Perfect Timing

May 10, was Mother's Day. Mother's Day has become a weird day for me...I noticed it this year more than I have before. It's a sad day for me due to not having a mother to celebrate of my own anymore, but a happy day because of all the mother's that I know. This year in particular was the first Mother's Day for a lot of my friends and my sister. The very first of many that they will have...So I found myself sad and incredibly happy all at the same time. Weird.

It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!

After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

Now I do realize that this verse was not fully talking about physical death as it was a realization that the people had sinned against God and their relationship with Him had been restored. Soooo not the same context, but still very applicable. I had never read the entire book of Nehemiah before...just bits and pieces of it...so this verse in particular was new to me. How sweet of the Lord to reveal this truth in His Word to me on Mother's Day of all days. A day that I was struggling with...

After I spent time in the Word, I drove down to my "special spot" and sat and reflected and prayed and cried. AGAIN...like He does all the time, the Lord met me in a special way and I got an idea of how I can honor my mother. I found a really neat rock in my "special spot" and I stole it! Yessss, I stole from the Ranch! ha! I am going to paint the rock...and add the scripture from Nehemiah on it. {pics will be posted soon, once the rock is complete} It's hard to find things to do to honor my mother because I feel like I am not in a permanent location...I don't want to put something somewhere and me leave it in like a year or two. Sooo this year's "thing" will b very movable! :)

The joy of the Lord is my strength....and I praise Him for that! It's only because of Him who is in me that I have joy, hope, and healing! Life is tough...without Him I couldn't endure the twists and turns that get thrown at me. Loss is impossible to understand, but His character never changes! His truths are just as true today as they were way back when!

--Knocked Out--

Whew! After about a week of what I say is the SWINE flu, others may argue that, I am on the road to recovery, thankgoodness!!! It all started last Tuesday evening, shall we go there? I think we shall.

Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...

Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.

Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!

Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!

Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....

Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!

THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)

This blog is really random!

I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!

I'm going POSTAL!

NOOOO, not in the violent way...in the rain, sleet, snow kinda way!

OK....so not that I am complaining cuz I understand that there needs to be rain, BUT why oh WHY does it need to rain every day that I am training for my 5k?????? It seems as if everyday that I venture out to train is a battle. Whether it's the track that isn't usable, or it raining cats, dogs, elephants, and every other large animal known to man, EVERY day has been a struggle! I am very happy to say that the rain hasn't stopped me! Although I have thought twice about it when I hear the rain pellets clamoring down outside! I have to again say, that it's not because of me, it's because of who is in me!!! Thank you Lord for giving me strength and desire to get healthy even when I have every reason to stay at home, remain dry, and read a good book! Here is a pic to prove that I am dedicated because the Lord is just pushing me and driving me towards better health and a lifestyle that brings Him glory!

Thanks Ang for being a trooper and running in the rain with me!

--Can't Keep This Inside--

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. --Hebrews 4:12-13

I have been reminded time and time again this past week at just how powerful the Word of God is. It is what brings healing to a hurting heart, it's what turns lies into truth, it's our source to the very heart of God, it is the very heart of God. When we are focused on the Word, the promises of God, the promises we have as His children it will transform us. It will change us. It will radically challenge us. It will bring us life.

I had the blessing this week of writing a ton of scriptures on notecards for a friend...not only was it a blessing to be able to share the Word with a friend and encourage them with it, but what an amazing time I had looking up promise after promise after promise. To let the power of God's truth penetrate my heart--WoW!

If you find yourself lost, confused, hurt, angry, complacent, etc. I challenge you to open up the Word and let the beauty of the words penetrate you to your very core...it WILL TRANSFORM YOU!!!!!

While I'm Waiting

It has just been one of those weeks.

*finished my second full week of training for my 5k and still haven't died. yAy!!

*lost another 5 pounds for a GRAND TOTAL of 11 in two short weeks!! Looking forward to tomorrow's weigh-in!

*was able to "be there" for a friend in need.

*had a productive and enjoyable week at the Ranch.

*and realized more and more just how important this time in my life is: this period of waiting. the period of transforming. this period that the Lord desires for me to have because He has graciously and lovingly given it to me. this period of wondering, hoping, pressing on. this period of preparation for something AMAZING. this period of growth. this period of...


I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

Not what I expected...

I've been reflecting the past few days about my life. There seems to be one major theme that I have seen throughout...if you would have asked me 12 years ago what I thought my life would be like, my ideas and what has actually happened would not match.

I always thought that I would go to college, get a MRS and graduate, get a job as a teacher then have kids, be a stay at home mom, and the rest would be history. Boy was I ever wrong. I also didn't think I would have Jesus as my number one priority and I really didn't believe that I would experience loss like I have the past 4 1/2 years. It's amazing to me how quickly we form plans in our minds of what we would like to happen. We decide what is suitable for us, what's convenient for us, what we would like, what we would chose.

Well 12 years ago this August I began a journey that has many twists, turns, and surprises and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am living in a state that I didn't know ANYTHING about, I'm most definitely single with very few dates to speak of, no longer have a mother, working for a ministry that didn't even exist, and I love Jesus with my whole heart! Boy how my life has changed. I've also been reminded of the fact that the Lord has His plans and purposes and He brings them to fruition...He has the perfect plan for each of us! Even when we can't understand the who's, why's, when's, etc. His plans are perfect.

Even though my life is nothing like I would have planned or picked or asked for, I'm truly blessed to have experienced what I have, met the people that I have met, and gone through the many valleys...He has used it ALL for my benefit and HIS glory!!! Thank you Lord for knowing what is best and protecting me from the things I wanted that were obviously not in Your plan for my life. THANK YOU!!!!

Jesus Boot Camp

So this week was the "official" start of my 5K training. Monday I was on the track while it was raining cats & dogs & ELEPHANTS not to mention hurricane force winds and chilly temperatures! BUT I went...I may have been soaking wet with mascara running down my cheeks, not moving faster than a turtle, but i WENT! I could have very easily used the elements as an excuse to not go, but I just kept thinking there will ALWAYS be a reason for me not to go. Then Wednesday hit, I again thought I was gonna be met by lots and lots of rain, but the Lord provided a brief window of opportunity in between rain pellets and I was able to do my training! It's kind of embarassing because I am about as fast as molasses, but I know that it's just the beginning and I will get better. I just pray that no one that I know sees me!! Tomorrow is day three...looks to be sunny and warm, hope that makes my caboose move a lil faster!!

I am also happy to report that on Monday I had my first "weigh-in" and I have lost 6 pounds so far!! I was pretty proud of those 6 pounds! Again, I have a LONG way to go to get where I want to be, but I am just soooo stinkin' excited that I am headed in the right direction. Every minute I make choices that will impact my life and health and I pray that He gives me the strength and desire to make the decisions that will bring Him the most glory. Apart from Him I can't do it, I can't muster up the motivation to run in a monsoon...I can't say no to the pizza at our Board Meeting (I definitely said no and chose a veggie sub from Subway instead)....and I can't walk through the aisles of the grocery store and not put all kinds of yummy treats, that will pack on the pounds, in my cart. HE allows me to do all of those things...It's so hard, but I am truly thankful that He is giving me self-control!!!

I had a breakthrough in the Domincan Republic that has lit this fire in me to change my life. I won't go into details (soooo unlike me, I know! ha!) but I had a moment where I realized I was trapped...trapped in this body that keeps me from doing a lot of things. Trapped in a shell that keeps people from seeing me. Trapped in this fat suit that keeps my confidence barely above ground! TRAPPED! I don't want to be TRAPPED anymore!!!!

It's weird...Jesus Boot Camp that is! Have you ever felt like the Lord was preparing you for something...you can sense it...you experience Him in a new and exciting way...you just KNOW He is up to something...but you have NO IDEA what??? That's where I am right now. I truly believe that not only am I in physical training but I am also in Jesus Boot Camp...training to be more effective for Him, training for a new and exciting journey that He has planned for me. Sky is the limit! It's fun, exciting, and weird all at the same time.

ROAD TRIPS & GOALS

As a single gal I have found that roadtrips are happening more often in my life and have provided an immense amount of refreshment for me. I find that those are times when I can just escape from the busyness of life, reflect on what the Lord is teaching me, pray, and of course sing and dance. This past weekend's trip was no different. Thanks to the music of Eric Hutchinson, Laura Story, Kelly Clarkson, Feist, Tracy Chapman, The Fray, and many other artsists, I think I may have pulled some muscles from my fierce dance moves while driving. Many of my closest friends make fun of me for this, but I just think it's yet another way to try to burn calories! Laughing and dancing WILL get me to my goal weight! I am also happy to report that ghetto cruiser, also known as Sha-Needa in some circles, made it to MD and back without quitting. Considering she is a FORD (never again will I be a FORD owner!) and has over 121,000 miles I just pray everytime I start her up that she works! The trip was a success!

I also listend to numerous sermons by Mark Driscoll...whew, what a godly man who has a way of making the Word come alive and be challenging in new and exciting ways! Good stuff!! I was listening to a sermon series on marriage...which i thought was appropriate considering that the purpose of this road trip was to witness in my good friends wedding.

Congrats Kate & Brad!!!

She was a stunning bride and he was a handsome groom...This wedding was a true representation to me of God's faithfulness! Their story, the years of obedience, the measures of forgivenss and grace, the love they both have for the Lord...good stuff. They really need to write a book about their story. It is guaranteed to provide a ton of encouragement to many people!!!


Back to the sermon series....as a single gal I desire to be married someday so I enjoy listening to sermons on marriage in hopes that the Lord will use them to teach me a ton and prepare me someday for marriage. It's my desire to be the woman He desires to be so I feel like I am in marriage boot camp until He provides that man that will accept me and love me because of who I am in Christ. I also enjoy spending time with my married friends...I just try to soak up all their godly wisdom so that one day I will be a wife and a mom that brings glory and honor to the Lord. (Atleast I pray that those things would be true of me!) Sooo yeppp, Roadtrips are fun and refreshing...can't wait for the next one!


Goals: well people I have 2 really BIG goals. Are you ready? Can you handle it?? I will be running in my first 5K on August 22. The training has begun! I also have a goal of losing 50 pounds before I turn the BIG 30, which will happen on August 24. Pray for me! I know that I can't do it apart from Him who gives me strength and self-control. It's a HUGE area for me to fail miserably in, but I am going to take it one day at a time and trust that He will help me reach my goals.

Austin Trip, Asher, Mom, Life, Confusion, blah blah blah...

Just got back from my trip to Austin.... :( I miss my nephew already! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!?!? What a fun visit it turned out to be! My sis and her hubby live in Austin and just had their first child, Asher Henry Sorensen, on February 4th. This was my first trip ever to Texas and my first chance to hold lil Asher in my arms. To say it was a joy is not saying enough! Although I wished that I could have done more to help out, I was able to help my sister get some much needed rest (hopefully I helped!), did some laundry, dishes, snuggled with my nephew, and watched the lil guy so she could get a massage. This was not a hard decision to make...have u seen Asher???? ;) Seriously though, this was something that I wanted to do since I found out my sis was preggers. It's what mom would have done...well, actually she would have moved down to Austin for a few months to help Reba out...wait, NO she would have moved there permanently!

It's times like these that make it harder for me that my mom is no longer here with us...the first BIG event that she missed was Becky & Peter's wedding...she would have been sooo proud to be the mother of the bride that day. I have pictured what her beaming face would have looked like many times since that day. And now with the birth of Asher....her whole being would have radiated knowing that Becky was going to be a mother for the first time. To be quite honest....it SUCKS that my mom has missed those things. It sucks for us to have her not here for those things. I haven't had any major life transitions since she passed like my sis, but I wonder what it will be like for me if and when those moments come. Will it be like the day isn't complete because she's not there? Will it ever be normal to go through life transitions now that she isn't here to be a part of them.

My heart aches for Becky in that way...(Yeppp, Beckers, I sure do hurt for u!). I guess that is what motivates me to fill in the gap so to speak. I would want someone to do that for me. Now don't get me wrong, I love my sis and I would do anything for her, peter, & now Asher, but I can't help but feel even more motivated to do more, be more, give more. Gosh...why does this have to be so hard? It's times like these that I often raise the questions that will never get answered...it's times like these that I have to cling to God's promises, cling to His Word and what I know to be true, and not focus on the why's and not focus on how I feel. I by faith, have to continually place my trust in Him, regardless of how I feel. (I needed to say that twice...it helps me to beleive it even more!!) :)

Here is a precious picture of Becky with Asher

Goodness Becky....you look exactly like mom. My heart aches for her to be here to witness Becky become a wonderful mother. Just watching Becky love on Asher, hold Asher, talk to Asher, and comfort Asher made me so proud to be her sister. Becky...YOU ARE GONNA BE ONE HECK OF A MOM!!! YOU ALREADY ARE!! What a precious precious gift I received by going to Austin Texas!

CONFUSION - I feel like I have entered a new land and it's name would be CONFUSION! Location: my heart and brain! AHHHHHHHHHHH! I blame it on my trip to the Dominican Republic! I have NO IDEA what God is doing in my heart, but something is a stirrin' and it's driving me CRAZY that I'm unsure of it's nature! I still reflect on that trip...It was a weird, difficult, challenging, yet AMAZING trip. For those of you that know me, you may not believe this, but I was just not myself on that trip. I felt like I was an observer...like it was my job to just sit back and watch and take it all in...it was just a weird weird thing. I was soooo bothered and broken over some things that I saw. There were moments during the trip that I couldn't even remember scripture to save my life to encourage another believer. I felt like I was at a loss for words in every situation we were in...and y'all know I am NEVER at a loss for words. NEVER! It was like Amanda took a lil retreat inside herself and watched the trip happen from a distance. Even one of the other members of the group called me out on it. She said that I wasn't "shining" like I normally do. (???) I think that was a compliment that I quickly dismissed. I like to think that I ALWAYS glow....pastey white skin just does that naturally! (See how I use humor to thwart any compliment...even in a blog that I am writing.) Work in Progress is the title of this blog...now do u know why?!?!

Seriously though, I'm not sure what the Lord is doing in my heart...again, I am at a loss for words. I just know that I don't want to miss what He is doing, I don't want to ignore the tugging that is on my heart, I don't want to overlook the things that He desires to teach/show me. Prayerfully I will understand the confusion soon....

On a much lighter note: I WENT TO SAN ANTONIO!!!!!!! YAY! Ok....I know that it may seem really silly to get sooooo excited about that. You just don't understand! I have been a fan of David Robinson since 1989. To even think of walking on the same sidewalk as him was just sooooooo cool to me! AND NO, I AM NOT A STALKER....I just appreciate him, his ability to play ball, his character, and his heart for the Lord. IS THAT SO WRONG???? :) I had hoped that I would have a divine encounter with the admiral, but the day I was in his city, he was in Detroit for the NCAA championship game. R U KIDDING ME?!?!?!? *sigh* ok ok, I know some of you are praying for me after reading this...well my guess is that ALL of you are...THANK YOU! ha!!!! Hey, I take any prayers I can get!! ;) In allllll seriousness, stalkerish tendencies aside, it was a neat thing to be able to go there and experience a little part of the city, and enjoy a fun road trip with Becky, Peter, & lil Asher!

Picture taken at the Alamo

Asher

I'm here in Texas visiting Peter, Becky, & Asher! It has been a good time! I can't believe that I have actually been able to hold the guy in my arms!!

He is very precious!

I'm just thrilled that I have been able to come and visit and help out. I got to spend the whole morning with him while Peter worked and Becky went for a massage! (They might just ask me to come visit more often! he he he!!) I'm really looking forward to more moments that I will have in serving my sister by doing laundry, changing diapers, washing the dishes, etc. And not to mention hold the lil guy while He wiggles, and while he sleeps!