picture it: I am in the Dominican on a mission trip. We are at the construction site of the feeding center we went over to build and we were told that there were some baptisms happening and that we were gonna go to witness them. Pretty cool huh! BUT WAIT...how are we gonna get there u ask. Good Question. Normally we went on a mini-bus type thing because of the size of group we had. It was like any normal vehicle u and i have been in. One problem. The mini-bus thingy isn't going to pick us up to take us to the site of the baptism because it is already at our destination. Sooooo...that means that we all have to hop on a water truck to get to the baptisms. Doesn't sound bad does it? Well not to a personal of normal weight and mobility. Which by the way did not describe me at that particular time in my life.
So as I am eyeing up the water truck that we were going to have to "hop" on, my heart sank. I subtly tried to figure out how in the world I would get my big fat caboose on this thing. After several minutes of debating this in my head I came to the realization that I would be staying overnight at the construction site cuz there was NO WAY I was gonna physically be able to get on this thing. And I was not about to ask for help either. (Toooooo embarassing!) THEN, I hear murmors of them putting the kiddos in the front of the truck. That's it, i thought...i'll hang with the kids. (there was a step on that part of the truck, so not difficult to get into. It was then that I heard angels singing.....ok maybe not, but that was opportunity to not look like a complete cow of a woman. Sooooo like the servant I am, ha!, I graciously offer to be with the kids in the front. That was the moment I realized that I have a serious problem....
I don't know how to explain it, but it was such a hindering feeling those few minutes I internally debated about how I was going to hoist myself onto the water truck. It was that moment that I will never forget. That was the moment when I realized on a whole new level just how much my health and my weight keep me from living. I have said this before, but I feel like I am trapped in a shell of a person that isn't really me. Because of my weight I hesitate to try new things, I am constantly wondering if I will fit here or there, or if someone will notice this constant debate I have in all social situations, wondering if my size will somehow affect me in anyway. THIS my friends is NOT living.
I also came to the conclusion that my weight can keep me from doing things the Lord is calling me to do. (side note: I almost didn't go to the Dominican because I was ashamed of my weight and I knew that it would negatively affect me on that trip) Instead of the Lord controlling this part of my life, this part of my life has controlled me for too many years. It's not just about how I look, it's about the type of life I have because of my weight...it is not a life I would wish on anyone!
Because of that moment in the DR, because of the Lord gripping my heart with His truth, and because I don't want to live the type of life I have been living this area of my life has changed dramatically! Praise the Lord! I have now lost 30.5 pounds and am THRILLED! I have also been changed in my heart and mind, and that is stinking awesome because that means the physical change is just a result of the heart and mind changes! That means it will stick this time....it's not about getting to a smaller size (although that is FUN!), it's not about being viewed as pretty, it's about glorifying the Lord with my body that belongs to Him. It's about being available to live the life He desires for me.
One more thing: I decided as a way to keep motivated and excited about this journey, I would "reward" myself for every 10 pounds I lose. Soooo, here is a pic of my first 2 rewards.
The necklace charm has my initial on it and the ring says "Nothing is impossible". This necklace is a constant reminder of the journey I am on...With Him, I can do anything and everything. Nothing is impossible! I'll be sure to post a pic of my next "reward" :)
3 comments:
Congratulations!! That is so awesome. So super proud of you for overcoming all the obstacles that have come your way on this journey that could have been huge set backs! Way to overcome! I always look forward to Monday nights to hear your progress! Keep on keepin' on!!! :)
Amazing..!!!! We think about you every day!!!
This was awesome!! I too realize how little I've been living life. What scares me is that there could be a catastrophic event and my weight would prevent me from saving my children's life (or something along those lines). I read there's a lady that runs a bootcamp type experience that puts women through things like car crashes and house fires (within safe boundaries) to empower and strengthen them.
Keep up the great work and thank you for following me! :)
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