Seasons

"Even now in death you open doors for life to enter."

"So it is with you, and how you make me new
With every season's change
And so it will be as you are recreating me".
Every Season – Nichole Nordeman

"We don't know why you went away. Time goes slow, every hour in every day. But the seed will grow, life's re-arrange. The wind will blow and the season's gonna change."
Bethany – Charlie Dodrill

Seasons….what a wonderful concept! If the Lord were to ever call me away from living in a state with the seasonal changes, I would go, BUT I would be really sad!! I love the seasons…I love that things change and grow! I love the smells, the feel, the feeling you get looking forward to the next season that is just around the corner. I love how each season has to happen in order for the other seasons to occur. I just love seasons!!!!

BUT seasons in life aren't always so fun! I have realized lately that I am apparently in a season of loss. Not fun by the way!! Over the past 2 ½ years, I have dealt with loss on a whole new level. The loss of my mom, the loss of a relationship, the loss of friendships, the loss of employment, the loss of a home church, and the loss of "family". If it was up to be, I would sooooo be done with this season of my life. At times it has been agonizing, frustrating, confusing, hurtful, etc. As I have endured through this season I have learned a lot about myself, a lot about the Lord, and a lot about how He uses loss in our lives to transform us and mold us and ultimately how He uses it to draw us closer to Him. Until someone has gone through loss, it's a pretty tough subject to process and come to be understanding of it. (I think that I will never completely understand loss, well, I don't think anyone ever will completely understand, but I think we can be understanding of it.)

I added some song lyrics at the beginning of my ramblings because I think these lyrics of these 2 songs in particular have ministered to my little heart in huge ways! I'm also reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes where it talks about there is a time for everything. Loss happens and we are not in control of the how's, when's, and why's of loss. We are left with more questions than answers and we are left here on earth to get through our days living the abundant life that the Lord desires for us. Loss tries to steal and claim that abundant life so that we get despaired and hopeless. Loss leaves us empty, longing for answers, and joyless. BUT the Lord intends to do more with the loss He allows in our life. I believe He uses the losses in our lives to draw us near to Him. In the times of uncertainty and questions, He is the only constant truth. His Word is constant, His love is constant, His hope is constant…never wavering, never changing, never ceasing! He is the only reason that I am able to get my caboose out of bed and face the world because the world has not been nice to me as of late! Stupid world!! J

I fully believe in my heart of hearts that the Lord is doing something huge inside of me that will bring Him glory! I feel more alive now than I ever have before! (See quote from Nichole Nordeman at the top) I can't help but think that the loss in my life has helped me become more alive. I have been "forced" to think about the Lord in a new way as a result of loss and had to ask a lot of questions, and think about things that are hard. I have had to search the scriptures, the very heart of God, I've had to let some my questions remain unanswered, and I have had to trust the Lord for things that seem impossible to trust Him in.

This season that the Lord is allowing me to go through has only strengthened me and formed me into more like His Son. I can't even begin to put into words how much I love the Lord for using all this junk to change me and glorify Him. He loves me and cares for me enough to want me to love Him more and understand Him more. I mean, how great is He?????

My season of loss is changing and will continue to change. I will experience loss the rest of my life but the season I am in right now is only preparation for the next season the Lord will allow me to experience. How grateful I am to have Him in my heart and life!!! He is why I am who I am, and He is the reason that I will become who He desires me to be. He is my everything!

I'm excited about what the Lord is gonna continue to do in and through me as I continue to embrace this season and the seasons to come. 2 years ago I couldn't have been thankful for loss or even have begun to embrace it as a reality in my life. How faithful is God to be with me through all of my anger, confusion, hurt, etc and He is still with me.

On a lighter note….I went home this past weekend! Oh how I love my nieces and nephews….look at my pics! You will fall in love with them too…j-o-b…things here at the Ranch are getting interesting. The month of August should prove to be huge in this ministry. I'm excited to see what the Lord is gonna do!! Africa….still raising support. Pray for me cuz I am beginning to doubt that I am going. (how is it that I can trust Him to heal my heart of loss, but I can't trust him for a little thing like $$????? How dumb am I???)

ummmmm that should do it for this blog…I bet you are all (just ginny) breathing a *sigh* of relief!! Leave a comment, say a prayer, do whatever….know that I hope and pray that what the Lord has done in my life and continues to do in my life will bring someone encouragement and hope!! (If I didn't think it would, I wouldn't write these silly things)
Hildebran OUT!! **finally** J