A collection of my musings, ramblings, and thoughts about this life and the Lord.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
YIPPEE!!
"New Building" - yeah right!
For those of you that don't understand what I am talking about here is the brief edited version of a very long story: I found out about that church during the first year I lived in Morgantown. Attended it after 7 months of going to another church and ended up staying at New Beginnings for 3 1/2 years. Also for 2 of those years I was on staff at the church. During that time there were 4 MAJOR things that I went through: Dating Lance, Losing my mother, and then eventually breaking up with Lance, and also eventually leaving the church under not so positive circumstances, but definitely God-directed (which left me churchless, fellowshipless, and jobless). Of course there are loads and loads of other things I could type regarding those 3 1/2 years but I did tell you that i was giving you the brief edited version, so I'll leave it at that.
So needless to say, this past Sunday was a celebration for everyone else in the Crossroads Church family, but not really for me, when we had our first service in the new building. For me it was a constant reminder of those past 3 1/2 years and all the loss and hurt that I experienced. I have been wondering why the Lord has allowed me to have this going on in my life...I don't think it's a coincidence that I am where I am...I just would rather to never step foot in a building that stirs in me what that church building stirs in me. I would rather not be reminded of the most painful 3 1/2 years of my life. I would rather not be reminded of the constant loss I experienced and the deep deep wounds that loss has left on me.
So yay for Crossroads Church! Glad that the Lord is moving in ways that are soooo clear and evident...but really bummed that I can't quite enjoy it the way that I believe I should. I'm praying that I will be transformed even more during this season of reminders and that one day I can truly rejoice about it as well.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Perfect Timing
It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!
After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:
Monday, May 18, 2009
--Knocked Out--
Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...
Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.
Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!
Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!
Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....
Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!
THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)
This blog is really random!
I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!
Friday, May 8, 2009
I'm going POSTAL!
Sunday, May 3, 2009
--Can't Keep This Inside--
While I'm Waiting
*finished my second full week of training for my 5k and still haven't died. yAy!!
*lost another 5 pounds for a GRAND TOTAL of 11 in two short weeks!! Looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!
*was able to "be there" for a friend in need.
*had a productive and enjoyable week at the Ranch.
*and realized more and more just how important this time in my life is: this period of waiting. the period of transforming. this period that the Lord desires for me to have because He has graciously and lovingly given it to me. this period of wondering, hoping, pressing on. this period of preparation for something AMAZING. this period of growth. this period of...
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait
I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
While I'm Waiting - John Waller
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Not what I expected...
I always thought that I would go to college, get a MRS and graduate, get a job as a teacher then have kids, be a stay at home mom, and the rest would be history. Boy was I ever wrong. I also didn't think I would have Jesus as my number one priority and I really didn't believe that I would experience loss like I have the past 4 1/2 years. It's amazing to me how quickly we form plans in our minds of what we would like to happen. We decide what is suitable for us, what's convenient for us, what we would like, what we would chose.
Well 12 years ago this August I began a journey that has many twists, turns, and surprises and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am living in a state that I didn't know ANYTHING about, I'm most definitely single with very few dates to speak of, no longer have a mother, working for a ministry that didn't even exist, and I love Jesus with my whole heart! Boy how my life has changed. I've also been reminded of the fact that the Lord has His plans and purposes and He brings them to fruition...He has the perfect plan for each of us! Even when we can't understand the who's, why's, when's, etc. His plans are perfect.
Even though my life is nothing like I would have planned or picked or asked for, I'm truly blessed to have experienced what I have, met the people that I have met, and gone through the many valleys...He has used it ALL for my benefit and HIS glory!!! Thank you Lord for knowing what is best and protecting me from the things I wanted that were obviously not in Your plan for my life. THANK YOU!!!!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Jesus Boot Camp
I am also happy to report that on Monday I had my first "weigh-in" and I have lost 6 pounds so far!! I was pretty proud of those 6 pounds! Again, I have a LONG way to go to get where I want to be, but I am just soooo stinkin' excited that I am headed in the right direction. Every minute I make choices that will impact my life and health and I pray that He gives me the strength and desire to make the decisions that will bring Him the most glory. Apart from Him I can't do it, I can't muster up the motivation to run in a monsoon...I can't say no to the pizza at our Board Meeting (I definitely said no and chose a veggie sub from Subway instead)....and I can't walk through the aisles of the grocery store and not put all kinds of yummy treats, that will pack on the pounds, in my cart. HE allows me to do all of those things...It's so hard, but I am truly thankful that He is giving me self-control!!!
I had a breakthrough in the Domincan Republic that has lit this fire in me to change my life. I won't go into details (soooo unlike me, I know! ha!) but I had a moment where I realized I was trapped...trapped in this body that keeps me from doing a lot of things. Trapped in a shell that keeps people from seeing me. Trapped in this fat suit that keeps my confidence barely above ground! TRAPPED! I don't want to be TRAPPED anymore!!!!
It's weird...Jesus Boot Camp that is! Have you ever felt like the Lord was preparing you for something...you can sense it...you experience Him in a new and exciting way...you just KNOW He is up to something...but you have NO IDEA what??? That's where I am right now. I truly believe that not only am I in physical training but I am also in Jesus Boot Camp...training to be more effective for Him, training for a new and exciting journey that He has planned for me. Sky is the limit! It's fun, exciting, and weird all at the same time.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
ROAD TRIPS & GOALS
I also listend to numerous sermons by Mark Driscoll...whew, what a godly man who has a way of making the Word come alive and be challenging in new and exciting ways! Good stuff!! I was listening to a sermon series on marriage...which i thought was appropriate considering that the purpose of this road trip was to witness in my good friends wedding.
Congrats Kate & Brad!!!
She was a stunning bride and he was a handsome groom...This wedding was a true representation to me of God's faithfulness! Their story, the years of obedience, the measures of forgivenss and grace, the love they both have for the Lord...good stuff. They really need to write a book about their story. It is guaranteed to provide a ton of encouragement to many people!!!
Back to the sermon series....as a single gal I desire to be married someday so I enjoy listening to sermons on marriage in hopes that the Lord will use them to teach me a ton and prepare me someday for marriage. It's my desire to be the woman He desires to be so I feel like I am in marriage boot camp until He provides that man that will accept me and love me because of who I am in Christ. I also enjoy spending time with my married friends...I just try to soak up all their godly wisdom so that one day I will be a wife and a mom that brings glory and honor to the Lord. (Atleast I pray that those things would be true of me!) Sooo yeppp, Roadtrips are fun and refreshing...can't wait for the next one!
Goals: well people I have 2 really BIG goals. Are you ready? Can you handle it?? I will be running in my first 5K on August 22. The training has begun! I also have a goal of losing 50 pounds before I turn the BIG 30, which will happen on August 24. Pray for me! I know that I can't do it apart from Him who gives me strength and self-control. It's a HUGE area for me to fail miserably in, but I am going to take it one day at a time and trust that He will help me reach my goals.