
Luv, luv these pics of them!!!!!! They might be my favorite family of ALL time, yepp of ALL TIME....
I will have the pleasure of seeing them very soon.
Enjoy the pics (taken by Amanda Teodoro this fall - I had to steal them and put them on my blog so ya'll would know just how cute and great they are!) and read on about my fun fun trip planned!
Jacob ~ 20 bucks says atleast 1 part of his body got in the water!!!
Spamuel....look at his hair...cracks me up!!!
awwww....sam's face cracks me up!!
Here's the good lookin' parents ~ Jay & Amanda
Waawhoo! I'm going to Chic-a-go for the very first time, but that's not the most exciting thing!! I'm going there to visit my dear dear friends, Jay and Amanda and their lovely kiddos "Spamuel"- his fo' real name is Samuel and Jacob! I absolutley love them as if they were my very own family. They moved away from Morgantown this past summer and it seems like ages since I last saw them. I am super pumped cuz the Lord provided some $$ for me to be able to go, so I'M GOING!!!! I leave on Thursday morning and fly back on Sunday night! Yippee!!!
Ummm, so personally I am in a funk, so I am sooo glad to be getting away from my life for a hott minute! I'm not real sure what is going on in my heart, BUT I just feel sad all the time. Bummer!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna say more other than, if ya think about it, pray for me.
I'll be sure to take some photos from my trip...
Monday, November 5, 2007
New to "The Blogspot"
hmmm, for those of you that know me....you must be SHOCKED. I am new to this thing called "blogspot" I am familiar with blogging however. yepp, i'm super cool (ok, if one needs to say out loud that they are super cool, i think that negates their coolness) ANYWAY....I posted some of my ridiculous ramblings from my myspace page so that my "blogspot" wasn't sad looking with nothing on it. So enjoy, laugh at my expense, and maybe just maybe even comment if ya feel like it
Waste of space - take 2
Do you ever get to the point where you think your head is going to explode?? Well I am totally there....I really believe the Lord has been teaching me A LOT of things recently, bringing A LOT of truth into my itty bitty heart, He has been revealing A LOT of areas of weakness/sin that I posess, and He is just kicking my butt with revealing more of who He IS to me. AHHHHHHHHHHH......I feel like I don't even know where to begin in processing all that is going on in my life and heart. I'm excited but incredibly frustrated at the same time. I believe there is sooooo much that He desires to rid me of and replace with His truth. Where then do I begin??? Help!!!
As I look at the "problem" that I am having with figuring out where to go from here, I am sooooo incredibly thankful that the Lord loves me enough to desire to make me new, to make me complete in Him, to allow His glory to be revealed in me, I mean, come on....Amanda from SandyLake, PA doesn't deserve any of the amazing things that the Lord has blessed me with. My life hasn't been easy any way ya slice it, BUT He has provided for every need, every ache of my heart, every loss, and every hurt. As I have been reflecting on Him and His prescence in my life I feel compelled to share some of the things that He is revealing to me, teaching me, and hitting me over the head with for the 1,000th time. (isn't funny how we can seem to be learning the same truth like all of our life and never seem to "get it") yepp, that's me! :)
I am doing a Bible Study with another gal and we are doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible Study....oh my!! Good stuff. I did this study a few years ago, right after my mom passed away, and to be honest I don't really remember most of it cuz i was just in a hurting place. It's been neat to go back and start doing it again. This past week I was reminded of the fact that I don't get up everyday and live like I know who I am, whose I am, and what affect that has on my life. It's like I know scripture, I know God's truths about me, I can see Him working in my life, BUT I don't live in the freedom that is given to me as a daughter of the King! The following are a few truths that I just can't say I live like I know them to be true.
Benefits of my covenant relationship with God:
1. To know God and believe Him
2. To glorify God
3. To find satisfaction in God
4. To experience God's peace
5. To enjoy God's prescence
These 5 benefits seem like such easy concepts to understand. BUT when it comes down to it, I really don't wake up knowing these things, claiming them to be truth in my life, having my life reflect that they are true in me, etc. That breaks my heart knowing that I am not living the abundant life He desires for me and has graciously given to me!! How do we move from this state of knowing in our heads to knowing and believing with everything that we are and seeing our life, actions, words, etc. show that we are claiming these truths in our lives?????
What a wonderful gift we have as humans to know God, to accept His Son as our Savior, to lay down our lives before Him and allow Him to be on the throne of our lives, and to live in the amazing truths of being His children. He created us all to be in a relationship with Him and to know and believe Him, to glorify Him, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His peace, and to enjoy His presence.....oh how I long to live like I know that to be true for me!!!!!!!! As I have been typing and reflecting I think my response to Him is just to meet with Him. As I pursue His heart, these things will be reflected in my life. As I pray, as I pour out my heart to Him, love Him, serve Him, He will make me new, He will allow me to become a woman who knows and believes Him, a woman who glorifies Him, who finds COMPLETE satisfaction in Him, a woman who experiences His peace, and a woman who enjoys His very presence! (See, these blogs are really for me to get "stuff" out of my brain so that I can understand it better) ~ BUT I do desire that the handful of people that read these ramblings will look at those 5 benefits and start praying about how those things can be true in your life, regardless of where you are at with the Lord. He created you, you are still on this earth for a reason, and He is not done with you yet! (think about that!!)
Waste of space-take 2........ummmm so apparently having all of the world-wide web knowing my issues with exercise and eating healthy is not enough accountability for me.....how can THAT be true???? Since that ridiculous blog I have not really changed any of my behaviors....again, how can THAT be true??? Why in the world do I not do what I know to do and do the very things that I know not to do. Again, Paul and I, coulda been bff's cuz I am JUST like him! I need help!!!!! Does anyone know of a personal trainer, that's free, that will stop just short of killing me to get me to eat healthier and kick my butt in the form of exercise???? And why does it have to take my life being threatened to get me doing the right thing???? waste of space, i tell ya, waste of precious space!!
OK.....if anyone has something funny to say, words of wisdom perhaps please do share in the form of a blog comment....blog comments bring joy to my very existence!! much like the show "the office".....ha! {jumped full-force on the bandwagon, ahhh like 3 yrs too late, but man am I super glad I joined....funnny stuff folks, funnnnnnnnnnny stuff!!! dwight....come on! the writers of that show MIGHT be the most talented people on the planet....where in the world do they come up with that stuff?!?!?} whew....what happened in my brain that got me on that tangent....sorry!
As I look at the "problem" that I am having with figuring out where to go from here, I am sooooo incredibly thankful that the Lord loves me enough to desire to make me new, to make me complete in Him, to allow His glory to be revealed in me, I mean, come on....Amanda from SandyLake, PA doesn't deserve any of the amazing things that the Lord has blessed me with. My life hasn't been easy any way ya slice it, BUT He has provided for every need, every ache of my heart, every loss, and every hurt. As I have been reflecting on Him and His prescence in my life I feel compelled to share some of the things that He is revealing to me, teaching me, and hitting me over the head with for the 1,000th time. (isn't funny how we can seem to be learning the same truth like all of our life and never seem to "get it") yepp, that's me! :)
I am doing a Bible Study with another gal and we are doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free Bible Study....oh my!! Good stuff. I did this study a few years ago, right after my mom passed away, and to be honest I don't really remember most of it cuz i was just in a hurting place. It's been neat to go back and start doing it again. This past week I was reminded of the fact that I don't get up everyday and live like I know who I am, whose I am, and what affect that has on my life. It's like I know scripture, I know God's truths about me, I can see Him working in my life, BUT I don't live in the freedom that is given to me as a daughter of the King! The following are a few truths that I just can't say I live like I know them to be true.
Benefits of my covenant relationship with God:
1. To know God and believe Him
2. To glorify God
3. To find satisfaction in God
4. To experience God's peace
5. To enjoy God's prescence
These 5 benefits seem like such easy concepts to understand. BUT when it comes down to it, I really don't wake up knowing these things, claiming them to be truth in my life, having my life reflect that they are true in me, etc. That breaks my heart knowing that I am not living the abundant life He desires for me and has graciously given to me!! How do we move from this state of knowing in our heads to knowing and believing with everything that we are and seeing our life, actions, words, etc. show that we are claiming these truths in our lives?????
What a wonderful gift we have as humans to know God, to accept His Son as our Savior, to lay down our lives before Him and allow Him to be on the throne of our lives, and to live in the amazing truths of being His children. He created us all to be in a relationship with Him and to know and believe Him, to glorify Him, to find satisfaction in Him, to experience His peace, and to enjoy His presence.....oh how I long to live like I know that to be true for me!!!!!!!! As I have been typing and reflecting I think my response to Him is just to meet with Him. As I pursue His heart, these things will be reflected in my life. As I pray, as I pour out my heart to Him, love Him, serve Him, He will make me new, He will allow me to become a woman who knows and believes Him, a woman who glorifies Him, who finds COMPLETE satisfaction in Him, a woman who experiences His peace, and a woman who enjoys His very presence! (See, these blogs are really for me to get "stuff" out of my brain so that I can understand it better) ~ BUT I do desire that the handful of people that read these ramblings will look at those 5 benefits and start praying about how those things can be true in your life, regardless of where you are at with the Lord. He created you, you are still on this earth for a reason, and He is not done with you yet! (think about that!!)
Waste of space-take 2........ummmm so apparently having all of the world-wide web knowing my issues with exercise and eating healthy is not enough accountability for me.....how can THAT be true???? Since that ridiculous blog I have not really changed any of my behaviors....again, how can THAT be true??? Why in the world do I not do what I know to do and do the very things that I know not to do. Again, Paul and I, coulda been bff's cuz I am JUST like him! I need help!!!!! Does anyone know of a personal trainer, that's free, that will stop just short of killing me to get me to eat healthier and kick my butt in the form of exercise???? And why does it have to take my life being threatened to get me doing the right thing???? waste of space, i tell ya, waste of precious space!!
OK.....if anyone has something funny to say, words of wisdom perhaps please do share in the form of a blog comment....blog comments bring joy to my very existence!! much like the show "the office".....ha! {jumped full-force on the bandwagon, ahhh like 3 yrs too late, but man am I super glad I joined....funnny stuff folks, funnnnnnnnnnny stuff!!! dwight....come on! the writers of that show MIGHT be the most talented people on the planet....where in the world do they come up with that stuff?!?!?} whew....what happened in my brain that got me on that tangent....sorry!
I am a BWAP woman
Blogggg time.....yeah, it's about that time....i know, i know, you can hardly contain your excitement!
Life has been interesting as of late. I feel like everyday I am learning about something new, seeing something sweet about the Lord, just kinda soaking all that He is, in. Nothing major, but just good, good stuff! Went to a women's retreat last weekend at church.....the speaker was by far the BEST female speaker I have ever heard. What makes her the best you ask. Well EVERYTHING she said, and I mean EVERYTHING was completely supported by scripture. PLUS, she was so knowledgeable about the Word, it was just incredible! The topic of the weekend was "Belonging" and who doesn't need to know or want to know that they Belong! I think, women expecially, struggle with believing this...myself very much included!!!!
She said several great things, that I think were very applicable to our everday life. Here are some of the things that stick out to me that the Lord spoke to me through:
*Belonging means we know whose we are, who we are, and who we are to others.
*she said that the Bible is like our playbook. God is our coach.
*we need to put ourselves UNDER the Word of God
*My primary identity is that I am a daughter of the King of Kings!
*Comparison will compromise the beauty and certainty of your belongingness EVERY TIME!
*Truly victorious believers take what evil tried to destroy them through and instead have it turn around and become empowering instead!!!
*We have to choose to focus on what IS instead of what IS NOT!
*We have to recognize our own "Keys"...there is only one Amanda Hildebran and I am the only one that can carry out the plan that God has for ME, Amanda Hildebran.
You may have read these things and thought to yourself that they are pretty basic truths, I would agree and will also add that I have heard all of this before. BUT do I live daily like I know all these things to be true, nope. I tend to live defeated, believing in lies the enemy tosses my way, and I really, really struggle with trusting and believing that I really BELONG! Why is it that we do that? I would be willing to bet that very few of us live in the freedom and truth that we have! We all are sons and daughters of the King of Kings and don't live like we know that!
One of the coolest things that I took from the retreat was thinking about the Word like a playbook and thinking about God as our Coach. (was a refreshing way of looking at/thinking about what God desires us to do daily) I have played basketball since I was weeeeee lil'. I just absolutely love the sport, understand the sport, and can watch/play 24/7. It's just one of those sports that I love. I love the strategy, I love the skills necessary to play, I love the heart that you have to have when u step out on the court, I love the feel of the ball and then thrill of shooting, guarding, etc. It's just the coolest sport EVER! In order to have success on a team, you have to know the plays. You also have to know the coach and listen to the coach! So to think of the Bible as my playbook....wow! what a concept. If you are playing and don't know the plays you are gonna be lost, you're not gonna know what decisions to make, or when, and you are gonna look like a chicken with it's head cut off. This will allow the enemy (opponent) to win, this will affect your communication/connection with the coach, and it will affect your teammates! UMMMM, hi hello, if we are not reading the Word, the enemy wins, we are disconnected from God, and it will have an affect on those around us!! I mean, come on, what a cool concept!
AGAIN, not brain surgery, but what a concept!!!! When I played basketball, I constantly wanted to know the plays, wanted to know the answers, wanted to be in communication with my coach, and wanted to beat the opponent. I am now looking at each day like that....I wanna be in the Word, so that I know what I need to do and how to make decisions, so that I can know my coach, to know about His heart for me! AWESOME!!!! It has brought a new level of excitement to me as I seek after the Lord! As I continue to seek Him, and as He continues to seek me and pursue me, I know that my sense of Belonging will come, that I will be able to trust fully in the truths that His Word tells me, that I won't focus on how I feel, but will by faith believe His truths!!!! I hope that all of us would fully believe that we BELONG!!!!!!!
Can anyone tell me what a BWAP woman is???? It definitely goes along with the theme of Belonging....Here are a few clues:
1.Hebrews 6:19
2. 1 Peter 2:9
3. Ephesians 1:4
Hildebran out!!!!
Life has been interesting as of late. I feel like everyday I am learning about something new, seeing something sweet about the Lord, just kinda soaking all that He is, in. Nothing major, but just good, good stuff! Went to a women's retreat last weekend at church.....the speaker was by far the BEST female speaker I have ever heard. What makes her the best you ask. Well EVERYTHING she said, and I mean EVERYTHING was completely supported by scripture. PLUS, she was so knowledgeable about the Word, it was just incredible! The topic of the weekend was "Belonging" and who doesn't need to know or want to know that they Belong! I think, women expecially, struggle with believing this...myself very much included!!!!
She said several great things, that I think were very applicable to our everday life. Here are some of the things that stick out to me that the Lord spoke to me through:
*Belonging means we know whose we are, who we are, and who we are to others.
*she said that the Bible is like our playbook. God is our coach.
*we need to put ourselves UNDER the Word of God
*My primary identity is that I am a daughter of the King of Kings!
*Comparison will compromise the beauty and certainty of your belongingness EVERY TIME!
*Truly victorious believers take what evil tried to destroy them through and instead have it turn around and become empowering instead!!!
*We have to choose to focus on what IS instead of what IS NOT!
*We have to recognize our own "Keys"...there is only one Amanda Hildebran and I am the only one that can carry out the plan that God has for ME, Amanda Hildebran.
You may have read these things and thought to yourself that they are pretty basic truths, I would agree and will also add that I have heard all of this before. BUT do I live daily like I know all these things to be true, nope. I tend to live defeated, believing in lies the enemy tosses my way, and I really, really struggle with trusting and believing that I really BELONG! Why is it that we do that? I would be willing to bet that very few of us live in the freedom and truth that we have! We all are sons and daughters of the King of Kings and don't live like we know that!
One of the coolest things that I took from the retreat was thinking about the Word like a playbook and thinking about God as our Coach. (was a refreshing way of looking at/thinking about what God desires us to do daily) I have played basketball since I was weeeeee lil'. I just absolutely love the sport, understand the sport, and can watch/play 24/7. It's just one of those sports that I love. I love the strategy, I love the skills necessary to play, I love the heart that you have to have when u step out on the court, I love the feel of the ball and then thrill of shooting, guarding, etc. It's just the coolest sport EVER! In order to have success on a team, you have to know the plays. You also have to know the coach and listen to the coach! So to think of the Bible as my playbook....wow! what a concept. If you are playing and don't know the plays you are gonna be lost, you're not gonna know what decisions to make, or when, and you are gonna look like a chicken with it's head cut off. This will allow the enemy (opponent) to win, this will affect your communication/connection with the coach, and it will affect your teammates! UMMMM, hi hello, if we are not reading the Word, the enemy wins, we are disconnected from God, and it will have an affect on those around us!! I mean, come on, what a cool concept!
AGAIN, not brain surgery, but what a concept!!!! When I played basketball, I constantly wanted to know the plays, wanted to know the answers, wanted to be in communication with my coach, and wanted to beat the opponent. I am now looking at each day like that....I wanna be in the Word, so that I know what I need to do and how to make decisions, so that I can know my coach, to know about His heart for me! AWESOME!!!! It has brought a new level of excitement to me as I seek after the Lord! As I continue to seek Him, and as He continues to seek me and pursue me, I know that my sense of Belonging will come, that I will be able to trust fully in the truths that His Word tells me, that I won't focus on how I feel, but will by faith believe His truths!!!! I hope that all of us would fully believe that we BELONG!!!!!!!
Can anyone tell me what a BWAP woman is???? It definitely goes along with the theme of Belonging....Here are a few clues:
1.Hebrews 6:19
2. 1 Peter 2:9
3. Ephesians 1:4
Hildebran out!!!!
Waste of Space
OH MY SOUL!!!!! soooooooo, i really, really, really need to apologize first and foremost for the words that are eventually gonna be typed. I am sure that the length of this could be ridiculously long and the content may not be suitable for adults. If I knew how to add a pic in a blog, I soooo would put a HUGE warning label riiiiiiiiiight about here * *
So first I need to do some rebuking to all of u myspace friends out there in cyberspace...not ONE of u has asked me about my weight loss goals and therefore I hold u solely responsible for my lack of discipline in eating and exercising! Shame on you!! No comments asking how I'm doing! No accountability, no nothing! How could u let me down!! OK....wellllllllll I guess there is a small part of me that is responsible, but just a tiny tiny part!! OK who am I kidding.....I'm a waste of space on this earth! I have not done anything to get healthy, I've done nothing to get this area of my life under control. UGHH!! Ok well no nothing exactly! I did purchase a pair of running shoes a month ago cuz they were pretty spiffy and were only $25 on clearance! Unheard of, I know!! Sooooo, I thought to myself, that I had better "break them in" before heading out to the track to avoid getting blisters so I decided that I would wear them around the house for a few days. Yeah, well I have been well on my way to no blister action for about a month and have yet to make it to the track with those puppies on my feet! again, ugh!! So basically I bought a great pair of running shoes to wear and look cute in, in my house. What kinda sense does that make?? I EVEN bought new running socks, again, to avoid blisters. Why have I worn them in the house toooooo???? Seriously, I'm a giant waste of space on this planet!!!
I have also come to the conclusion that I have a ridiculous reason for being afraid of losing weight! yes, that's right I am afraid to lose weight! I think there is something seriously disturbing about that! I have these irrational fears about losing weight and it's like they are restraining me from even trying. Do I have a desire to lose weight? yes! Do I have a desire to get healthy? absolutely! Do I have a heart that wants to honor the Lord with what I do to my body, his temple? I mean, of course I do!!! Soooo what is the stinkin' problem then????? I'm just super afraid of not being able to trust that people really like me for who I am and not what I look like! See if I am fat and people like me, well it's cuz they see my heart under all the junk. BUT if I am skinny and people like me, well it could just be because they think I'm hott. WHICH I WILL BE WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT!!!! **ok, so i have NO confidence, I just hope that I could be hott** (I'm really not serious, for those of u who don't know me)
Isn't that thought process beyond ridiculous?!?!?! BUT the reality is I wake up everyday and think to myself that it is somewhat easier to hide behind my weight so that I don't have to wonder if people really accept me for me. It's a weird sense of security. Again, I will be the first and last to tell you how ridiculous my thought process is!!! It's where I am at, what else can I say?? Does anyone else know where I am coming from??? What's funny is, I also wake up everyday unhappy about what I look like and what I am continually doing to my body by not taking care of it! You know how there are some people out there that embrace their genetics and are content and happy to be who they are and look how they look. I am NOT THAT girl. In my mind and how I feel inside I know that my outsides and my insides don't match! I am a skinny girl inside and hate that everyone else sees the fat girl on the outside.
Can anyone else out there relate to my ridiculous thought process?? I'm sure that most of the people who are reading these very vulnerable words are clueless as to how I feel and they think I have officially lost it! I also just need to mention that it took a lot for me to even type this cuz it's an area of my life that i tend to hide behind and pretend doesn't exist. BUT the longer I hide the more weight I gain and the less and less I'm motivated to change. Soooo in a sense, me being vulnerable I think is the 1st step to changing. Does that make sense?? PLUS, u can alllllll see me so u are very much aware of this issue in my life. You can't help but notice! Funny, the more I try to hide the bigger i get?!?!? seriously, what sense does that make???????
Baby steps....I am taking steps of action to get help in this area of my life! And I have to admit that watching the biggest loser is one of those steps!! ha ha! ok seriously....stop laughing!! STOP!! Do u know how motivating it is to see people lose weight??? I mean, my goal is not to lose 20 pounds in a week cuz i don't think it's healthy, but it is sooo encouraging to see others struggle and fight the battle and succeed. AND i am having accountablitly with my gal pay gin...and this is something really cool that i have decided to do. I have a friend that is struggling with getting back into going to church and her walk with the Lord. BUT she is like an exercise nazi!! sooooo i made her a deal, I exercise regularly with her, she comes to church with me!!! how grrrrrreat is that!!!! AND she is totally stoked about it! I love, love, love how the Lord is using this junky area in my life in more ways that I even realize.
OK enough about THAT....I had an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G weekend. Two of my wonderful friends from college married each other! Yeah, charles and aja!!! Let's just say that this has been in the works since january 1998! I witnessed 2 people who sought after the Lord individually, faithfully pursuing Him, be joined together in marriage! One word.....INCREDIBLE!! Their story reminds me just how faithful the Lord is to us! Even when we mess up He is faithful! AND GOOOOOOODNESSS, do I mess up ALOT!!! The theme of my life the past 3 weeks has been "why do i do want i don't wanna do??" Paul and I would be like best buds, cuz i am soooo much like him!! I desire to be a woman of character, patience, contentment, holiness, godliness, etc. Why then do I do things that don't reflect those desires???? I just hope and pray that the Lord will be gracious to me!!! I see this in a lot of areas in my life and I hate it!!! again, UGHHHHHH!!!!! I'm a work in progress....
The Lord is teaching me A LOT right now....I think I am in a season of just soaking it alllllll in. I feel like I am a huge spoonge! Praises!!!! I wanna know the Lord more, I wanna experience Him more, I wanna grow like a weed because of what He is showing me and teaching me and how He desires to change and transform me!!!! It is hard but wonderful all at the same time!!! I wanna love Him more!!
That's it....I have wasted toooo much of your time already! By the way, I am reading this CS Lewis book...anyone else ever read it?? If so, what did u think? So far I like it, but I just started reading it!
So first I need to do some rebuking to all of u myspace friends out there in cyberspace...not ONE of u has asked me about my weight loss goals and therefore I hold u solely responsible for my lack of discipline in eating and exercising! Shame on you!! No comments asking how I'm doing! No accountability, no nothing! How could u let me down!! OK....wellllllllll I guess there is a small part of me that is responsible, but just a tiny tiny part!! OK who am I kidding.....I'm a waste of space on this earth! I have not done anything to get healthy, I've done nothing to get this area of my life under control. UGHH!! Ok well no nothing exactly! I did purchase a pair of running shoes a month ago cuz they were pretty spiffy and were only $25 on clearance! Unheard of, I know!! Sooooo, I thought to myself, that I had better "break them in" before heading out to the track to avoid getting blisters so I decided that I would wear them around the house for a few days. Yeah, well I have been well on my way to no blister action for about a month and have yet to make it to the track with those puppies on my feet! again, ugh!! So basically I bought a great pair of running shoes to wear and look cute in, in my house. What kinda sense does that make?? I EVEN bought new running socks, again, to avoid blisters. Why have I worn them in the house toooooo???? Seriously, I'm a giant waste of space on this planet!!!
I have also come to the conclusion that I have a ridiculous reason for being afraid of losing weight! yes, that's right I am afraid to lose weight! I think there is something seriously disturbing about that! I have these irrational fears about losing weight and it's like they are restraining me from even trying. Do I have a desire to lose weight? yes! Do I have a desire to get healthy? absolutely! Do I have a heart that wants to honor the Lord with what I do to my body, his temple? I mean, of course I do!!! Soooo what is the stinkin' problem then????? I'm just super afraid of not being able to trust that people really like me for who I am and not what I look like! See if I am fat and people like me, well it's cuz they see my heart under all the junk. BUT if I am skinny and people like me, well it could just be because they think I'm hott. WHICH I WILL BE WHEN I LOSE WEIGHT!!!! **ok, so i have NO confidence, I just hope that I could be hott** (I'm really not serious, for those of u who don't know me)
Isn't that thought process beyond ridiculous?!?!?! BUT the reality is I wake up everyday and think to myself that it is somewhat easier to hide behind my weight so that I don't have to wonder if people really accept me for me. It's a weird sense of security. Again, I will be the first and last to tell you how ridiculous my thought process is!!! It's where I am at, what else can I say?? Does anyone else know where I am coming from??? What's funny is, I also wake up everyday unhappy about what I look like and what I am continually doing to my body by not taking care of it! You know how there are some people out there that embrace their genetics and are content and happy to be who they are and look how they look. I am NOT THAT girl. In my mind and how I feel inside I know that my outsides and my insides don't match! I am a skinny girl inside and hate that everyone else sees the fat girl on the outside.
Can anyone else out there relate to my ridiculous thought process?? I'm sure that most of the people who are reading these very vulnerable words are clueless as to how I feel and they think I have officially lost it! I also just need to mention that it took a lot for me to even type this cuz it's an area of my life that i tend to hide behind and pretend doesn't exist. BUT the longer I hide the more weight I gain and the less and less I'm motivated to change. Soooo in a sense, me being vulnerable I think is the 1st step to changing. Does that make sense?? PLUS, u can alllllll see me so u are very much aware of this issue in my life. You can't help but notice! Funny, the more I try to hide the bigger i get?!?!? seriously, what sense does that make???????
Baby steps....I am taking steps of action to get help in this area of my life! And I have to admit that watching the biggest loser is one of those steps!! ha ha! ok seriously....stop laughing!! STOP!! Do u know how motivating it is to see people lose weight??? I mean, my goal is not to lose 20 pounds in a week cuz i don't think it's healthy, but it is sooo encouraging to see others struggle and fight the battle and succeed. AND i am having accountablitly with my gal pay gin...and this is something really cool that i have decided to do. I have a friend that is struggling with getting back into going to church and her walk with the Lord. BUT she is like an exercise nazi!! sooooo i made her a deal, I exercise regularly with her, she comes to church with me!!! how grrrrrreat is that!!!! AND she is totally stoked about it! I love, love, love how the Lord is using this junky area in my life in more ways that I even realize.
OK enough about THAT....I had an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G weekend. Two of my wonderful friends from college married each other! Yeah, charles and aja!!! Let's just say that this has been in the works since january 1998! I witnessed 2 people who sought after the Lord individually, faithfully pursuing Him, be joined together in marriage! One word.....INCREDIBLE!! Their story reminds me just how faithful the Lord is to us! Even when we mess up He is faithful! AND GOOOOOOODNESSS, do I mess up ALOT!!! The theme of my life the past 3 weeks has been "why do i do want i don't wanna do??" Paul and I would be like best buds, cuz i am soooo much like him!! I desire to be a woman of character, patience, contentment, holiness, godliness, etc. Why then do I do things that don't reflect those desires???? I just hope and pray that the Lord will be gracious to me!!! I see this in a lot of areas in my life and I hate it!!! again, UGHHHHHH!!!!! I'm a work in progress....
The Lord is teaching me A LOT right now....I think I am in a season of just soaking it alllllll in. I feel like I am a huge spoonge! Praises!!!! I wanna know the Lord more, I wanna experience Him more, I wanna grow like a weed because of what He is showing me and teaching me and how He desires to change and transform me!!!! It is hard but wonderful all at the same time!!! I wanna love Him more!!
That's it....I have wasted toooo much of your time already! By the way, I am reading this CS Lewis book...anyone else ever read it?? If so, what did u think? So far I like it, but I just started reading it!
Africa....oh my!
Well, one of my gal friends requested another blog....w-o-w, that made me feel loved and appreciated! Although I think secretly she just wants another reason to laugh, which I am guessing my stupid ramblings always make her do. Sooooo, u know who u r....r u sure u r prepared for this one. Well too late cuz here it comes!!! NOW will u get a myspace page???? Just remember, I did sacrifice and got facebook for YOU, even though I loathe it!!!
A lot has happened in the past month...where shall i start??? Work - ok, so the month of August proved to be a huge blessing for "the Ranch". We had several events that caused a lot of exposure for the ministry. And when u have exposure, that means more $$ is just around the corner. Some BIG things are in store for this ministry and I am very blessed to be along for the ride!! It's only a matter of time before we will be making an impact on the kids lives!!
Africa - oh my! Soo I just had my training weekend for my trip. Let's just say that I am even more pumped about my trip after my training in s-u-n-n-y Orlando! BUT I realized some pretty icky stuff about me and my heart! Thanks so much for all of you that prayed for me during that weekend, cuz the Lord is definitely doing more in me than I even realized. Who knew!?!?! When I had decided to go to Africa my thought was that I was gonna go, feed a lot of little ones, and that was why I was going. To just love on them and take care of their physical needs. OK, so not only was I completely wrong in my thinking, but I was sooo naive to think that is what is gonna change the continent of Africa. My heart and my thinking have obviously changed.
The Rafiki Foundation is who I will be going with to Africa. Their mission statement is "turning lost orphans into godly contributors" and the way they fulfill that mission is through rescuing orphans in 10 of the poorest countries in Africa. These countries have had the most devastation by AIDS. These countries are also the ones that have the most orphans. 24 million and counting! I mean, think about that 24 million children who don't have a mother, father, any relatives and no hope for a future, no hope for love, no hope for their basic needs being met and no hope for a Savior. Ahhhh, it just breaks my heart into a million pieces just thinking about it. The Rafiki Foundation longs to reach these orphans by providing for their physical, emotional, spiritual, educational needs as well as teach them skills that will help them become contributors in their country.
The director of the foundation, Rosemary Jensen, who is just a phenominal woman of faith shared this story with us: She asked some of the church leaders as well as some gov't officials in Africa which of the 3 would they prefer.
1. provide food for 5,000 orphans.
2. provide food and shelter for 3,000 orphans.
3. provide an education, skills, food, shelter, and the Bible to 1,000 orphans
All of the countries leaders said the 3rd option because that will change the children's lives so that they will be the future leaders in Africa which will make a huge impact on the entire continent of Africa. Such a different way of viewing how we can help a hurting continent. It's not about giving them rice and beans, hugging them, and then leaving. YES it is important to provide for their physical needs and to show them love, but it is not going to make a lasting effect on these people enough!!!!!!! Goodness, I have been so incredibly challenged in my shallow thinking.
While I am in Africa I will be teaching in the Rafiki Village school, I will also be teaching sports, as well as helping the housemother in the home during meals and in the evening hours I will be teaching these children the Bible. My heart simply rejoices just thinking about what the Lord will have me do to bring hope to these hopeless children!! Jesus is the only One who will bring change, hope, and life into these children's lives and I am so thankful that I get to witness it. I've begun to realize that this trip isn't about ME. -go figure- I have also come to realize in a more in depth way that WE, believers, are ALL called to take Jesus to the nations. In Matthew 28 it says "Go and make disciples of all nations" It doesn't say those of you who are comfortable living in another country, or those who have the time to leave your job, or those who have the $$ to go....NO we are ALL called to GO!! I have read that verse and have been hearing that verse for 10 yrs....this past weekend i have seen even more clearly how much that verse applies to me and EVERY believer!! Yeah, EVERY believer!! (I actually just deleted a HUGE portion of this blog to spare you my preaching!)
ANYWAY...I am going to Africa in February for a month. Lots of reasons for the change in the time when I will be going. BUT I really believe the Lord is at work in this and it is His plans not mine that are succeeding. Love that!!! I will keep everyone posted on the dates and the country.... YaY!!! AFRICA!!!!
Moving on...I had an incredible thought run through my mind this morning as I was on my way to work. I don't know if many of you are like me, but I mess up a lot!! I mean A LOT! I tend to put my foot in my mouth more times than not, I get flustered easily when I don't know how to respond to something someone said, I just say things that I don't realize I'm about to say, AND I tend to just shut down when I am uncomfortable....all of these things can have a negative effect on the ones that it is indirectly directed at. (did that just make sense?) cuz they may think that i am responding to them in a negative way. The thing that the Lord impressed upon me today is that in a sense it doesn't matter. Ultimately He is in control and that even if I mess up, which will happen approx 99.9% of the time, His plans succeed! I can't mess with His will. He is sovereign in my stupidity....He is gracious in my nervousness...He is loving even when I mess things up!!!! When I find myself in a situation that I just messed up in, my tendency is to talk about it with the person, so to clarify why i responded the way that I did....which usually makes me look more stupid and messes the other person up even more than before.......I'm not sure if any of this is making sense, but I feel overwhelmed at the thought that the Lord's Will is just that....I can't change it even when I do stupid things! Isn't the Lord grrrrreat!! Just something that I have found myself trusting the Lord in....maybe no one can relate, i dunno!
Hey, so friend from WI are you satisfied now????
A lot has happened in the past month...where shall i start??? Work - ok, so the month of August proved to be a huge blessing for "the Ranch". We had several events that caused a lot of exposure for the ministry. And when u have exposure, that means more $$ is just around the corner. Some BIG things are in store for this ministry and I am very blessed to be along for the ride!! It's only a matter of time before we will be making an impact on the kids lives!!
Africa - oh my! Soo I just had my training weekend for my trip. Let's just say that I am even more pumped about my trip after my training in s-u-n-n-y Orlando! BUT I realized some pretty icky stuff about me and my heart! Thanks so much for all of you that prayed for me during that weekend, cuz the Lord is definitely doing more in me than I even realized. Who knew!?!?! When I had decided to go to Africa my thought was that I was gonna go, feed a lot of little ones, and that was why I was going. To just love on them and take care of their physical needs. OK, so not only was I completely wrong in my thinking, but I was sooo naive to think that is what is gonna change the continent of Africa. My heart and my thinking have obviously changed.
The Rafiki Foundation is who I will be going with to Africa. Their mission statement is "turning lost orphans into godly contributors" and the way they fulfill that mission is through rescuing orphans in 10 of the poorest countries in Africa. These countries have had the most devastation by AIDS. These countries are also the ones that have the most orphans. 24 million and counting! I mean, think about that 24 million children who don't have a mother, father, any relatives and no hope for a future, no hope for love, no hope for their basic needs being met and no hope for a Savior. Ahhhh, it just breaks my heart into a million pieces just thinking about it. The Rafiki Foundation longs to reach these orphans by providing for their physical, emotional, spiritual, educational needs as well as teach them skills that will help them become contributors in their country.
The director of the foundation, Rosemary Jensen, who is just a phenominal woman of faith shared this story with us: She asked some of the church leaders as well as some gov't officials in Africa which of the 3 would they prefer.
1. provide food for 5,000 orphans.
2. provide food and shelter for 3,000 orphans.
3. provide an education, skills, food, shelter, and the Bible to 1,000 orphans
All of the countries leaders said the 3rd option because that will change the children's lives so that they will be the future leaders in Africa which will make a huge impact on the entire continent of Africa. Such a different way of viewing how we can help a hurting continent. It's not about giving them rice and beans, hugging them, and then leaving. YES it is important to provide for their physical needs and to show them love, but it is not going to make a lasting effect on these people enough!!!!!!! Goodness, I have been so incredibly challenged in my shallow thinking.
While I am in Africa I will be teaching in the Rafiki Village school, I will also be teaching sports, as well as helping the housemother in the home during meals and in the evening hours I will be teaching these children the Bible. My heart simply rejoices just thinking about what the Lord will have me do to bring hope to these hopeless children!! Jesus is the only One who will bring change, hope, and life into these children's lives and I am so thankful that I get to witness it. I've begun to realize that this trip isn't about ME. -go figure- I have also come to realize in a more in depth way that WE, believers, are ALL called to take Jesus to the nations. In Matthew 28 it says "Go and make disciples of all nations" It doesn't say those of you who are comfortable living in another country, or those who have the time to leave your job, or those who have the $$ to go....NO we are ALL called to GO!! I have read that verse and have been hearing that verse for 10 yrs....this past weekend i have seen even more clearly how much that verse applies to me and EVERY believer!! Yeah, EVERY believer!! (I actually just deleted a HUGE portion of this blog to spare you my preaching!)
ANYWAY...I am going to Africa in February for a month. Lots of reasons for the change in the time when I will be going. BUT I really believe the Lord is at work in this and it is His plans not mine that are succeeding. Love that!!! I will keep everyone posted on the dates and the country.... YaY!!! AFRICA!!!!
Moving on...I had an incredible thought run through my mind this morning as I was on my way to work. I don't know if many of you are like me, but I mess up a lot!! I mean A LOT! I tend to put my foot in my mouth more times than not, I get flustered easily when I don't know how to respond to something someone said, I just say things that I don't realize I'm about to say, AND I tend to just shut down when I am uncomfortable....all of these things can have a negative effect on the ones that it is indirectly directed at. (did that just make sense?) cuz they may think that i am responding to them in a negative way. The thing that the Lord impressed upon me today is that in a sense it doesn't matter. Ultimately He is in control and that even if I mess up, which will happen approx 99.9% of the time, His plans succeed! I can't mess with His will. He is sovereign in my stupidity....He is gracious in my nervousness...He is loving even when I mess things up!!!! When I find myself in a situation that I just messed up in, my tendency is to talk about it with the person, so to clarify why i responded the way that I did....which usually makes me look more stupid and messes the other person up even more than before.......I'm not sure if any of this is making sense, but I feel overwhelmed at the thought that the Lord's Will is just that....I can't change it even when I do stupid things! Isn't the Lord grrrrreat!! Just something that I have found myself trusting the Lord in....maybe no one can relate, i dunno!
Hey, so friend from WI are you satisfied now????
Enough Already with the Weddings!!!!
I am not bitter...BUT AM I MISSING SOMETHING?? Seriously people, my single gal friends are dropping like flies! I have had 3 friends all within the past week and a half tell me they are soon to be gettin' hitched. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for them! I am excited that I will get to share in each of their special days with them! BUT...Is there something in the water that they are drinking that is severely lacking in the water here in WV?
I JUST gave away my beloved roomie last weekend...now I'm having to accept the fact that 3 of my friends are about to go to the dark side...and 1 of my special friends is marrying one of my guy friends....so I am in fact losing 4 dear friends to the dark side! UGH!
I'm gonna be "that girl" that will be single forever and all my friends will tilt there head at me, ask in a sweet voice..."sooo, is there someone special in your life these days?" And I will have to say nope...but you can pray for that for me if ya want!
This leads me to start working on my soon to-be-made bumper sticker...
Don't date, Don't allow yourself to be pursued, and Die alone....cuz it's easier!
I came up with the idea a few years back...i think it is rather catchy and women across the nation...no the world, will l-u-v it and want one!! This really could be my way of gettin' rich!! (This may have been more appropriate to mention when I hear people talk about the heartaches of "romance"...but since this concept is gonna take over the world, it doesn't hurt to mention it several times! EVEN in times of celebration! Am I wrong?....whatever! It's my bumper sticker idea, I'll mention it when I wanna, so there!...)
Alright, alright, I know what you are thinking....I seriously am NOT bitter!! I am very, very excited for all my married friends and soon to be married friends...I can't help that someday I hope to go to the dark side as well!
I'm not promised ANYTHING, but my heart clings to these verses as I long to go to the dark side!
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
I JUST gave away my beloved roomie last weekend...now I'm having to accept the fact that 3 of my friends are about to go to the dark side...and 1 of my special friends is marrying one of my guy friends....so I am in fact losing 4 dear friends to the dark side! UGH!
I'm gonna be "that girl" that will be single forever and all my friends will tilt there head at me, ask in a sweet voice..."sooo, is there someone special in your life these days?" And I will have to say nope...but you can pray for that for me if ya want!
This leads me to start working on my soon to-be-made bumper sticker...
Don't date, Don't allow yourself to be pursued, and Die alone....cuz it's easier!
I came up with the idea a few years back...i think it is rather catchy and women across the nation...no the world, will l-u-v it and want one!! This really could be my way of gettin' rich!! (This may have been more appropriate to mention when I hear people talk about the heartaches of "romance"...but since this concept is gonna take over the world, it doesn't hurt to mention it several times! EVEN in times of celebration! Am I wrong?....whatever! It's my bumper sticker idea, I'll mention it when I wanna, so there!...)
Alright, alright, I know what you are thinking....I seriously am NOT bitter!! I am very, very excited for all my married friends and soon to be married friends...I can't help that someday I hope to go to the dark side as well!
I'm not promised ANYTHING, but my heart clings to these verses as I long to go to the dark side!
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Seasons
"Even now in death you open doors for life to enter."
"So it is with you, and how you make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be as you are recreating me".
Every Season – Nichole Nordeman
"We don't know why you went away. Time goes slow, every hour in every day. But the seed will grow, life's re-arrange. The wind will blow and the season's gonna change."
Bethany – Charlie Dodrill
Seasons….what a wonderful concept! If the Lord were to ever call me away from living in a state with the seasonal changes, I would go, BUT I would be really sad!! I love the seasons…I love that things change and grow! I love the smells, the feel, the feeling you get looking forward to the next season that is just around the corner. I love how each season has to happen in order for the other seasons to occur. I just love seasons!!!!
BUT seasons in life aren't always so fun! I have realized lately that I am apparently in a season of loss. Not fun by the way!! Over the past 2 ½ years, I have dealt with loss on a whole new level. The loss of my mom, the loss of a relationship, the loss of friendships, the loss of employment, the loss of a home church, and the loss of "family". If it was up to be, I would sooooo be done with this season of my life. At times it has been agonizing, frustrating, confusing, hurtful, etc. As I have endured through this season I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about the Lord, and a lot about how He uses loss in our lives to transform us and mold us and ultimately how He uses it to draw us closer to Him. Until someone has gone through loss, it's a pretty tough subject to process and come to be understanding of it. (I think that I will never completely understand loss, well, I don't think anyone ever will completely understand, but I think we can be understanding of it.)
I added some song lyrics at the beginning of my ramblings because I think these lyrics of these 2 songs in particular have ministered to my little heart in huge ways! I'm also reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes where it talks about there is a time for everything. Loss happens and we are not in control of the how's, when's, and why's of loss. We are left with more questions than answers and we are left here on earth to get through our days living the abundant life that the Lord desires for us. Loss tries to steal and claim that abundant life so that we get despaired and hopeless. Loss leaves us empty, longing for answers, and joyless. BUT the Lord intends to do more with the loss He allows in our life. I believe He uses the losses in our lives to draw us near to Him. In the times of uncertainty and questions, He is the only constant truth. His Word is constant, His love is constant, His hope is constant…never wavering, never changing, never ceasing! He is the only reason that I am able to get my caboose out of bed and face the world because the world has not been nice to me as of late! Stupid world!! J
I fully believe in my heart of hearts that the Lord is doing something huge inside of me that will bring Him glory! I feel more alive now than I ever have before! (See quote from Nichole Nordeman at the top) I can't help but think that the loss in my life has helped me become more alive. I have been "forced" to think about the Lord in a new way as a result of loss and had to ask a lot of questions, and think about things that are hard. I have had to search the scriptures, the very heart of God, I've had to let some my questions remain unanswered, and I have had to trust the Lord for things that seem impossible to trust Him in.
This season that the Lord is allowing me to go through has only strengthened me and formed me into more like His Son. I can't even begin to put into words how much I love the Lord for using all this junk to change me and glorify Him. He loves me and cares for me enough to want me to love Him more and understand Him more. I mean, how great is He?????
My season of loss is changing and will continue to change. I will experience loss the rest of my life but the season I am in right now is only preparation for the next season the Lord will allow me to experience. How grateful I am to have Him in my heart and life!!! He is why I am who I am, and He is the reason that I will become who He desires me to be. He is my everything!
I'm excited about what the Lord is gonna continue to do in and through me as I continue to embrace this season and the seasons to come. 2 years ago I couldn't have been thankful for loss or even have begun to embrace it as a reality in my life. How faithful is God to be with me through all of my anger, confusion, hurt, etc and He is still with me.
On a lighter note….I went home this past weekend! Oh how I love my nieces and nephews….look at my pics! You will fall in love with them too…j-o-b…things here at the Ranch are getting interesting. The month of August should prove to be huge in this ministry. I'm excited to see what the Lord is gonna do!! Africa….still raising support. Pray for me cuz I am beginning to doubt that I am going. (how is it that I can trust Him to heal my heart of loss, but I can't trust him for a little thing like $$????? How dumb am I???)
ummmmm that should do it for this blog…I bet you are all (just ginny) breathing a *sigh* of relief!! Leave a comment, say a prayer, do whatever….know that I hope and pray that what the Lord has done in my life and continues to do in my life will bring someone encouragement and hope!! (If I didn't think it would, I wouldn't write these silly things)
Hildebran OUT!! **finally** J
"So it is with you, and how you make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be as you are recreating me".
Every Season – Nichole Nordeman
"We don't know why you went away. Time goes slow, every hour in every day. But the seed will grow, life's re-arrange. The wind will blow and the season's gonna change."
Bethany – Charlie Dodrill
Seasons….what a wonderful concept! If the Lord were to ever call me away from living in a state with the seasonal changes, I would go, BUT I would be really sad!! I love the seasons…I love that things change and grow! I love the smells, the feel, the feeling you get looking forward to the next season that is just around the corner. I love how each season has to happen in order for the other seasons to occur. I just love seasons!!!!
BUT seasons in life aren't always so fun! I have realized lately that I am apparently in a season of loss. Not fun by the way!! Over the past 2 ½ years, I have dealt with loss on a whole new level. The loss of my mom, the loss of a relationship, the loss of friendships, the loss of employment, the loss of a home church, and the loss of "family". If it was up to be, I would sooooo be done with this season of my life. At times it has been agonizing, frustrating, confusing, hurtful, etc. As I have endured through this season I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about the Lord, and a lot about how He uses loss in our lives to transform us and mold us and ultimately how He uses it to draw us closer to Him. Until someone has gone through loss, it's a pretty tough subject to process and come to be understanding of it. (I think that I will never completely understand loss, well, I don't think anyone ever will completely understand, but I think we can be understanding of it.)
I added some song lyrics at the beginning of my ramblings because I think these lyrics of these 2 songs in particular have ministered to my little heart in huge ways! I'm also reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes where it talks about there is a time for everything. Loss happens and we are not in control of the how's, when's, and why's of loss. We are left with more questions than answers and we are left here on earth to get through our days living the abundant life that the Lord desires for us. Loss tries to steal and claim that abundant life so that we get despaired and hopeless. Loss leaves us empty, longing for answers, and joyless. BUT the Lord intends to do more with the loss He allows in our life. I believe He uses the losses in our lives to draw us near to Him. In the times of uncertainty and questions, He is the only constant truth. His Word is constant, His love is constant, His hope is constant…never wavering, never changing, never ceasing! He is the only reason that I am able to get my caboose out of bed and face the world because the world has not been nice to me as of late! Stupid world!! J
I fully believe in my heart of hearts that the Lord is doing something huge inside of me that will bring Him glory! I feel more alive now than I ever have before! (See quote from Nichole Nordeman at the top) I can't help but think that the loss in my life has helped me become more alive. I have been "forced" to think about the Lord in a new way as a result of loss and had to ask a lot of questions, and think about things that are hard. I have had to search the scriptures, the very heart of God, I've had to let some my questions remain unanswered, and I have had to trust the Lord for things that seem impossible to trust Him in.
This season that the Lord is allowing me to go through has only strengthened me and formed me into more like His Son. I can't even begin to put into words how much I love the Lord for using all this junk to change me and glorify Him. He loves me and cares for me enough to want me to love Him more and understand Him more. I mean, how great is He?????
My season of loss is changing and will continue to change. I will experience loss the rest of my life but the season I am in right now is only preparation for the next season the Lord will allow me to experience. How grateful I am to have Him in my heart and life!!! He is why I am who I am, and He is the reason that I will become who He desires me to be. He is my everything!
I'm excited about what the Lord is gonna continue to do in and through me as I continue to embrace this season and the seasons to come. 2 years ago I couldn't have been thankful for loss or even have begun to embrace it as a reality in my life. How faithful is God to be with me through all of my anger, confusion, hurt, etc and He is still with me.
On a lighter note….I went home this past weekend! Oh how I love my nieces and nephews….look at my pics! You will fall in love with them too…j-o-b…things here at the Ranch are getting interesting. The month of August should prove to be huge in this ministry. I'm excited to see what the Lord is gonna do!! Africa….still raising support. Pray for me cuz I am beginning to doubt that I am going. (how is it that I can trust Him to heal my heart of loss, but I can't trust him for a little thing like $$????? How dumb am I???)
ummmmm that should do it for this blog…I bet you are all (just ginny) breathing a *sigh* of relief!! Leave a comment, say a prayer, do whatever….know that I hope and pray that what the Lord has done in my life and continues to do in my life will bring someone encouragement and hope!! (If I didn't think it would, I wouldn't write these silly things)
Hildebran OUT!! **finally** J
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