* Hello Adam Kristian * Battle * Gift *

Adam Kristian Sorensen

Well my new nephew decided to suprise us all and come about 6 weeks early!!! *hey lil guy...your aunt manda can not WAIT to meet u and hold u and love on u!!!!* He is being a champ so far for being so early. My sis is doing well too. What a blessing and answer to prayer that they are doing as well as they are. I will be headed to TX soon to help out and I am super excited about that!!!

I don't have any other fun news to share...my life here in WV remains to be fairly uneventful. I have rejoined weight watchers about 6 weeks ago. I have had many ups and downs with this area of my life yet I remain encouraged. It's amazing to me how easily I run to food to "fix" things in my life. Why is it that we run from the Lord to other things that just leave us unfulfilled and joyless? I have had some pretty hard months since returning from my trip to the DR and my weight gradually increased. It's hard/frustrating because when I was in the DR I didn't think about food. I experienced this newfound freedom that I never even had a glimpse of before and suddenly all that stayed in the DR and didn't return back to the states with me. Or did it and I am just ignoring it??

I think what it boils down to is that I have chosen to ignore the things the Lord taught me in the DR because I have fooled myself into thinking that "yummy" food will solve all my problems and the worlds. (didn't u know that Krispy Kreme doughnuts WILL bring peace to the earth!?!?!?!) It's ridiculous to place anything above the Lord in your life but I find that it is extremely easy. That makes me sad....I wanna love the Lord so much that I fight off things that try to take His place in my heart. I want to stop distraction aimed at my heart before they head my way...yet I have stopped fighting. (well I had stopped....I have picked up my sword and am ready for battle and have been fighting back for about 2 months) This is a small vicotry, but that's what life is about, right. Small victories every minute, hour, day, month, year...

I am finding that the older I get the more I understand myself and the more I love myself....for who He has made me to be. I love that I have a slow metabolism because that causes me to lean on Him for my daily choices of what I put in my mouth. It's a weakness that is constantly in front of me because I need to eat to survive. I have the joy of experienceing blessings daily as I see small victories with each choice I obey Him in. How COOL is that. I used to get angry about that, but it causes me to trust Him in a way that others miss out on. Yeah...that's cool!

I'm also beginning to enjoy being single...I mean, not that I am not wanting to get married, but I am really trying to view my singleness as the gift He has intended it to be. This is a daily challenge, but I am trusting that He will continue to show me this. I have not "arrived" but again, I am in the fight....I really want to live my life for Him and it's clear that He is asking me to be single cuz, well that's exactly where He has me. Until He chooses to change this then I am trying to trust Him in it. If He decides to not change this area, then I am trusting that He will give me all I need to not endure, but to have complete joy in the path He has designed for me. I'm not gonna lie though....I am still prayin for my prince charming! :)

That's a small update on fun news and my heart....still processing this "Plan B" book and the truths that the Lord is teaching me....more to come on that.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

i *heart*....

-March Madness!!!!!
-knowing that i can eat a ton of fruit for ZERO points on weight watchers!
-that my nephew Asher pretends to talk to "Manda" on the phone!
-that I am headed to Austin at the end of May to meet my new lil niece or nephew! (and to hang with Asher. oh and beck and pete) :)
-that my goal chart is getting A LOT of stickers added to it!
-I have the privilege and blessing to pray for all my friends across the world servin and lovin the Lord (I have a "prayer wall" that has your all's pics on it)
-I can laugh A LOT at work....my co-workers are a BLAST!
-ghetto cruiser is indeed still cruising!
-drinking a ton of water a day and feeling healthier after each wise, godly choice i make.
-girl scout cookie season has arrived!!! hellllllllloooooo thin mints!
-that I consider my big sis a close friend. (Beck, we sure have come a long way!)
-I am now paying for my internet.
-I have a savings plan in place to buy a replacement for ghetto cruiser when she decides to depart from my presence.
-the fact that the Lord is changing and transforming me continually.
-there is more daylight!!!!!
-the Biggest Loser!
-Monday nights with my gal pals at Eat n Park
-The Teodoro family!
-that I have women like Dawn Finn in my life to encourage and challenge me.
-I gots lots of friends that are a joy to do life with!
-my purple phone. it's PURPLE people, PURPLE!
-my converse sneakers!
-Scripture that continues to stir hope in me!
-answered prayers
-the group of gals on facebook that challenge me to continue to lose weight and exercise. I WILL win a weekly challenge soon!!!!
-mangos. oh my stars are they YUMMY!
-new music.
-Bruno Mars....his music makes me bust a groove!
-new organizational thingies for my cubicle at work. i LOVE organization!
-the Dominican Republic
-laughter
-frozen cokes!
-the Big Bang Theory!

Plan B....or is it??? (Part 3)

Oh Plan B.....u just sit there and act all powerful. Like u control me or something. Like u r a surprise. Like you are big, bad, and all that and a bag of chips. BUT to the Lord, you my friend, are His Plan A which is perfect!

I have been reading Plan B by Pete Wilson now for several weeks. I actually have stopped about half way through and just have been letting the thoughts stir in my lil brain....work in my lil heart....and process, chew, process, chew etc. Normally when I read a great book I just read and read until it's done cuz I get soooo excited. With what the Lord has been showing me through this book I feel it calls for more time. I am just letting the truths, scriptures, words of encouragement penetrate my heart. this is a good thing.

One of the things the Lord has been showing me is I think it's plan B. HE knows it's HIS plan A. Nothing surprises Him, nothing interferes with His plan, He is sovereign over everything, He is in complete control! He is not surprised at the circumstances in our lives, in fact He allows them all for our good and His glory!!! He uses everything for the good. He reveals Himself in the midst of pain. He bring glory to Himself by being faithful to get us through each and every "Plan B" we face! He is with us. He is guiding us. He is perfect in loving us. He chooses to be gracious. He willingly provides mercy and forgiveness. He lavishes us with healing. He gives us all we need and more to not just endure our circumstances but dance with joy in the midst of them!

Instead of me whining about my Plan B I want to choose to rejoice in the fact that it's His Plan A!

Proud Aunt Manda

On a lighter note I just have to brag on this lil guy so more. He just turned two last week...he's a lil man! He's into basketball (taking after his aunt manda & momma) Dr. Suess books, and riding a bike. like a for real bike! he's only TWO! Even though he is far away I consider it a blessing and priviledge to be his Aunt Manda.

Plan B - Part Two

"So what do you do with a shattered dream? What do you do with an unmet expectation? What do you do when your life isn't turning out the way you thought life was going to turn out? What do you do when you have to turn to plan B?"

I'll tell you what I have been doing.....

As a young and hopefully hip 31 1/2 year old my life isn't what I thought it would be. I never dreamed that I would still be single. In my mind by my mid twenties I was part of the statistics. the husband. the 2.5 kids. the minivan. the white picket fence. white shudders on 2 story home. i was living life with the man the Lord had created just for me. i even had numerous people in my life say it is just a matter of time...my prince is coming...you can believe the Lord for all those things...keep praying...be patient...put yourself out there...don't settle for something less than God's best for you.

So yeah...turns out I am a statistic all right. just so happens it's in the wrong category.

didn't. see. THAT. coming.

for all of you still wondering what I have chosen to do, well the wondering can stop. i have stewed in my anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment, bitterness, helplessness, and haven't been able to stop thinking about why me Lord, why me? I gave up. I quit fighting the good fight. Now don't get me wrong....there have been highs and lows along the way, but i definitely wouldn't get a medal or ribbon for my response to living Plan B. I have seen pockets of insight, hope, joy, and patience but overall my response has been less than pleasing to the Lord.

You know what I am coming to realize:

*all those positive things people kept telling me - yeah, so i'm not quite sure that they should have said all those things. they know the Lord's plan just as much as I do and basically that means they know nothing. Telling me to keep hoping I don't think is the right thing to say...dare I say I don't think it's the biblical thing to say. My hope...my trust...my faith needs to be in Him not in the chance of my circumstances changing. Those things, granted are nice and encouraging to hear, are not necessarily an accurate picture of what God's desire is for me. What if my prince doesn't ever come? What if he isn't just around the corner? Be patient for something that He may never choose to bless me with? BUT instead, hold fast onto Him...the author and perfector of our faith...the One who has all of my days ordained....the One who knit me together in my mothers womb...the One who says that I fearfully and wonderfully made...yes, those things I need to hold onto with everything that is in me.

Please don't hear me say that I am Debbie Downer....whawhawhawha....I am just thinking that we don't know what the Lord has for any of us and we shouldn't be in the business of making promises to people that may never get fulfilled. We shouldn't pretend to know what His plans are. And TRUST ME when I say that I have said all of those things to other gals. Plenty o' times. because in my heart of hearts I want those things for them. I want them to have their desires met in the way they want them because I want to be joyful alongside them. What I think we all fail to realize is that His best is what will give us Ultimate Joy and that we should spur each other on to know Him, to love Him, to abide in Him, not to hope for things He can give us. (Preaching to myself as I stand on this soapbox!!!!!)

whew....Part 2 has been a lil intense...

i'm tired.

i'll leave you with this: "constant contact with the Creator is essential for transformation living. If you want faith enough to live the life God's called you to live, time with God is simply a must. And that applies double when you're facing a Plan B situation." Thanks Pete Wilson for spelling out such simple truth in a very practial, matter-of-fact way.

More to come...Part 3 is on the horizon. (by the way, i have NO IDEA how many parts there are. ha!)

Plan B - Part One

Picture it....it was the summer of 1997...I was on the brink of becoming a college freshman, packing up to go to IUP. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life. exciting yes, no?!?!?! I had all these amazing ideas. i was gonna meet a lot of fun people and hopefully not only get a bachelors degree but also my mrs. yes, that's right.....my MRS! Cuz that's what happens to people in college, they meet their soul mates. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it was May 2001...I was on the brink of becoming a college graduate, packing up to head to Colorado for the summer. joining staff with Crusade. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life, after college. Again, had all these amazing ideas. meet new people, AND meet my missionary husband. Cuz that's what happens to people in ministry, they meet their match. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it was May 2005...I was on the brink of leaving staff, saying my goodbyes, ready to start working in church ministry. a fresh start. blah blah blah. Amazing ideas....blah bah blah....and this is when I was gonna meet mr right. That is where people meet the person they are meant to be with. right? RIGHT?

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Picture it....it is February 15, 2011....I am no longer working in full time ministry, figuring out the next step the Lord has for me, working in WV. and blah blah blah.....

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It's interesting looking back at my life so far....such hope in every new beginning. Such anticipation of what the Lord had in store for my future. Willingly hoping. Praying for Plan A...trusting for longings to be fulfilled...faith for the seemingly impossible...obedience to His plan...saying no when I needed to say no....choosing His best....turning down a possible marriage knowing it was His desire for me to turn it down....all the while thinking that because I had listened...tried to do right...took steps of faith....that He was gonna somehow magically answer my prayers. That somehow I deserved for Him to give me my plan A.

Well folks, God is not our geenie...He isn't our vending machine of blessings...He isn't manipulated by our obedience...HIS PLANS are already ordained for me...His plan is what will succeed even when up against our greatest abilities of manipulation and bargaining. Trust me....i have bargained with the best of them.

I haven't been a girl that I am proud to be when it comes to accepting Plan A just isn't in the cards for me. I have not be joyful in the midst of trials, I have not been thankful in the midst of withholdings, and I certainly haven't been thankful in the midst of His protection. That is incredibly sad....

Started reading a really great book this past weekend:

Excited about what I am learning......Plan B Part TWO coming tomorrow.....

It's my party and I'll cry if i want to...

so yeah, pity party 2011 went off with a bang....there were tears, angry words, more tears...did i mention the tears...sadly there were no guests, this my friends was a party for one. no decorations, no music. just tears. if i am really really honest, i would say that this party started in the fall of 2010 and has kept going and going and going....

u know, i don't wanna be THAT girl. I wanna be the girl who strives for righteousness, who willingly accepts Plan B, who graciously accepts wounds, who quickly recovers when her world is turned upside down, who doesn't keep the Kleenex company in business, who looks to her Father for comfort, understanding, grace, mercy, love, and patience.

friends, I have NOT been THAT girl. I have been the girl who has sat in her anger and frustration and let the evil one rob me of my joy. It's like he stole all my sparkle....well ok, i kinda gave it to him. I have been the girl who tosses blame, who turns her back on her Creator, who points the finger, and asks WHY me?

I can't say that the party is over, however I can say that I acknowledge that the party has gone on WAY too long, and that it's not a party I wanna host anymore. I CAN say that I don't wanna be the guest of honor anymore. I want my party to be all about Him.

Pray that I let Him change the party theme!

Asher is Awesome

This is my SUPER cute, adorable, fun, precious, giggly nephew Asher!!!

go-stay-move

where You go i'll go. where You stay i'll stay. when You move i'll move....i will follow You.

These are some lyrics of a Chris Tomlin song that I first heard when I was in the Dominican Republic this past summer. When I first heard it, I noticed the beat. Then I noticed the power in the meaning of such simple words...such simple statements...such simple ideas. It has become one of my favorite worship songs and will forever be a song that will spark memories of my 3 months I lived in the DR.

Shortly after I got back to the states, I would play this song over and over again. Claiming the words to be true of my life and heart. Thinking, Lord, if You really want me to go back to the DR to live I will go! This is what I thought the meaning of the song was....for me to be willing to serve Him in the DR. I have listened to it since and the words have taken on a new meaning to me. See before, I kept my focus on the word GO...that must mean I need to go back to the DR. Well, that may indeed be true, but I think the more important word in the song He is now showing me is stay.

Stay in this place....in my house....in my family....in my job.....but GO towards Him. Let Him penetrate my heart in a way I have never experienced before. Stay to deal with hurts and wounds so that I can receive true healing. Stay. Stay? really? For this season...for this time...for right now, I believe that following Him means staying right where I am. I believe staying is what will ultimately move me to GO where He is leading me.

I have decided to trust Him with some HUGE hurts, some DEEP wounds, to fall in love with Him all over again so that I can go and serve and follow as He leads. I have decided to run towards Him...to fall at His throne and soak up His grace, love, forgiveness, and mercy that He is longing for me to see and understand. I also believe that He is asking me to stay...lay my desire to go back to the DR at His feet, and trust that if that is where He wants me, it will come to be.

I don't know what the Lord has in store for me, my future, heck i don't even know if He will choose to give me a tomorrow. Right now, all I know is that I need to stay. Going back to the DR may be in my future....it's something that when I think about it I get excited. And if after a period of staying He calls me to GO then I will glady, joyfully, obediently GO. (is obediently a word?)

Long over due...

It's amazing to me to see how my blogging trends are indicative of the state of my heart. When all is right in the world of Amanda blogging occurs...a lot. When things in Amanda's world are "off" there is no blogging. My life has been really "off" since coming back from my trip to the DR. I guess you could say that I entered a little depressive state after I had been back for some time and I think I have just been sitting in that state. Still am, but atleast now I am aware of it and can admit it...out loud.

My weight follows a similar pattern....when things are going good, my weight decreases. When things are going not-so-good my weight goes up.

The real issue is this: the state of my heart dictates the state of everything else in my life, good or bad. If my heart isn't doing well then everything about me isn't going well and if my heart is in a good place, everything else is in a good place. Ever think about the sheer amount of verses in the Bible that have the word "heart" in them. I'm pretty sure it's because our hearts are super important. We are supposed to afterall "above all else, guard your heart...."

It's a new year....yay for 2011! I say yay, because I am ready for a fresh start, a new beginning, a clean slate...I am ready for another chance to guard what is most precious in me, to the Lord. I want 2011 to be the year that I actively, intentionally, and purposely guard my heart.