back. numb. food. decision.

I have been back in the states for over 3 weeks now. Sure doesn't seem like that is possible. I am having an interesting time of transitioning back to "normal". There have moments where I have hated being in America, or when I am numb to just about every feeling/emotion, and even moments of joy. (ok, to be honest most of the joy has been when I have remembered something that happened when I was in the DR and I jump at the chance to share it with someone, anyone who is within hearing distance and breathing.)

It's hard to put into words just what spending 3 months in the Dominican has done to me, my life, my heart, my future. Even now being back for a Hott Minute, it's still pretty difficult to articulate anything about my experience. This is a very new thing for me to experience. I would describe it as a weird numbness...i dunno. maybe, hopefully one day soon I will get out of the fog I am residing in to allow others to know what my time was like in a way that a human can understand. (me shaking my head and mumbling doesn't quite give an accurate picture of the state of my heart!)

I wanted to share something pretty sweet that happened while I was away. though. so. here. i. go.

You all know how my struggle with food has been ALL my life...and I mean like even when I was in the womb ALL. It's like the idea of food, the ability to "control" what I eat and don't eat has loomed over me like a rain cloud over Eeyore...you know, like when He can't get away from it, he doesn't have a home to hide in, and his tail is missing. That's kinda how I have felt ALL my life. While in the DR I was not controlled by food. Heck, I didn't even really think much about it. I ate what I was given, ate only until I was satisified, didn't snack much at all, and ate plenty of fruits and veggies. (Some may say, oh Amanda...you must have not enjoyed Dominican food and that's why you lost so much weight...on the contrary my friends! The cooks are FANTASTIC and put most everbody I know to shame. They gots skillz yo!)

IT WAS AMAZING! (not just the food but the freedom I experienced)

It was a sweet surprise from the Lord...spending 13 weeks out from under the bondage of this nasty thing...oh the freedom! An encouraging verse that I came across during one of my last weeks in the DR was this: "Do not destoy the work of God for the sake of food" - Romans 14:20 Oh the nuggests of truth, the amount of applicable things to take from such a simply stated verse. No amount of any sugary goodness can compete with the work of God!!!!!! I have said before (this was actually something the Lord taught me on my first trip to the DR) that I can't do what He is asking me to do if I am at an unhealthy weight....right now I am hindering the work of God because I have given into the "cravings" of my sinful nature....and these happen to be food cravings. (get it...cravings....oh i crack myself up!)

In all seriousness though....just think about the implications of that verse...there are sooooooo many ways you can apply it....I would love to know your thoughts about what you believe that verse is saying to you, so by all means, please share!

ANYWAY....I could type for days about what I have seen the Lord do in my heart in this area so I think I will apare you and stop for now.

On a more intense note: I decided to wait to make a decision about my future....go back to the DR fulltime or stay in the states, in 6-8 weeks after my return. I want to be sure that I am hearing from Him and not making an emotional decision. (me emotional? ha! All of you that know me know that it is wise for me to wait, so I am) I am praying, reading His Word, reflecting on my experience, and seeking wise counsel. No matter where He leads me I know that I know that I know He is right there with me, ready to love me, challenge me, stretch me, mold me, and provide for me in the place He is leading me to. What an amazing thing to know that, to believe in it, and to trust in it!