Tuesday, May 26, 2009
YIPPEE!!
Oh yeah...and guess who has lost 17 pounds? yeppppppp....ME (with the Lord's help of course! Couldn't do it without Him!!)
"New Building" - yeah right!
ok...sooooooo I have been going to Crossroads Church now for a lil over a year. I have found fellowship there, have had my heart increased for missions there, and have found solid biblical teaching there. It has been such a blessing to be a small part of that church family, but recently it has been hard. The church just purchased a moved into a new church building. The previous church that was in that building was New Beginnings Community Church!?!?!? DOES THAT NAME RING A BELL?????? *sigh*
For those of you that don't understand what I am talking about here is the brief edited version of a very long story: I found out about that church during the first year I lived in Morgantown. Attended it after 7 months of going to another church and ended up staying at New Beginnings for 3 1/2 years. Also for 2 of those years I was on staff at the church. During that time there were 4 MAJOR things that I went through: Dating Lance, Losing my mother, and then eventually breaking up with Lance, and also eventually leaving the church under not so positive circumstances, but definitely God-directed (which left me churchless, fellowshipless, and jobless). Of course there are loads and loads of other things I could type regarding those 3 1/2 years but I did tell you that i was giving you the brief edited version, so I'll leave it at that.
So needless to say, this past Sunday was a celebration for everyone else in the Crossroads Church family, but not really for me, when we had our first service in the new building. For me it was a constant reminder of those past 3 1/2 years and all the loss and hurt that I experienced. I have been wondering why the Lord has allowed me to have this going on in my life...I don't think it's a coincidence that I am where I am...I just would rather to never step foot in a building that stirs in me what that church building stirs in me. I would rather not be reminded of the most painful 3 1/2 years of my life. I would rather not be reminded of the constant loss I experienced and the deep deep wounds that loss has left on me.
So yay for Crossroads Church! Glad that the Lord is moving in ways that are soooo clear and evident...but really bummed that I can't quite enjoy it the way that I believe I should. I'm praying that I will be transformed even more during this season of reminders and that one day I can truly rejoice about it as well.
For those of you that don't understand what I am talking about here is the brief edited version of a very long story: I found out about that church during the first year I lived in Morgantown. Attended it after 7 months of going to another church and ended up staying at New Beginnings for 3 1/2 years. Also for 2 of those years I was on staff at the church. During that time there were 4 MAJOR things that I went through: Dating Lance, Losing my mother, and then eventually breaking up with Lance, and also eventually leaving the church under not so positive circumstances, but definitely God-directed (which left me churchless, fellowshipless, and jobless). Of course there are loads and loads of other things I could type regarding those 3 1/2 years but I did tell you that i was giving you the brief edited version, so I'll leave it at that.
So needless to say, this past Sunday was a celebration for everyone else in the Crossroads Church family, but not really for me, when we had our first service in the new building. For me it was a constant reminder of those past 3 1/2 years and all the loss and hurt that I experienced. I have been wondering why the Lord has allowed me to have this going on in my life...I don't think it's a coincidence that I am where I am...I just would rather to never step foot in a building that stirs in me what that church building stirs in me. I would rather not be reminded of the most painful 3 1/2 years of my life. I would rather not be reminded of the constant loss I experienced and the deep deep wounds that loss has left on me.
So yay for Crossroads Church! Glad that the Lord is moving in ways that are soooo clear and evident...but really bummed that I can't quite enjoy it the way that I believe I should. I'm praying that I will be transformed even more during this season of reminders and that one day I can truly rejoice about it as well.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Perfect Timing
May 10, was Mother's Day. Mother's Day has become a weird day for me...I noticed it this year more than I have before. It's a sad day for me due to not having a mother to celebrate of my own anymore, but a happy day because of all the mother's that I know. This year in particular was the first Mother's Day for a lot of my friends and my sister. The very first of many that they will have...So I found myself sad and incredibly happy all at the same time. Weird.
It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!
After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:
It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!
After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:
"Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." - Nehemiah 8:10
Now I do realize that this verse was not fully talking about physical death as it was a realization that the people had sinned against God and their relationship with Him had been restored. Soooo not the same context, but still very applicable. I had never read the entire book of Nehemiah before...just bits and pieces of it...so this verse in particular was new to me. How sweet of the Lord to reveal this truth in His Word to me on Mother's Day of all days. A day that I was struggling with...
After I spent time in the Word, I drove down to my "special spot" and sat and reflected and prayed and cried. AGAIN...like He does all the time, the Lord met me in a special way and I got an idea of how I can honor my mother. I found a really neat rock in my "special spot" and I stole it! Yessss, I stole from the Ranch! ha! I am going to paint the rock...and add the scripture from Nehemiah on it. {pics will be posted soon, once the rock is complete} It's hard to find things to do to honor my mother because I feel like I am not in a permanent location...I don't want to put something somewhere and me leave it in like a year or two. Sooo this year's "thing" will b very movable! :)
The joy of the Lord is my strength....and I praise Him for that! It's only because of Him who is in me that I have joy, hope, and healing! Life is tough...without Him I couldn't endure the twists and turns that get thrown at me. Loss is impossible to understand, but His character never changes! His truths are just as true today as they were way back when!
Monday, May 18, 2009
--Knocked Out--
Whew! After about a week of what I say is the SWINE flu, others may argue that, I am on the road to recovery, thankgoodness!!! It all started last Tuesday evening, shall we go there? I think we shall.
Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...
Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.
Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!
Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!
Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....
Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!
THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)
This blog is really random!
I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!
Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...
Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.
Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!
Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!
Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....
Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!
THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)
This blog is really random!
I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
I'm going POSTAL!
NOOOO, not in the violent way...in the rain, sleet, snow kinda way!
OK....so not that I am complaining cuz I understand that there needs to be rain, BUT why oh WHY does it need to rain every day that I am training for my 5k?????? It seems as if everyday that I venture out to train is a battle. Whether it's the track that isn't usable, or it raining cats, dogs, elephants, and every other large animal known to man, EVERY day has been a struggle! I am very happy to say that the rain hasn't stopped me! Although I have thought twice about it when I hear the rain pellets clamoring down outside! I have to again say, that it's not because of me, it's because of who is in me!!! Thank you Lord for giving me strength and desire to get healthy even when I have every reason to stay at home, remain dry, and read a good book! Here is a pic to prove that I am dedicated because the Lord is just pushing me and driving me towards better health and a lifestyle that brings Him glory!
Thanks Ang for being a trooper and running in the rain with me!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
--Can't Keep This Inside--
For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. --Hebrews 4:12-13
I have been reminded time and time again this past week at just how powerful the Word of God is. It is what brings healing to a hurting heart, it's what turns lies into truth, it's our source to the very heart of God, it is the very heart of God. When we are focused on the Word, the promises of God, the promises we have as His children it will transform us. It will change us. It will radically challenge us. It will bring us life.
I had the blessing this week of writing a ton of scriptures on notecards for a friend...not only was it a blessing to be able to share the Word with a friend and encourage them with it, but what an amazing time I had looking up promise after promise after promise. To let the power of God's truth penetrate my heart--WoW!
If you find yourself lost, confused, hurt, angry, complacent, etc. I challenge you to open up the Word and let the beauty of the words penetrate you to your very core...it WILL TRANSFORM YOU!!!!!
While I'm Waiting
It has just been one of those weeks.
*finished my second full week of training for my 5k and still haven't died. yAy!!
*lost another 5 pounds for a GRAND TOTAL of 11 in two short weeks!! Looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!
*was able to "be there" for a friend in need.
*had a productive and enjoyable week at the Ranch.
*and realized more and more just how important this time in my life is: this period of waiting. the period of transforming. this period that the Lord desires for me to have because He has graciously and lovingly given it to me. this period of wondering, hoping, pressing on. this period of preparation for something AMAZING. this period of growth. this period of...
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
*finished my second full week of training for my 5k and still haven't died. yAy!!
*lost another 5 pounds for a GRAND TOTAL of 11 in two short weeks!! Looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!
*was able to "be there" for a friend in need.
*had a productive and enjoyable week at the Ranch.
*and realized more and more just how important this time in my life is: this period of waiting. the period of transforming. this period that the Lord desires for me to have because He has graciously and lovingly given it to me. this period of wondering, hoping, pressing on. this period of preparation for something AMAZING. this period of growth. this period of...
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
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