Godmother Plug - has a very nice ring to it!

I have been asked by my dear dear friends Liz and Nathaniel aka Moonlight and Roses to be the God Mother of their lil nija Toby and I couldn't be more excited. What a blessing!!! When asking my big sis what a God Mother's duties entail this was her response: "Well you give them lil things everytime u see them for no apparent reason." and if i want to be cool like her then I could be considered his FAIRY GODMOTHER. ummmmmm, thanks Reba. I think I'll just google it instead! ;)

Thanks Liz and Moonlight for this privilege...can't wait to meet my lil ninja!

Hey Lil Man....I know u r in there!!!!!!!

I'm a PROUD Aunt!

Some Sweater-Vest Action

Do you think he got any in his belly?

C-U-T-E

Told ya I'd be back with more...

Soooo about this whole earth shattering way that I view food and exercise...

This has been a long time coming actually. I believe that for the past year the Lord has been stripping lies and falsehoods from my heart and brain when it comes to how I view food. It's been a struggle to see the truth in the midst of such "logical" falsehoods...things like, you need to look after yourself first. you need to take care of you. you can and should be selfish and make changes for you. you should count calories. you should make sure that u monitor each and every thing u do for exercise and write down every morsel of food you consume. seem logical right?

well, i have been hammered with some truths that definitely counteract all those things. and please if you disagree show me some verses in the Bible where it tells you to be selfish, to put yourself above others, etc etc. You won't find any.

SO basically I have been reading a Biblically based book along with praying and reading the Word to see what the good Lord says about food and exercise. I HAVE BEEN BLOWN AWAY!!!

Basically I have learned that my body was made in such an intricate way that the Lord designed my body to know how much it needs for food and exercise. Stay with me. I need to trust Him to have my body communicate with me so that I know when I am hungry and when I am satisfied. Because He is perfect in all He does I can trust in Him to use the very thing He created to guage what and how much I eat. So what that means is I don't write anything down, I don't count points *gasp*, I don't weigh anything, and i most certainly do not get CONTROLLED by any longer to the very thing I need to live and exist.

See when I was doing WW, yes, He used that to teach me things about eating, but when it all said and done, WW is not the Bible. I was still in control though using the parameters of WW, but I was placing my trust and hope in a program not my creator.

make sense?

it does to me.

Shocking, I know!

i decided to do something completely earth shattering in my life regarding exercise and eating....R U READY?????...R U SURE....it's gonna BLOW YOUR MIND!!!!!!

ok, here goes nothing....

i have decided to exercise daily......i know, CRAZZZZZZY...and wait, it's about to get absolutley loooooony...I'm gonna eat when I'm hungry and stop when I am satisfied.

whew....have u had time to recover yet???

i'll give u time. more to come tomorrow...

:)

a lil vulnerability...

*sigh*

so the past week or so I have been catching up on my friends lives by reading blog posts, checking out photo albums on facebook, looking at the many status updates, e-mails, etc.etc. There has been a common theme in my response...

*sigh*

my response has been disappointment and frustration and a lot of sadness. it stinks that my heart is soooo wicked and it stinks that i have thoughts and feelings towards those i love. i look at the many pics of my friends and their special someone and then move on to the pics of their beautiful kiddos...this is where the battle in my heart begins. I sooo desperately want to be joyful for them. I want to leave fun comments about how fun it is that they went here and there with so and so and that their lil one is growing and changing and looking cute as ever, and then i even try to rejoice with all the new babies being born...there are MANY...but I often leave my internet updates very discouraged and angry. I HATE THAT!!!!

Seee, all of you out there have what my heart longs for the most in this life. I desire to love and serve alongside that special someone, i long to change diapers and rock a lil one that i helped create to sleep...but alas, i am left to come home to an empty cold house like i have done for now over 30 years.

Even as I admit this, I know I will get responses like "God's timing is perfect" and "don't waste your singleness, it's a gift" and I KNOW I will get "Changing diapers is hard and not always fun" blah blah blah....I know that there is truth in all of those and the many more statements I have heard many many times, yet the ache is my heart has not lessened. I know that marriage and having children is the most difficult tasks we receive on this earth, but I also can see in the many examples in front of my face how much they are a blessing too.

I don't know...I'm just frustrated at not having what I feel like I was made for...frustrated that "everyone else" has it and doesn't always appreciate it...frustrated frustrated frustrated at myself because I don't trust the Lord in these areas of my life...frustrated that I can't always 100% rejoice with my dear sisters who have the things I long for. (even if they are currently getting karate chopped on their bladder!) i'm just frustrated that I am frustrated....

*sigh*

in my mind there is no end in sight...

How CUTE is he?!?!?!?!?!

I couldn't resist....

Asher

I know i am a lil biased, but seriously people....u just don't get any cuter than this!

i'm baaaaaack....

whoa nelly....i haven't blogged since september. where have i been from the world of blogging?? I don't even know if I know the answer to that question. Welp, here some tidbits about yours truly that should catch you up to speed.

*started a new j-o-b. I laugh A LOT when I am there, so that makes the days pretty enjoyable. I actually have been really blessed with the position I have and have met some pretty hip people.

*went to the Dominican Republic over Thanksgiving to continue working on the feeding center that Crossroads Church has committed to build in Batey Cuchillo. It was an awesome trip. I love that I feel like the Dominicans are my family and I theirs. What a blessing and privilege it was loving and serving them over a difficult holiday season.

*November 24th marked the 5 yr. anniversary of my mothers death. The Lord reminded me of some precious truths that day while I was in the Dominican. He has given me several opportunities on days that remind me of my mom to look outwards instead of sulk in my grief and sadness. I desire to honor my mom on those days and serve others. What a cool gift that was to learn that in a deeper way!!!

*Christmas in PA was fun. Always a j-o-y to see family!

*This winter has been super dreadful...I can't ever remember a winter quite like this one in such a long time. Certainly not since I moved to WV. Snow Snow Snow....I'm very much looking forward to spring!!!

*Made a surprise visit to see Becky, Peter and Asher for his 1st Birthday Party!!!! How fun to see my sister shocked that I was in TX and what a joy it was to have some Aunt Manda and Asher time. I need more of that.....

AND some BIG BIG BIG changes will be happening in the next few months....more to come, more. to. come.

Welp, that has been my life in a nutshell...more blogs on a regular basis will happen.

i did it, i REALLY did it....

welp, i finally finished my application for the internship to the Dominican. AND i sent it in!!!!!! Time will tell...I should hear from them in another week or two for an interview. THEN I'll just wait and see what the Lord has in store. It's funny...everyone keeps telling me that I am in such a fun, exciting place. that I have my WHOLE life in front of me. that they are soooo excited to see what the Lord's plan is. It's like they are having sooo much joy in my circumstances. I wish that I was feeling the same way. I am scared OUT MY MIND! I am wishing that I was married and had kids so my life would be settled and decided. I'm so tired of making decisions. I'm just ready for something other than the single life. (i know...i know....if i ever do get married and have kids i will be reminded of this blog several times by y'all!) It just seems like I go in one direction after another only to find out that it's not the best fit. WHEN will I ever find the right fit???? I want so desperately to serve Him in all that I do...but I want to do so exactly where HE desires....ugh!

enough of my whining....

onto better news:

I finally did it...I completed my first 5K. Now, don't get me wrong when I say completed I mean, 1. I finished before dying. 2. I did it within 24 hours. 3. I did have to run/walk it. 4. but I did indeed cross that stupid finish line!

I had so much support in this goal and am sooo thankful for everyone who cheered me on in my training and at the race. And I seriously couldn't have done it without the Lord. He is the center of thislifechange that I have been experiencing and He is what continue to drive and motivate me! I can do ALL things through Him who strengthens me. Even complete a 5k!

AND i am officially OLD. yes folks, I turned the BIG 30 a few weeks ago. It's all downhill I guess! ;) Jusssssssssst kidding!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

OK, the moment i have been waiting for has come and I'm frieking out a lil....hence the title of this post. :)

I just got the internship application for G.O. Ministries....that mean i have to fill it out....that means I have to pursue this path....that means i have to take a step into the unknown....that means i have to take this grip i have on my life off....that means i have to surrender....that means that this could change my life.....

NOW do u understand why I am a lil frieked out????

please pray for me as I take this next step in this faith journey the Lord has me on. If I get accepted, that means I go to the DR. (scary option #1) If I don't get accepted that means I probably leave WV. (scary option #2) ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

please pray. the end.

Have you Ever Wondered....

who puts together the items you order from an online purchase?

Well folks, I no longer wonder who together the orders from AACE International 's online orders...cuzzzzz it's me!

yesssss, it's true...I am a customer service representative for AACE International. I package things, UPS things, put cd cases together, print labels, sorth the mail, answer the phone, and route the incoming calls, and occasionally get drinks from the water cooler. AND i sit in a cubicle! I feel like my life is like an episode of the office except it isn't nearly as funny...atleast not yet!

To be honest, when I think of where my life is right now, I don't like it. BUT I am trying to look at all the positives of a less than ideal situation. Here they are: I have a job and didn't miss ONE day of work in the transition period. (have u all been paying attention to the news reports that daily descibe how the unemployment rate keeps getting higher across the nation???) Eventhough I am not entirely crazy about my job, the Lord has provided me with one! That's amazing!!!!! When I think about that, I think how incredibly blessed I truly am to even have employment! Another positive is that I now have medical insurance. WAAWHOOO!!! And that means I can get my wisdom teeth removed AND a new pair of glasses! (My current pair of glasses have been super glued 6 times now!) Another blessing!

And there is still that hope that the people in my office will gradually morph into the characters on the show 'the office' and then i would be THRILLED!!!!! :)

Until then, I will proudly answer the phone and packages Cost Estimating materials because I know that the Lord has me where He wants me and I can rest in that, and in that alone! Like I have been saying, I am on an AMAZING journey with twists, turns, and surprises and I am ready for what's next! I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store during this season of my life and the many more seasons coming up ahead!