A lil Motivation

It's funny to think back a few months ago at an event that has changed my life in a drastic way. And what I am about to tell u may seem silly, but it is really the reason that things in my life have been changing.

picture it: I am in the Dominican on a mission trip. We are at the construction site of the feeding center we went over to build and we were told that there were some baptisms happening and that we were gonna go to witness them. Pretty cool huh! BUT WAIT...how are we gonna get there u ask. Good Question. Normally we went on a mini-bus type thing because of the size of group we had. It was like any normal vehicle u and i have been in. One problem. The mini-bus thingy isn't going to pick us up to take us to the site of the baptism because it is already at our destination. Sooooo...that means that we all have to hop on a water truck to get to the baptisms. Doesn't sound bad does it? Well not to a personal of normal weight and mobility. Which by the way did not describe me at that particular time in my life.

So as I am eyeing up the water truck that we were going to have to "hop" on, my heart sank. I subtly tried to figure out how in the world I would get my big fat caboose on this thing. After several minutes of debating this in my head I came to the realization that I would be staying overnight at the construction site cuz there was NO WAY I was gonna physically be able to get on this thing. And I was not about to ask for help either. (Toooooo embarassing!) THEN, I hear murmors of them putting the kiddos in the front of the truck. That's it, i thought...i'll hang with the kids. (there was a step on that part of the truck, so not difficult to get into. It was then that I heard angels singing.....ok maybe not, but that was opportunity to not look like a complete cow of a woman. Sooooo like the servant I am, ha!, I graciously offer to be with the kids in the front. That was the moment I realized that I have a serious problem....

I don't know how to explain it, but it was such a hindering feeling those few minutes I internally debated about how I was going to hoist myself onto the water truck. It was that moment that I will never forget. That was the moment when I realized on a whole new level just how much my health and my weight keep me from living. I have said this before, but I feel like I am trapped in a shell of a person that isn't really me. Because of my weight I hesitate to try new things, I am constantly wondering if I will fit here or there, or if someone will notice this constant debate I have in all social situations, wondering if my size will somehow affect me in anyway. THIS my friends is NOT living.

I also came to the conclusion that my weight can keep me from doing things the Lord is calling me to do. (side note: I almost didn't go to the Dominican because I was ashamed of my weight and I knew that it would negatively affect me on that trip) Instead of the Lord controlling this part of my life, this part of my life has controlled me for too many years. It's not just about how I look, it's about the type of life I have because of my weight...it is not a life I would wish on anyone!

Because of that moment in the DR, because of the Lord gripping my heart with His truth, and because I don't want to live the type of life I have been living this area of my life has changed dramatically! Praise the Lord! I have now lost 30.5 pounds and am THRILLED! I have also been changed in my heart and mind, and that is stinking awesome because that means the physical change is just a result of the heart and mind changes! That means it will stick this time....it's not about getting to a smaller size (although that is FUN!), it's not about being viewed as pretty, it's about glorifying the Lord with my body that belongs to Him. It's about being available to live the life He desires for me.

One more thing: I decided as a way to keep motivated and excited about this journey, I would "reward" myself for every 10 pounds I lose. Soooo, here is a pic of my first 2 rewards.

The necklace charm has my initial on it and the ring says "Nothing is impossible". This necklace is a constant reminder of the journey I am on...With Him, I can do anything and everything. Nothing is impossible! I'll be sure to post a pic of my next "reward" :)

the perfect storm, AGAIN. ~ 27.5, WHAT??

the perfect storm

nov. 24, 2004 was the beginning of 3 very hard years in the life of amanda. what began with the loss of a mother, turned into a time in my life where loss was a popular theme. It also began a faith journey like none other for me. I began to ask the Lord tough questions that I have yet to find answers to. let's say that my perfect storm was not enjoyable and i never wanted to repeat it or have anything like that happen again....well, apparently we don't always get what we want. (duh amanda)

about a month ago, all the pieces were in place for the perfect storm to return and park itself right over me with no end in sight. I can't explain it...i don't understand it...i hate it...i am wondering why it's back...

in the midst of this storm i find myself in, i am holding on by a thread to the truths that the Lord soooo lovingly gave me in the midst of the initial storm. i fear that as i struggle to hold on, that my strength will fail me. guess it's a GREAT thing that His strength is what matters. it's His strength that will keep me in the fight. it's His strength that will get me out of this storm as a changed woman. so in the meantime, i am holding on for dear life praying that the storm will end but trusting that He has BIG things for me to learn and grow in.

27.5 pounds gone, WHAT??????

For reasons that can only come from the Lord I am getting smaller and smaller as the weeks go on. It's crazy!! I have been shocked...

at the results of my hard work. BUT I know that it's not me who is getting through each day making the right desisions for my body. Someway, somehow He has gripped my heart and has begun this change inside of me that is being reflected on the outside. I can't even begin to explain it. BUT I LOVE IT! Lately I have been tempted to pick up that tasty treat to bandage wounds, but before I can even go beyond the thought of eating, the WORD comes flooding into my brain and my heart and it allows me to see that that tasty treat is just that. it's just food, not a bandaid.

1/2 Marathon...22...James...Ranch

whew...lots and lots going on lately. Where shall I start? I guess at the 1/2 marathon. and NO WAY am I talking about myself, just so ya know! Last weekend I got to be at the finish line while my friend Jeanette completed her first 1/2 marathon! It was soooooo exciting! Here is a pic of her crossing the finish line like a CHAMP:

I am sooooooooo PROUD of her. She set a goal to do something she had never done before and she did it! I was literally crying as she crossed the finish line. What a cool thing to be a part of in her life!!!!! YAY Jeanette! Can't wait until the next one you run in! ;) Below is us after she ran...doesn't she look stunning. Wish I looked like that after running...i'm a hott mess, but she is gorgeous as ever!

I am happy to report that as of June 8th I have lost a total of 22 pounds. I was just thrilled when I stepped on the scale that Monday. I had run harder and more the previous week than I have done before and it paid off!!! I know that I have a TON more to lose, but I am just sooooo excited to be headed in the right direction! I can't even begin to tell you all that I have been learning during this short 8 week process, about myself and the Lord. I've said it before and I'll say it again, without Him it would be IMPOSSIBLE for me to lose weight. It is His strength in me that has gotten me to where I am right now. I look forward to the long journey I will be on and I am super excited to continue learning more about Him as He transforms me physically, emotionally, and spiritually!!!!

James - I'm really pumped about a Bible Study that I am in. We are doing an Inductive Study on the book of James. I LOVE LOVE LOVE detaily things and that is exactly what this study is ALL about! Not only is the Word alive and exciting, but this Bible Study is also a great way for me to connect with other women! I'm loving it and look forward to the challenge!!!

BUSY BUSY BUSY - Things are movin' and shakin' at the Ranch (where I work). We have 2 HUGE events coming up next week, so it's a stressful, hectic, yet exciting time for us. Be prayin that God will get all the glory in the details of next Thurs and Fri. That His name will be made known more than any of our special guests names, or even the Ranch's name. It's because of Him that the Ranch will have any impact on this community, state, and the lives of the people involved.

I Gotsta Brag

Here are some of the latest pics of my nephew Asher!

This is my ABSOLUTE favorite. He is soooooo stinkin cute, I can hardly stand it!

I think this MUST be the reaction he has EVERYTIME his mommy and daddy mention his Aunt Amanda. I mean, who doesn't have that reaction when I am mentioned?!?! HAHAHA!

YIPPEE!!

Oh yeah...and guess who has lost 17 pounds? yeppppppp....ME (with the Lord's help of course! Couldn't do it without Him!!)

"New Building" - yeah right!

ok...sooooooo I have been going to Crossroads Church now for a lil over a year. I have found fellowship there, have had my heart increased for missions there, and have found solid biblical teaching there. It has been such a blessing to be a small part of that church family, but recently it has been hard. The church just purchased a moved into a new church building. The previous church that was in that building was New Beginnings Community Church!?!?!? DOES THAT NAME RING A BELL?????? *sigh*

For those of you that don't understand what I am talking about here is the brief edited version of a very long story: I found out about that church during the first year I lived in Morgantown. Attended it after 7 months of going to another church and ended up staying at New Beginnings for 3 1/2 years. Also for 2 of those years I was on staff at the church. During that time there were 4 MAJOR things that I went through: Dating Lance, Losing my mother, and then eventually breaking up with Lance, and also eventually leaving the church under not so positive circumstances, but definitely God-directed (which left me churchless, fellowshipless, and jobless). Of course there are loads and loads of other things I could type regarding those 3 1/2 years but I did tell you that i was giving you the brief edited version, so I'll leave it at that.

So needless to say, this past Sunday was a celebration for everyone else in the Crossroads Church family, but not really for me, when we had our first service in the new building. For me it was a constant reminder of those past 3 1/2 years and all the loss and hurt that I experienced. I have been wondering why the Lord has allowed me to have this going on in my life...I don't think it's a coincidence that I am where I am...I just would rather to never step foot in a building that stirs in me what that church building stirs in me. I would rather not be reminded of the most painful 3 1/2 years of my life. I would rather not be reminded of the constant loss I experienced and the deep deep wounds that loss has left on me.

So yay for Crossroads Church! Glad that the Lord is moving in ways that are soooo clear and evident...but really bummed that I can't quite enjoy it the way that I believe I should. I'm praying that I will be transformed even more during this season of reminders and that one day I can truly rejoice about it as well.

Perfect Timing

May 10, was Mother's Day. Mother's Day has become a weird day for me...I noticed it this year more than I have before. It's a sad day for me due to not having a mother to celebrate of my own anymore, but a happy day because of all the mother's that I know. This year in particular was the first Mother's Day for a lot of my friends and my sister. The very first of many that they will have...So I found myself sad and incredibly happy all at the same time. Weird.

It has become a lil tradition of mine since my mom passed away that I would do something on Mother's Day each year to honor/remember her. I didn't really know what I was going to do this year...was a lil discouraged after last years mishap. (planted a rhododendron bush at the Ranch in my "special spot" and even was given a bench to be placed in my "special spot" to sit and reflect and just remember my mom and the moments I had with her. Wellllll, the bush was washed away in a flood never to be found or seen again! ha! I laugh now, cuz it is kinda funny, but it did bum me out.) So this year I didn't have a plan. Me, not have a plan???? That is NOT normal!

After spending the morning with my church family at Crossroads Church, I drove out to the Ranch to have a day with the Lord and to reflect and pray. Was a gorgeous sunny, breezy day! During my time in the Word, I read Nehemiah. And that's when the Lord just blessed me with a verse...a really sweet verse:

"Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength." - Nehemiah 8:10

Now I do realize that this verse was not fully talking about physical death as it was a realization that the people had sinned against God and their relationship with Him had been restored. Soooo not the same context, but still very applicable. I had never read the entire book of Nehemiah before...just bits and pieces of it...so this verse in particular was new to me. How sweet of the Lord to reveal this truth in His Word to me on Mother's Day of all days. A day that I was struggling with...

After I spent time in the Word, I drove down to my "special spot" and sat and reflected and prayed and cried. AGAIN...like He does all the time, the Lord met me in a special way and I got an idea of how I can honor my mother. I found a really neat rock in my "special spot" and I stole it! Yessss, I stole from the Ranch! ha! I am going to paint the rock...and add the scripture from Nehemiah on it. {pics will be posted soon, once the rock is complete} It's hard to find things to do to honor my mother because I feel like I am not in a permanent location...I don't want to put something somewhere and me leave it in like a year or two. Sooo this year's "thing" will b very movable! :)

The joy of the Lord is my strength....and I praise Him for that! It's only because of Him who is in me that I have joy, hope, and healing! Life is tough...without Him I couldn't endure the twists and turns that get thrown at me. Loss is impossible to understand, but His character never changes! His truths are just as true today as they were way back when!

--Knocked Out--

Whew! After about a week of what I say is the SWINE flu, others may argue that, I am on the road to recovery, thankgoodness!!! It all started last Tuesday evening, shall we go there? I think we shall.

Tues - woke up with a scratchy throat and sneezing like nobody's business. (sneezzing is a sign that something is to come for me) sooooo I was, so I thought, fully prepared to take on whatever the world of bacteria was ready to throw my way. Then enter Wednesday...

Wed - woke up feeling really icky, but still desiring to press on I go to work. The longer the morning drags on, the worse I begin to feel. The throat is now almost raw, the achiness had begun, and the feeling that I was floating began. about 12:30ish I wonder how prepared I was for this attack...apparently not prepared AT ALL. Soooooo, I go home at about 1:45 but first I make a stop at the grocery store to stock up on some much needed liquids. I forget 2 things and then get a product by mistake...I think this was also the time the fever began. (cuz I am not absentminded...so of course it was the fever that was in control at this point!) Soooo, I make some attempts at eating. FAILED! Then as the night drug on...the fever intesified. Isn't it really weird how you can be sweating buckets yet shivering from the cold at the same time. yessss, i would say this was the fevers turn to temporarily take over my body leaving me helpless. So I just cover up and hope for the best. That was Wednesday.

Thurs - oh Thursday. This may have been the worst of it...fever...in and out of sleep, coughing, rather hacking, up a lung (sorry, but it's true)...the inability to keep food or liquids in me. (who the heck needs weight watchers when u can get the swine flu!?!?!?!?) This was also the day I decided it's WONDERFUL being single when your sick because no one had to look at me in the state of ridiculousness that I was in. I don't do sick well, and I especially don't look good either! I looked "jacked up"! ha! Another fantastic thing that occurred this day was that I was able to watch the Ellen show in the morning! She is stinkin hilarious and I'm sad that on normal days I am at work when her show is on. It was a lil gift to me on a not so good sick day!

Friday - wellllll, I thought in the morning I was up to going back to work...I quickly realized I was wrong. This was also the day that I think I lost 12,000 pounds due to everything coming out of me...I'm pretty certain that a few organs came up as well...we'll see if I really really need them! (I'm guessing not since it's been a few days and I seem to be ok.) I think I shared a lil toooo much. HA!

Sat - oh joyous saturday. i slept a lot of the day away....

Sun - this was a day that the light was a small glimmer at the end of the tunnel. Mustered up enough energy to get to church (glad I did) although I couldn't stand during worship. (super excited that u don't need a functioning body to worship the Lord!!) My road to recovery began about mid-afternoon....praise Jesus!!!!!!

THEN, TODAY - woke up and thought wow...i may actually have beaten the swine flu! yepppp....it beat me down pretty good, but I think that my winning in the end should count for something! I believe I should get a pretty medal of some sort! ;)

This blog is really random!

I'm super frustrated though because I have missed about a week's worth of my 5k training...and my body isn't quite ready to get back on that track. (Who knew what a toll physically I would take...it literally knocked me out!) Sooooo I think my training will have to wait a few more days, in the meantime walking will be happening. OH and I am really really excited cuz I am going shoe shopping very very soon for some new runnin' shoes!!!!!

I'm going POSTAL!

NOOOO, not in the violent way...in the rain, sleet, snow kinda way!

OK....so not that I am complaining cuz I understand that there needs to be rain, BUT why oh WHY does it need to rain every day that I am training for my 5k?????? It seems as if everyday that I venture out to train is a battle. Whether it's the track that isn't usable, or it raining cats, dogs, elephants, and every other large animal known to man, EVERY day has been a struggle! I am very happy to say that the rain hasn't stopped me! Although I have thought twice about it when I hear the rain pellets clamoring down outside! I have to again say, that it's not because of me, it's because of who is in me!!! Thank you Lord for giving me strength and desire to get healthy even when I have every reason to stay at home, remain dry, and read a good book! Here is a pic to prove that I am dedicated because the Lord is just pushing me and driving me towards better health and a lifestyle that brings Him glory!

Thanks Ang for being a trooper and running in the rain with me!

--Can't Keep This Inside--

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. --Hebrews 4:12-13

I have been reminded time and time again this past week at just how powerful the Word of God is. It is what brings healing to a hurting heart, it's what turns lies into truth, it's our source to the very heart of God, it is the very heart of God. When we are focused on the Word, the promises of God, the promises we have as His children it will transform us. It will change us. It will radically challenge us. It will bring us life.

I had the blessing this week of writing a ton of scriptures on notecards for a friend...not only was it a blessing to be able to share the Word with a friend and encourage them with it, but what an amazing time I had looking up promise after promise after promise. To let the power of God's truth penetrate my heart--WoW!

If you find yourself lost, confused, hurt, angry, complacent, etc. I challenge you to open up the Word and let the beauty of the words penetrate you to your very core...it WILL TRANSFORM YOU!!!!!