~Quote~

I have been reading "Voices of the Faithful" lately. It's a collection of stories from Christians all over the world. I'm sure many of you own it and have read it. There was a quote that I read several weeks ago that the Lord has been reminding me of lately: "As we prayed God did not bring immediate freedom from pain. Instead, the pain became the path by which He drew near." It later reads: "His power transforms us, resulting in a greater change than merely removing unpleasant experiences." ~Whoa!

I absolutely LOVE this quote and the godly perspective woven through the words. As I think back on times in my life that have been super difficult, it hasn't been about Him removing the circumstancs, but rather what He does in me during the circumstances. I'm sure we all have hurts, wounds, scars from circumstances we have found ourselves in. I'm sure that many times we have cried out for the Lord to rid us of the hurt and pain, wondering if He hears us, hoping for Him to show up in the midst of the pain and miraculously change the circumstance so we are left with peace, joy, and relief.

But what if He doesn't? Then what? Do we sit in the pain? Do we then travel a path of unbelief and question? Do we let anger take residence in our heart? Do we isolate ourselves from the people in our lives that love us and care for us? Does this sound familiar to anyone other than me??

Sadly, I have traveled the road mentioned above...the road that leads to ultimate disappointment. The road that leads to frustration. And sadly sometimes that is my first reaction when circumstances don't turn out to be as I had hoped. The road the Lord desires for us all is to trust Him in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the storm, in the midst of the worst possible circumstance we could ever imagine ourselves in. The road He desires for us is filled with love, compassion, grace, mercy, kindness, faithfullness, and strength. It's a road that leads us into a deeper walk with Him. A road that leads us to His Son and transforms us and molds us into His likeness. This my friends is the only road I want to be on.

Beth Moore in one of her Bible Studies says: "We are always interested in God changing our circumstances, but He is interested in changing us." If you find yourself at a crossroads....wanting to head down the road that leads to anger instead of the road that leads to the Son...your circumstances are not what you want....the pain is too much...your hope is diminishing by each tear....know that He is using it all. He is teaching you in the midst of the pain. He is being glorified in the pain. He will transform you and will use the pain for good.

I know that the process is messy and hard, but hold on strong to the promises found in His Word....He is in COMPLETE control and nothing that happens suprises Him. He will give you all you need to have joy in the midst of the pain. Hold onto Him. Trust Him even when you can't understand how. Believe Him for the healing. He won't fail you. AND He will change you.

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed..........Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 16-18

Weight Loss Journey???

I added a weight loss tracker to my blog today....but I feel like that is not a true depiction of what I want to track on this journey the Lord has me on. Yes I want to track my weight loss but I also want to track the state of my heart. (they don't make trackers for that) :) As my heart changes there are bound to be physical changes but the heart changes are what really matter. I desperately want my body to be the temple He created it to be. I want to make decisions in His strength that bring honor and glory to Him. I don't want to destroy what He has graciously given me. I want to serve Him to the best that I can and my weight has a definite effect on my ability to do so. A verse that the Lord first showed me in the Dominican has been one that I have clung to recently:

Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. - Romans: 14:20

I am on this journey with the Lord and I am experiencing such joy and peace from Him. He is showing me that through Him I can conquer this area of my life. That I can get up every day and lean on Him for wisdom in choices I make regarding food. This is such a neat thing and I am excited for all that He has shown me and will show me as I continue to seek Him.

This journey definitely is hard....I had my weigh-in tonight and was SUPER excited to step on the scale....but then the results were spoken and my heart sank. I only lost .5 pounds....and this has been the same results I have experienced the past 3 weeks. It has taken three weeks for me to lose 1.5 pounds. Do you know how FRUSTRATING that is?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? As soon as my leader told me what I had lost I quickly said "Are you KIDDING me?" I told her that I feel like I am stuck and not sure how to fix it...that I have been following the weight watchers program and am perplexed as to why I can't seem to lose more each week. I left the meeting pretty discouraged, but on my way home in my car I felt like the Lord say that He was proud of me. That He was so excited that I had another week where I looked to Him for what to eat. He whispered to me that I am on His journey He is leading me on and that is what matters.

I feel like I can so easily lose sight of Him on this journey. I can so easily forget that this journey will be the rest of my life and all He is asking me to do is take one decision at a time....leaning on Him, trusting Him to guide and direct me....and I have to trust that He is in complete control. I am so thankful that He reminded me tonight that it's about Him, not about the scale.

The tracker will be a fun way for me to visually see the changes He is making in me....I'm excited to see all the suprises He has on the bumpy and exciting ride ahead!

Fun things

This week was a week of things. What fun things, you ask. Welllllll lemme tell ya since u asked so nicely ;)

-Monday night with my gal pals Ang and Kristin. There is just something fun about sitting at Panera chatting with these women about life, food, family, hearts, etc. I really look forward to my Mondays with my gal pals.

-Thursday night dinner with my dear friends Kristen and Anthony. I just love these two. Who knew that over 6 years ago I would meet my neighbors and develop a fun friendship with two awesome people! They are a hoot and make me laugh everytime I see them!!!

-Far Out Friday!!!! Me and another girl in my office (Val) planned a 70's theme work party. It was super fun to see people dress up and bring food so we could have a slammin' salad bar and a far out time playin 70's Bingo! Fun prize give-aways, yummy food, lots of laughter, and funkadelic music made for a great office party!!! I personally think we should be the office party planning committee....yeah, Val and I were THAT good! ;)

-Saturday morning breakfast with Danielle!!! Danielle is a gal I had the pleasure of meeting 3 yrs ago when we were both in Jason & Jeanette's wedding. We became friends quick and can always have a good time catching up. It doesn't matter how many months go by between visits, we chat it up like we just saw each other. It's fun to learn all about what the Lord has been doing in her life and she is just a joy to spend time with. If I have one complaint it's that we waited sooooo long to catch up.....let's get together soon friend!!! love ya!

-Saturday night.....It's Final Four Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE me some basketball!!!! March Madness is my favorite time of year. I'm cheering for either VCU or Butler to win it all!!! The only thing that is sad is that in just 2 short days basketball will be over and I have to wait another year for the fun to come back.

-My new nephew, Adam Kristian, got to leave the hospital on Thursday!!!! That is awesome considering he decided he wanted to join us about 6 weeks early. He is doing great, Reba and the gang are doing great! Can't wait to see him soon!

What a super fun week of connecting with people I love, seeing God move in HUGE ways, and enjoying the time He has chosen to bless me with. Hoping that this week has more fun in store!

* Hello Adam Kristian * Battle * Gift *

Adam Kristian Sorensen

Well my new nephew decided to suprise us all and come about 6 weeks early!!! *hey lil guy...your aunt manda can not WAIT to meet u and hold u and love on u!!!!* He is being a champ so far for being so early. My sis is doing well too. What a blessing and answer to prayer that they are doing as well as they are. I will be headed to TX soon to help out and I am super excited about that!!!

I don't have any other fun news to share...my life here in WV remains to be fairly uneventful. I have rejoined weight watchers about 6 weeks ago. I have had many ups and downs with this area of my life yet I remain encouraged. It's amazing to me how easily I run to food to "fix" things in my life. Why is it that we run from the Lord to other things that just leave us unfulfilled and joyless? I have had some pretty hard months since returning from my trip to the DR and my weight gradually increased. It's hard/frustrating because when I was in the DR I didn't think about food. I experienced this newfound freedom that I never even had a glimpse of before and suddenly all that stayed in the DR and didn't return back to the states with me. Or did it and I am just ignoring it??

I think what it boils down to is that I have chosen to ignore the things the Lord taught me in the DR because I have fooled myself into thinking that "yummy" food will solve all my problems and the worlds. (didn't u know that Krispy Kreme doughnuts WILL bring peace to the earth!?!?!?!) It's ridiculous to place anything above the Lord in your life but I find that it is extremely easy. That makes me sad....I wanna love the Lord so much that I fight off things that try to take His place in my heart. I want to stop distraction aimed at my heart before they head my way...yet I have stopped fighting. (well I had stopped....I have picked up my sword and am ready for battle and have been fighting back for about 2 months) This is a small vicotry, but that's what life is about, right. Small victories every minute, hour, day, month, year...

I am finding that the older I get the more I understand myself and the more I love myself....for who He has made me to be. I love that I have a slow metabolism because that causes me to lean on Him for my daily choices of what I put in my mouth. It's a weakness that is constantly in front of me because I need to eat to survive. I have the joy of experienceing blessings daily as I see small victories with each choice I obey Him in. How COOL is that. I used to get angry about that, but it causes me to trust Him in a way that others miss out on. Yeah...that's cool!

I'm also beginning to enjoy being single...I mean, not that I am not wanting to get married, but I am really trying to view my singleness as the gift He has intended it to be. This is a daily challenge, but I am trusting that He will continue to show me this. I have not "arrived" but again, I am in the fight....I really want to live my life for Him and it's clear that He is asking me to be single cuz, well that's exactly where He has me. Until He chooses to change this then I am trying to trust Him in it. If He decides to not change this area, then I am trusting that He will give me all I need to not endure, but to have complete joy in the path He has designed for me. I'm not gonna lie though....I am still prayin for my prince charming! :)

That's a small update on fun news and my heart....still processing this "Plan B" book and the truths that the Lord is teaching me....more to come on that.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

i *heart*....

-March Madness!!!!!
-knowing that i can eat a ton of fruit for ZERO points on weight watchers!
-that my nephew Asher pretends to talk to "Manda" on the phone!
-that I am headed to Austin at the end of May to meet my new lil niece or nephew! (and to hang with Asher. oh and beck and pete) :)
-that my goal chart is getting A LOT of stickers added to it!
-I have the privilege and blessing to pray for all my friends across the world servin and lovin the Lord (I have a "prayer wall" that has your all's pics on it)
-I can laugh A LOT at work....my co-workers are a BLAST!
-ghetto cruiser is indeed still cruising!
-drinking a ton of water a day and feeling healthier after each wise, godly choice i make.
-girl scout cookie season has arrived!!! hellllllllloooooo thin mints!
-that I consider my big sis a close friend. (Beck, we sure have come a long way!)
-I am now paying for my internet.
-I have a savings plan in place to buy a replacement for ghetto cruiser when she decides to depart from my presence.
-the fact that the Lord is changing and transforming me continually.
-there is more daylight!!!!!
-the Biggest Loser!
-Monday nights with my gal pals at Eat n Park
-The Teodoro family!
-that I have women like Dawn Finn in my life to encourage and challenge me.
-I gots lots of friends that are a joy to do life with!
-my purple phone. it's PURPLE people, PURPLE!
-my converse sneakers!
-Scripture that continues to stir hope in me!
-answered prayers
-the group of gals on facebook that challenge me to continue to lose weight and exercise. I WILL win a weekly challenge soon!!!!
-mangos. oh my stars are they YUMMY!
-new music.
-Bruno Mars....his music makes me bust a groove!
-new organizational thingies for my cubicle at work. i LOVE organization!
-the Dominican Republic
-laughter
-frozen cokes!
-the Big Bang Theory!

Plan B....or is it??? (Part 3)

Oh Plan B.....u just sit there and act all powerful. Like u control me or something. Like u r a surprise. Like you are big, bad, and all that and a bag of chips. BUT to the Lord, you my friend, are His Plan A which is perfect!

I have been reading Plan B by Pete Wilson now for several weeks. I actually have stopped about half way through and just have been letting the thoughts stir in my lil brain....work in my lil heart....and process, chew, process, chew etc. Normally when I read a great book I just read and read until it's done cuz I get soooo excited. With what the Lord has been showing me through this book I feel it calls for more time. I am just letting the truths, scriptures, words of encouragement penetrate my heart. this is a good thing.

One of the things the Lord has been showing me is I think it's plan B. HE knows it's HIS plan A. Nothing surprises Him, nothing interferes with His plan, He is sovereign over everything, He is in complete control! He is not surprised at the circumstances in our lives, in fact He allows them all for our good and His glory!!! He uses everything for the good. He reveals Himself in the midst of pain. He bring glory to Himself by being faithful to get us through each and every "Plan B" we face! He is with us. He is guiding us. He is perfect in loving us. He chooses to be gracious. He willingly provides mercy and forgiveness. He lavishes us with healing. He gives us all we need and more to not just endure our circumstances but dance with joy in the midst of them!

Instead of me whining about my Plan B I want to choose to rejoice in the fact that it's His Plan A!

Proud Aunt Manda

On a lighter note I just have to brag on this lil guy so more. He just turned two last week...he's a lil man! He's into basketball (taking after his aunt manda & momma) Dr. Suess books, and riding a bike. like a for real bike! he's only TWO! Even though he is far away I consider it a blessing and priviledge to be his Aunt Manda.

Plan B - Part Two

"So what do you do with a shattered dream? What do you do with an unmet expectation? What do you do when your life isn't turning out the way you thought life was going to turn out? What do you do when you have to turn to plan B?"

I'll tell you what I have been doing.....

As a young and hopefully hip 31 1/2 year old my life isn't what I thought it would be. I never dreamed that I would still be single. In my mind by my mid twenties I was part of the statistics. the husband. the 2.5 kids. the minivan. the white picket fence. white shudders on 2 story home. i was living life with the man the Lord had created just for me. i even had numerous people in my life say it is just a matter of time...my prince is coming...you can believe the Lord for all those things...keep praying...be patient...put yourself out there...don't settle for something less than God's best for you.

So yeah...turns out I am a statistic all right. just so happens it's in the wrong category.

didn't. see. THAT. coming.

for all of you still wondering what I have chosen to do, well the wondering can stop. i have stewed in my anger, frustration, disappointment, resentment, bitterness, helplessness, and haven't been able to stop thinking about why me Lord, why me? I gave up. I quit fighting the good fight. Now don't get me wrong....there have been highs and lows along the way, but i definitely wouldn't get a medal or ribbon for my response to living Plan B. I have seen pockets of insight, hope, joy, and patience but overall my response has been less than pleasing to the Lord.

You know what I am coming to realize:

*all those positive things people kept telling me - yeah, so i'm not quite sure that they should have said all those things. they know the Lord's plan just as much as I do and basically that means they know nothing. Telling me to keep hoping I don't think is the right thing to say...dare I say I don't think it's the biblical thing to say. My hope...my trust...my faith needs to be in Him not in the chance of my circumstances changing. Those things, granted are nice and encouraging to hear, are not necessarily an accurate picture of what God's desire is for me. What if my prince doesn't ever come? What if he isn't just around the corner? Be patient for something that He may never choose to bless me with? BUT instead, hold fast onto Him...the author and perfector of our faith...the One who has all of my days ordained....the One who knit me together in my mothers womb...the One who says that I fearfully and wonderfully made...yes, those things I need to hold onto with everything that is in me.

Please don't hear me say that I am Debbie Downer....whawhawhawha....I am just thinking that we don't know what the Lord has for any of us and we shouldn't be in the business of making promises to people that may never get fulfilled. We shouldn't pretend to know what His plans are. And TRUST ME when I say that I have said all of those things to other gals. Plenty o' times. because in my heart of hearts I want those things for them. I want them to have their desires met in the way they want them because I want to be joyful alongside them. What I think we all fail to realize is that His best is what will give us Ultimate Joy and that we should spur each other on to know Him, to love Him, to abide in Him, not to hope for things He can give us. (Preaching to myself as I stand on this soapbox!!!!!)

whew....Part 2 has been a lil intense...

i'm tired.

i'll leave you with this: "constant contact with the Creator is essential for transformation living. If you want faith enough to live the life God's called you to live, time with God is simply a must. And that applies double when you're facing a Plan B situation." Thanks Pete Wilson for spelling out such simple truth in a very practial, matter-of-fact way.

More to come...Part 3 is on the horizon. (by the way, i have NO IDEA how many parts there are. ha!)

Plan B - Part One

Picture it....it was the summer of 1997...I was on the brink of becoming a college freshman, packing up to go to IUP. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life. exciting yes, no?!?!?! I had all these amazing ideas. i was gonna meet a lot of fun people and hopefully not only get a bachelors degree but also my mrs. yes, that's right.....my MRS! Cuz that's what happens to people in college, they meet their soul mates. right? RIGHT?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picture it....it was May 2001...I was on the brink of becoming a college graduate, packing up to head to Colorado for the summer. joining staff with Crusade. a fresh start. a new beginning. the first day of the rest of my life, after college. Again, had all these amazing ideas. meet new people, AND meet my missionary husband. Cuz that's what happens to people in ministry, they meet their match. right? RIGHT?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picture it....it was May 2005...I was on the brink of leaving staff, saying my goodbyes, ready to start working in church ministry. a fresh start. blah blah blah. Amazing ideas....blah bah blah....and this is when I was gonna meet mr right. That is where people meet the person they are meant to be with. right? RIGHT?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picture it....it is February 15, 2011....I am no longer working in full time ministry, figuring out the next step the Lord has for me, working in WV. and blah blah blah.....

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's interesting looking back at my life so far....such hope in every new beginning. Such anticipation of what the Lord had in store for my future. Willingly hoping. Praying for Plan A...trusting for longings to be fulfilled...faith for the seemingly impossible...obedience to His plan...saying no when I needed to say no....choosing His best....turning down a possible marriage knowing it was His desire for me to turn it down....all the while thinking that because I had listened...tried to do right...took steps of faith....that He was gonna somehow magically answer my prayers. That somehow I deserved for Him to give me my plan A.

Well folks, God is not our geenie...He isn't our vending machine of blessings...He isn't manipulated by our obedience...HIS PLANS are already ordained for me...His plan is what will succeed even when up against our greatest abilities of manipulation and bargaining. Trust me....i have bargained with the best of them.

I haven't been a girl that I am proud to be when it comes to accepting Plan A just isn't in the cards for me. I have not be joyful in the midst of trials, I have not been thankful in the midst of withholdings, and I certainly haven't been thankful in the midst of His protection. That is incredibly sad....

Started reading a really great book this past weekend:

Excited about what I am learning......Plan B Part TWO coming tomorrow.....

It's my party and I'll cry if i want to...

so yeah, pity party 2011 went off with a bang....there were tears, angry words, more tears...did i mention the tears...sadly there were no guests, this my friends was a party for one. no decorations, no music. just tears. if i am really really honest, i would say that this party started in the fall of 2010 and has kept going and going and going....

u know, i don't wanna be THAT girl. I wanna be the girl who strives for righteousness, who willingly accepts Plan B, who graciously accepts wounds, who quickly recovers when her world is turned upside down, who doesn't keep the Kleenex company in business, who looks to her Father for comfort, understanding, grace, mercy, love, and patience.

friends, I have NOT been THAT girl. I have been the girl who has sat in her anger and frustration and let the evil one rob me of my joy. It's like he stole all my sparkle....well ok, i kinda gave it to him. I have been the girl who tosses blame, who turns her back on her Creator, who points the finger, and asks WHY me?

I can't say that the party is over, however I can say that I acknowledge that the party has gone on WAY too long, and that it's not a party I wanna host anymore. I CAN say that I don't wanna be the guest of honor anymore. I want my party to be all about Him.

Pray that I let Him change the party theme!